Wow, this week has been the one for firsts.  I said yesterday about the firsts of meeting with the schools, our new recovery groups start and now tonight is our kickoff night for Celebrate Recovery’s new year.  We will be reflecting as well as projecting.  This is our 10 year anniversary for CR so in it we will reflect and then the testimony tonight which is a 3 generation one will tell what can happen to an entire family unit when they decide to bring their dysfunctions to God and let Him lead them through His Healing processes.  The testimony will come from the grandparents, the parents and the son who is in 8th grade and has gone through Celebration Place and is now in The Landing.

I’ve written often about my prayer warrior and her gift to me a couple years ago of the Joyce Meyer bible.  I’m reading Isaiah presently and this morning I was reading the 61st chapter.  In the pages of this chapter my prayer warrior had put a 3×5 card written to me.  In the chapter Isaiah is hearing a message for himself as well as for Israel as they turn back to Him.  She writes on this card that we are showing others how to turn back to God when we feel so broken and then to find two-fold freedom:  freedom that brings joy replacing shame and secondly we find rejoicing from others who one thought had despised them.  As I read this just an hour ago I could see in my mind so many people where this has become their truth.  Praise God!  I’m so glad this is true and I’m eager to continue this walk into the next decade watching and experiencing the work of our Lord Jesus Christ!  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

Today is the day after.  It is the day after I met with the two new schools I’m to work with the next 3 years.  It is the day after the start of our new recovery groups.  It is the day after.  I came home last night with all kinds of mixed emotions from the combination of both starts having now begun.  I had lots of confusing dreams through the night to add to the emotional dilemma.

As I began my devotions this morning and got to my journaling I asked God what I am to make of these confusing emotions?  It was rather amazing to write what I heard Him telling me.  He was reminding me that emotions are the fuel of energy.  When we get emotional we sense the purpose to do something or to stop something or complete something, etc.  The people I’ve met the last two days in the schools are great ones.  I was drawn to them and to their desire to do well.  It also seemed they were being drawn to me.  Our attendance last night was small–11 came for the groups, yet they were there with intent to participate and become what the promises of recovery offer.  I was certainly drawn to them.  God revealed to me that the emotions I was experiencing were real, raw ones.  Early in my life real, raw emotions were beaten, called stupid and silly, were turned into sexual moments leaving me so confused.  I learned to stuff raw and confusing emotions and try to turn them into thoughts or thinking moments.  God showed me that these introductory emotions are the result of new, promising relationships which He has brought together.  I can trust them and allow them to turn into inspiration to complete the work I’m there to do.  This made so much sense and I thanked Him for this.

The truly unexpected part of this time was when I asked God, as I do each morning, what He wanted me to know from Him today?  He immediately told me, “These emotions of yesterday and last night are the same emotions He has for me and that His Holy Spirit has for me.  He likes me and so does the Holy Spirit.”  I don’t have to work to be liked.  They simply like me.   I instantly teared up and I do again as I write this.  God is re-establishing the intimacy of emotions as He created them to be.  This was so unexpected and yet so important to find and hear from Him.

Don’t let Satan tell you anymore lies about God’s desire to have an intimate relationship with you.  I’ve believed this far too long.  I knew I didn’t need to earn this but my entire system needed to awaken to this truth.  I’m sure I’m not done awakening, but it was so inspiring this morning to have this moment of truth!

Today I almost sense that I should be writing that the journey begins again.  I feel as though all the preparation I’ve done in spiritually awakening to Who God Is and Who He Is in me is taking root as today begins.  Today we start the new recovery ministry groups which come face to face with so many of the beliefs (lies) I had to face and overcome in order to belief that God has made me a new creation!

Remarkably, I am facing this same scenario with the school district I started working with yesterday where I spent the day with the elementary sites.  They are both very small, one with 50 kids and one with 80 kids.  Today I return to work with the junior high  and high school which is one site housing about 150 students.  This particular district has been called a failing district for as long as student learning has been being measured–20 years+.  Most of the staff is new to them and all the administration (3) are new.  Somehow, I realize part of my start with them is to help them see how important it is to know the past has been called a failure, but that in no way determines their present and future.  We are not to believe that our past determines our present and future.

