God is so GOOD! Last night our quartet did a concert at the home of our accompanist. There were 50+ people invited. I don’t know when I have felt so motivated to glorify God with music that points the listener directly to Him. The evening seemed to do just that. The audience responded with many wiping tears and raising hands in thanksgiving plus clapping at times to the rhythm and words of the song/s. There were times when it was simply hard to keep singing. I had my own emotions to contend with. I use to hide these emotions as best I could always thinking emotions were not good. They lead to trouble. Even good emotions trigger negative ones when they are heightened. (So my childhood had taught me). So, best to keep them all in check.

I am learning to enjoy emotions. Little had I recognized in myself how deeply I love and appreciate them. From telling a funny joke to experiencing the Love and Grace of Jesus Himself, emotions are the expression of our appreciation. God’s Spirit is filled with emotions and I now love them within myself. Our God is so patient and good helping us to grow and continue to grow even in our “older days”.

The journey’s message for today is to address The Holy Spirit’s nudges for the sake of obedience–not for the outcome. I had thought I was done with making amends as we call it in Celebrate Recovery. However, when I was reading my devotional and came across this challenge, I quickly thought–“well, I’m done with that part”. It was then that God’s Spirit reminded me of a very ugly statement I’d made a few years ago. It was in a setting when the small group of people laughed out loud. However, the statement had an underlying purpose of “hurt” on my part. The hurt I’d felt from the person I said it to has never been addressed and my sarcastic statement only added complications to the hurt for me. Well, it is time for me to address it, not for the sake of the outcome, but for the sake of obedience. I truly love that line!

I’m not sure when this will take place, but I know now that it will. I do not want to be disobedient. God has been so good to me and now I need to clean an act that sure didn’t look like one representing the God I serve.

I’m not sure when I’ve been in such a steep learning curve as I have been experiencing these past few days/weeks. It’s as though God is wanting me to finally learn once and for all what living in His Holy Spirit is about/like. Making a 24 hour commitment to sobriety has been the start to this. Keeping myself reminded that my strength is only for now, not for “the rest of my life”. That’s too overwhelming and it has never worked! I’m also learning that it is in the present 24 hours that I can rely on the Strength of God’s Holy Spirit. It is also in the present that I can say to the tempter that I surrender this temptation to Jesus Christ who lives in me. I can also call/text letting my accountability know that the struggle exists. I am learning that to live by the Spirit’s Power within me I am to make decisions built on what I Trust and not what my own adrenalin wants me to–be strong within myself. This only works for a short period of time and then I fall again.

I honestly feel as though today I’ve awakened to the truth that I’ve dealt with temptation as though I fought it like I did when I was a child–with fear and repeated failure. This is fighting in the flesh. It’s time to put into practice what the new creation Earnie is learning: Praising God that I am weak in the flesh and know this plus admit this. This allows me to then surrender my weakness to Christ–“for when I am weak He is strong!”

II Corinthians 12:10–“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong!.”

The 90 day commitment for sobriety from all sinful acts of sexual integrity is amazing. I have been laser focused on my need to keep my thoughts disciplined. Discipline is a strength of mine in my flesh, but it has never been a strength which it comes to the addiction of porn. My only successful discipline has been to stay with the struggle and keep it at bay and commit to never hiding it. So, keeping that in mind, as I read today’s devotional in the 90-day book, its entire focus was praising God.

I know a good deal about the need to praise God, but as I was journaling I was reminded to “praise God in the storms of life”. II Corinthians 12:9-10 says: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, I am strong.”

When I first read about praising God I thought, “Yes, of course, I will praise Him but I won’t lose sight of the discipline I need to keep in place. But, that wasn’t the message. The message was only to praise God. The more I thought about it, the more God was revealing to me that His Strength is provided when I praise Him, not when I discipline myself. So, letting go of what I thought was the right thing to do was my assignment for today. Do only what God commands–PRAISE HIM!

God has been very clear this morning with His message for the day. Today is to be a day for soul cleansing. As I was in counsel yesterday with a client, we were tackling a time in her life many years ago which left deep rooted scars never acknowledged at the time. She is now a widow and needs to uproot the damage. The work God did for me through my own counseling has been very helpful in assisting His work with this lady.

Yesterday afternoon I found myself being tempted to step into the sin of viewing porn. I’ve hated this addictive desire but roots seem to still be there. As I was journaling earlier I asked God to go deeply into my soul and address once and for all the roots of seed planted from the sin acts done to me so long ago for (even though it seems sick to write this) this is what the temptation was about. My devotional addressed the topic of soul cleansing and then in my bible reading I read in Psalms 35:1-5: Plead my cause, O Lord, with those who strive with me; Fight against those who fight against me. Take hold of shield and buckler, and stand up for my help. also draw out the spear, and stop those who pursue me. Say to my soul, “I am your salvation.”

In the 90 day book I’m doing presently, the topic today was performing the surgery God waits to do for soul cleansing. I am so humbled and now ready to trust God for this. I can’t begin to put into words all that this means to me. But, what I feared for most of my life, God does for His Glory and never for my shame. How merciful and loving our Father God is!

