There is a young man I meet on Saturday mornings for the purpose of counseling. He is one who knows a good deal about the bible and its content, but asking Jesus into your life isn’t part of it. In fact, he isn’t sure who Jesus is other than a good and wise man that the New Testament talks about. The young man isn’t Jewish but was raised to believe the traditions of the Old Testament.

I have challenged this young man to ponder this “man Jesus” and see what he thinks keeping his mind open. Yesterday in our session I had a list of scriptures which support the topic of “self-esteem”. The topic ought to better read, “God supported self-esteem”. The first 5 verses were from the Old Testament and the remaining 3 verses were from the New Testament. We went over each verse for their application to this man’s life since we started the counseling last September. He has made remarkable progress and I wanted him to see how much of this has come from the promises of scripture–Old and New.

Our flesh along with Satan’s deception wants us believing we make improvement from our own strength alone. We can do this for a period of time, but almost always we fall back into the old patterns or habits/beliefs. The changes we make from God’s promises to us are eternal and the effects impact the lives of those around us showing them what God will do for them just as He has done for us. God is working in this young man’s life and the One’s Name Who is working–Jesus Christ! The Light of Jesus penetrates all darkness!

Last night Kathy and I went to see Jesus Revolution–movie. If this isn’t on your list of good things to do in the near future, put it there. It is time and money well spent. If you are from my generation of the hippie movement, you will enjoy it even more. It is inspiring to take a look at something I well remember and see what God has done with it 50 years later. Wow!

It is insightful to read someone else’s insights in order to better see and understand what I am attempting. I am using a devotional this year given to me by my prayer warrior. Today’s message was about deepening our intimacy with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. It is not only about spending time with them each and every day, but it is allowing the time, and taking enough time, to go deeply into our day, our motives, our desires or lack thereof, our spiritual walk, etc. Along with all of this, it is hugely about obedience to what God asks of us. The more we begin to respond to God’s nudges (all of them) the greater intimacy grows. We learn to trust God much more completely when we obey and find that in obedience there is love, support and peace.

Coming to God with the needs of the day is important, but staying with God until we are in union with Him is an outcome I’m now becoming much more awakened to.

I awoke earlier than usual this morning and the word to describe my thinking would be overwhelmed. I got up and brought my cup of coffee and myself to God. As I began to journal to God about what is behind the overwhelmed feeling God reminded me that He is my major resource of counsel. A major reason for the sense of overwhelmed was the number of clients I’m now seeing and just yesterday I received 3 more intake requests. It is one thing to meet with the clients, its another thing to prepare properly for each session. God simply reminded me that He is my provider for each session. The materials I feel I need to prepare are good, but they are not the Light which brings the connection of healing to the issues one is dealing with. I sure don’t want to lose sight of this truth.

OK, now I’m ready to step into today! God is always the answer!

When I wrote yesterday’s entry, it was personal–just for me. However, as I entered into the counseling sessions for the day I had two clients open up to me that they are struggling with pornography. One is a new client and the other one has been coming for about 6 weeks. This struggle has been my own for several years. Even though I’ve gone through curriculum man has been inspired by God to write, I have not found the release from its tormenting temptations. However, yesterday was different. It seems as though God is ready (or I am ready to hear God differently) to help me walk the high road with this area of struggle and find a freedom from it I’ve not yet known.

The young man who has been coming for a few weeks said he has never talked to anyone about this need. He is so ashamed that he struggles with it. He sure isn’t alone there. God has a freedom most haven’t yet found, I’m believing. White knuckling this issue isn’t freedom. The research of man has shown that porn use has the same impact on our brain that drug use does. However, scripture says God will renew our minds: Romans 12:2. God heals. This is what I am finding and I want others to know and find this freedom in surrendering to God and learning how to depend on Him in this time of struggle.

Do you have a closet that needs to be cleaned out? I have had one most of my life. The closet was built in my early childhood years from the abuse of my gay brother’s use of me coupled with my dad’s verbal abuse reinforcing the belief that I would be a “good wife” for someone someday. The walls of the closet grew thicker during college years and my adult years when I was approached by a men more than once. There is much I could add to this, but I believe the reader can get my point. Over time, the contents of the closet went from hiding what had happened to me to include the thoughts of myself acting out in gay fashion. Later in my adult years pornography enter the closet. I opened up about this torment writing about it in my autobiography and including it in my testimony for Celebrate Recovery. Counselors told me I would likely have to live with this due to the depth of the roots in my flesh.

Today, in my journaling, I wrote that I’d sure like to have this closet cleansed by the healing Light of Jesus and His Work on the Cross coupled with His Resurrection conquering sin and death. I know these thoughts are not my truth, but they do torment me. As I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today, He said, I am ready to start the thorough cleansing. Stay with Me as I do so. You will be delighted.”

I have given this torment to Jesus countless times, yet today, there is a warmth to His Words. I trust Him. His outcomes are always surprising and I rest in His assurance.

God’s timing is always perfect and yesterday was another example of this. The meeting I referenced in yesterday’s entry was a genuine answer to prayer. It didn’t just take care of the problem, it even identified some root causes for the problem’s existence which also was addressed. I love how God works!