All of this work of tonight with those who will come will start by helping those who have hidden their failures so long, to know that doesn’t determine their future.  Their present action of coming and facing this is the beginning of being set free!  Praise God!

“I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene!”  These are words from an old hymn I remember singing as a child and young adult.  This morning they are true for this day.  I awoke early as I am going to the school district where I will spend time the next 3 years.  There was to be no more sleep so I came to the den to start my devotions.  The condemnation of “who I am, what I’ve done and what has been done to me” was weighing heavy on me.  I couldn’t shake it.  Tomorrow starts our actual recovery groups and no one can come because we just aren’t the right leaders and God is separating Himself from this.  All this was going through my mind.  Fears were getting the best of me for the moment.

As I began my devotions and bible reading I began to read Isaiah 54.  This is a powerful chapter.  One where my prayer warrior had written a note for me when she gave this bible to me.  In it she writes in part, “…I pray verse 17 over you and Celebrate Recovery.  I especially like where it says peace, righteousness, security, triumph over the enemy is our heritage.  I am claiming triumph over the enemy for you….”

While I was reading all of this I felt God speaking to me in powerful ways affirming His Word as His truth.  More than this He was confirming the truth that what I awoke sensing is all a lie.  The fears, the anxieties, the condemnation are Satan’s ways of diverting me from God’s truth.  Yes, if I were to enter into this new recovery ministry on my own I would fail for I am incapable of giving any healing over the hurts which will be brought tomorrow night.  However, I go as a “bearer of Good News”.  The healing is all from Jesus Christ and His Mighty Work on the Cross!  Praise God.  This is why I write in the first line of today’s entry–“I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene!”  He is mighty to save and mighty to heal.  I want to be a bearer of this tremendously Good News and I will as Christ opens the doors for this to happen.  Thank you Jesus!

Today is my second grandson’s 15th birthday.  Due to his unexpected arrival here on earth, he and his mom lived with us for his first couple years and has been very close to me all of these years hence.  He is now 6’1″ towering over me and yet he hugs and gives kisses as though he were still 4.  His heart is tender and loving.  I have thanked God for this unexpected gift many, many times.  God has used him to show me how love is given and received from the heart.

Today we have two more of our Recovery people being interviewed in our two worship services.  They are extremely nervous–especially the young man.  He is well educated and embarrassed to tell “the world” about his struggle yet he knows God is wanting him to do this.  We start Tuesday evening with our first recovery group meetings.  Then, Thursday, we have our 10 year reunion kickoff for Celebrate Recovery.  I believe we are all planned and set for these.  Satan is doing all he can to throw wrenches into the works but God is Almighty and Faithful as He thwarts all of these poisonous arrows.

Yesterday morning I had a phone call from one of our men who is caught in one of Satan’s attacks wanting to destroy an area of our Celebrate Recovery work.  He is out of town at the moment and was wondering what we were to do when he returned?  I told him we were going to make this attack into a lesson from God.  I have learned that there is nothing in life that God won’t use for His Honor and Glory if we will only allow Him to make these messes into His message.  It will take a healthy, vulnerable conversation between the ones involved but from it we can establish a way of escape when Satan tries to attack again.  He said he liked this idea and so we will soon be having the conversation.  I had this same conversation with the others involved and all are willing to step into this process.  We also have another one of these conversations set intending to thwart Satan’s work in yet another area.  God is Steadfast and Faithful as we are steadfast and faithful to follow His Leading in our lives.  I want no more than to be a good and faithful servant.