My bible reading has me reading the Psalms at the present time. I know I’ve written in times past about my attitude towards the Psalms in my past. I use to think they were a series of complaints with some niceties now and then. However, the more I awaken to the fullness of God living in me the more I enjoy and deeply appreciate all that they are saying. Trusting and Believing God to be the answer to all of life’s woes has become something I have learned to know is true for all of us–including me.

I have a good friend who is out-of-state presently with his wife. They have each lost a sibling recently and are having to close out estates and clean out each one’s homes. It is a miserable time for them for the siblings weren’t living for Jesus and the homes are a mess. They keep finding more and more stumbling blocks including the texts I’ve already received this morning. When I reminded my friend that he is not there alone, God is bigger than all of this and has answers which haven’t been seen as of yet, he responded with a big thanks. We are a team player when we reach out to God and other trustworthy friends.

I lived so long in isolation believing the lies of the deceiver. Helping others see and trust God’s Light is a privilege and humble honor as each day comes. Just as David was reaching out in many of his Psalms, God is wanting us to do exactly the same today.

There is nothing like the beauty and silence of the early mornings and experiencing them with their CREATOR. Today is one of those days where I just want to take a moment longer to stay in this beauty. Don’t interrupt it and don’t move for one might disturb the silence and sensing the Strength of God Almighty in it.

I will be spending a good portion of today in my garden and yard. This brings joy to my heart. Planting so much of the garden now that the fear of frost is almost past, brings about a satisfaction that I get to experience each and every year. I know that most people just shake their heads at this deep passion of mine to get my hands into dirt and watch God’s magic come to life as seeds turn into everything the earth produces. I just have to tell them that they have no idea what they are missing! The JOY of life isn’t just the life of flesh, it also includes the life of a garden!

There are some points about living life for Christ that should be “no brainers”, but I keep finding new tidbits that I awaken to which surprise me that I didn’t already live knowing them. I am talking about the selfishness of sin.

I mentioned a few weeks ago about a 90 day commitment I’ve challenged some men to do about addressing their addiction/s. I have been taking myself through this book/devotional also having started it a couple of weeks ahead of them so I could be sure I’m recommending a sound piece of work. There is no question in my mind regarding the book’s soundness. It is one I’d recommend to anyone. Each day one commits to sobriety for 24 hours and prays to God for His Holy Spirit’s strength and then connects to his accountability person giving him the same commitment one gave to God. He then initials the commitment and dates it.

Yesterday afternoon was a time of struggle/battle for me. As I was journaling about it this morning God showed me what I started to write about: the selfishness of sin. The battle of porn I’ve always connected to my brother’s sexual use of me for so many years. However, this morning as I was journaling God pointed out that yesterday’s struggle was my own. It may have begun from sexual use in my childhood years, but the current struggle is my choice. My eyes had turned from Him to the potential lust of sin. It was there I needed to make a decision–my choice. Of course I’ve known this for MANY years, but the reality of it this morning sunk in as my struggle within the 24 hours. I decided whether I would step in or turn away and put my eyes on God surrendering the struggle to the Holy Spirit within me. Seeing this selfishness within me (that is part of my flesh) was powerfully effective. The last thing in the world I want to look like is selfish. Boy, do I love this God we get to serve! He truly is THE TEACHER!

Today my younger brother and I are the same age until my birthday July 1. We get to be twins for almost two months! That’s always been a family joke.

I’ve had 4 new people start counseling this week. Each one has had a very unique story filled with a great deal of consternation and strife. In each case they are close to their “wits end”. This morning I was reflecting on these with God when He instantly reminded me of the line Celebrate Recovery uses--“God takes our mess and turns it into His message.” I needed to hear this from Him. It makes Faith, Trust and Hope come to life when I remember this truth.

The amazing thing about what God does with our mess when we allow Him into it is He begins to remove the torment. God takes what has been tormenting us and turns it into relief as we release our hold on it and give the hold to Him. Learning how to shift my own past from my expectations to God’s expectations has been nothing but humbling and amazing. It is such a delight to watch God now do this for others!

My devotional today told a story that truly resembles living life each day as a believer in Jesus Christ. He told of swimming in an area of the Mediterranean Sea where riptides were prevalent. He was a youth and strong swimmer so he wasn’t concerned. When he noticed he had been caught in a riptide he simply began to swim against it only to be towed further into the sea. It was then he remembered to swim parallel to the pull until the pull dissipated. That was when he could swim back to shore. In telling this story he compared the riptide to our flesh which pulls us daily into desires of the flesh unless we know not to fight the pull “of our own flesh”. We always lose and get pulled further into the sinfulness of our flesh when we fight of our own strength. We have to use our spiritual wisdom and choose to not fight it but use the wisdom God provides in His Word for fighting temptations which lead to sin.

I have fought my own sinfulness on my own for such a long time that I had thought Paul’s message to us in Romans that “we do what we don’t want to do….” Romans 7:15, was a curse that could never be broken until death. However, putting into place the wisdom God provides us about seeking Him, surrendering ourselves and telling someone we trust will allow us to do the swimming parallel until we are out of the riptide’s pull. Then, we are free to swim to shore. Amazing wisdom!