The older I get the more I see my sinfulness and my inability to do anything about it except surrender it. One of the ugliest natures of sin is self-reliance–I can do this. Well, no I can’t. Fighting sin on our own only leads to more sin until we are trapped within it. I see this and hear it in our Celebrate Recovery sessions as well as in the counseling ones. I also recognize this tendency within myself. For so much of my life I tried to keep all of my past a secret and sheltered from the community. I had my own reasons (fears) for doing this. Keeping secrets led to other issues like pornography and lying. Then pride keeps us from wanting to open up about it, etc. Then, when one finally does surrender, the LIGHT brilliantly shines through. One wonders why he kept this so long within himself?

Choosing to face sin with confession (surrender) is humbling, but so rewarding. How I encourage ones to see this and take the risk of telling/confessing/surrendering. The benefits are so eternally rewarding and others are then also help.

Today I go with my two local brothers to visit our 4th one. He has some troubling items and we want to help with them, if possible. It is difficult to write about this because it is too so close to home. This brother struggles with some emotional issues that look way too much like our father. It is easy to step back and let him suffer because these emotional issues can attack and hurt like dad’s did. However, the three of us are sensing the same motivation from God’s Holy Spirit–go and offer help/mercy.

Many years ago–about 20 or so, I was denied an opportunity from my school district superintendent which hurt me deeply. I don’t usually feel vengeful, but this time I did. The school year had ended and I was attending a meaningful conference in Boise, ID and taking a teacher who taught for me. In the ride over I shared this issue with her. She asked me if I’d prayed a blessing for my superintendent following the words of Paul in Romans 12:14? Of course I hadn’t, but the next morning I did and continued to do so for a few weeks. This act brought about great healing for me in my spirit.

My brother has voiced some hurtful things for which in times past I’d stuff them and chalk them up to “being like dad”. We are going today to offer him a blessing instead. God is so AMAZING!

I’m always impressed and amazed at the way God works. A young father & husband has been seeking counseling for a few months now. During this time he has come a long way in growing. He hasn’t asked Jesus into his life. In fact, he has been raised to believe that Jesus is a good man, but he isn’t the son of God. This young man is not Jewish, but his upbringing has much of the Old Testament’s practices in it. As we processed through a habit he wants to stop, I approached his lack of belief in Jesus Christ. I told him that the New Testament fulfills the Old Testament through Jesus Christ. I wanted him to ponder his own need for Jesus in his life. The bondage of sinful habits is met with real Hope and Faith when one believes in God’s sacrifice of Jesus Christ for us and Christ’s resurrection. This young man said he would pray and ponder this.

I know that God’s Spirit is never not at work. I pray for this young man and his wife to have a spiritual awakening to the truth of Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. How much more blessed life is when we have Jesus in it.

Yesterday I wrote in part of the entry about walking the high road with Jesus. This was on my mind throughout most of the day yesterday. It was not difficult to know when I stepped away from this high road. Did I want to please me or please Jesus? Who was I going to put first? As I began my journaling this morning I was writing about this. Then when I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know for today, He went on to say that the high road is paved. It is not a mysterious road. He clearly makes our decisions known to us by His Spirit within us. Secondly, it is when we choose to step away that we find the chaos of the unpaved road. There are ruts, diversions, and all kinds of signs which only lead further away from Him. Wow, this made sense as I was writing it out. I hope it does for you too.

The other highlighted piece of this morning came when I started my devotional reading. Some of us in our family got a disturbing “put-down” earlier this week. I met yesterday with the other ones involved to discuss how to handle this. We called the one troubled and set a meeting for next Monday. This morning’s devotional was titled, “A Better Word”. The message was to bless those who curse you. It completely refocused me and I’ll share this with the other family members so we can do just this–bless this one who is troubled.

God is so AMAZING! What man would ever think to bless the one who curses him? However, in so doing, we walk the high road where Jesus always is and is waiting for us to join Him.

Last night was my time to give my testimony at our Celebrate Recovery. Each time I do this I battle the thoughts that I’ve given it so many times to our group that all it does is fill a gap in the testimony calendar for the year. However, that is never the case. God always uses His Work in our lives to assist others with their own walk.

A gentleman in my share group asked me how I was able to forgive my brother who I said was in heaven after his drowning? He was 36 and I was 26 at the time. The man asking is in the midst of life’s turmoil (ugly divorce). He is struggling to “forgive” those who are making his life so miserable. It wasn’t difficult to answer this question 46 years after my brother’s drowning. God and time is a gracious healer. One of my greatest problems back then was that I wouldn’t talk about what was going on in my life. No help can be offered if the need isn’t expressed. The Serenity Prayer states, “…one day at a time, one moment at a time accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.” I didn’t know any of this back then.

As I’ve reflected this morning on all that was brought forth last night and asked God what He wanted me to know from Him for today, He reminded me of walking the high road. We can choose the high road where our behaviors better match those of Christ Jesus. He told me that on this high road is where He can perform the changes in our lives to live out the life of a new creation. Surgeries are done there to reframe our mind, our thinking and our actions. If I or we keep stepping from the high road to the lower road of our choosing we stop the surgeries and healing processes. I loved this analogy. God is always at work in our lives. Walking the high road of choice has great rewards if we will just keep on it. The outcome is so worth it!