This morning’s devotional time and scripture reading left a message in me that I  believe God is wanting me to keep around as long as I’m alive.  I’m still reading in Isaiah and today brought me to Isaiah 48:10.  It says: “Behold I have refined you, but not as silver.  I have tried and chose you in the furnace of affliction.”  The commentaries all say this is written for the Israelites who have been captured by Babylon.  Isaiah has been telling all along about the forthcoming outcome of their sins if they don’t turn back to God.  This morning when I read this God seemed to have a very personal message for me in this passage.

I had already read in my devotional by the Blackaby’s about God’s Word and man’s words as seeds.  In the spiritual realm they are seeds to bring Light to God’s Kingdom and in man’s world they are seeds which can encourage or discourage depending on how they are used.  When I had read the devotional I immediately knew this truth in my own life.  Years back when I was early in my recovery God had revealed to me the scripture saying He gives me a heart of flesh replacing the heart of stone, Ezekiel 36:26.  The heart of stone represents our hardening from sin.  For me it was my sin as well as the sins of abuse.  God has taught me that a heart of flesh is one which feels and knows His purposes for life’s lessons.  I can trust Him always no matter what is before me to know He will use all things to His Glory if I stay with Him and His Spirit’s leadership in me.

Back to Isaiah 48:10.  I now know that the refining God has done in my affliction is useful for Him as I begin to take it to our community through our recovery ministries.  I no longer need to fret/worry/be anxious about any of it.  God is using it to bring lost, burdened souls to know full well that they are loved by Him and precious in His sight just as He has been teaching me about myself and Him.  Satan has been attacking and attacking trying to dissuade me and others in this new ministry.  Yesterday was another one of those days.  However, God is far more faithful in standing firm as my Rock and my Salvation.  Next week is coming and God’s Kingdom Work will begin for those He is nudging to come.

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday.  He is the one who fell from his boat breaking his pelvic in three places.  He has been home for a week now having been in the hospital/rehab for a little over 4 weeks.  I was looking forward to seeing him expecting to find a lot more gratitude than what I heard.  He was in his recliner with a blanket over him looking much like he did when in the rehab center.  The difference was the recliner rather than in a bed.  He is glad to be home but he is confined so much because he can’t do anything on his own.  I was wondering if I’d be grumpy too?  Well that question didn’t need any processing.  I already know the answer to that question.  I do not deal well with illness when it is me who is ill.  I know he will snap out of it but it won’t fully happen until he has some physical freedom to act on his own.

My day outside of the visit to my brother was spent dealing with all the details I mentioned yesterday.  In fact, the day bought about much clarity and focus.  Mostly, the drama was reduced and I always appreciate that happening.

This morning my devotional from the Blackaby’s says, “if we are a Christian, Jesus lives in you and His Light is within you.  Christians are called to dispel darkness (Ephesians 5:11).  The Light of Christ ought to shine so brightly through you that those in darkness are uncomfortable when they are around you.”  With all the new ministry start-ups forthcoming next week, I know that Satan is trying his best to create darkness for them.  It is amazing what God does with it however.  When His people come together with God’s purposes in mind, working to please God and not man, the Light shines forth.  This is what happened yesterday.  I truly thank God for this!  We do serve an amazing God who acts accordingly when our purpose is to accomplish His Will.

The flurry of details is whirling in my head this morning along with an additional flurry of emotions.  The details for getting the consulting work I do organized for the three sites is jammed into my mind.  The details of the recovery groups starting next Tuesday and the details of Celebrate Recovery’s kickoff also next week are all needing attention.  On top of this, our church is rerouting all of the rooms used for these programs.  Now that our children have their own new wing, all the old rooms are being remodeled and so the use of rooms has been changed.  This doesn’t seem to big of a deal except the room assignments get adjusted daily and sometimes more than once a day.  Who to talk to about the right information and wondering how long the info is “right” is its own issue.  And then there is the issue of who one has talked to.  Not always is the same info given.  I write this because my emotional base wants to have me go to the church this morning now that I’m home for the day and put order to chaos.  Of course, this would be an “Earnie” order, and all it would do is momentarily make me feel better because I got it off my chest.  I know this isn’t right and God has been speaking to me about doing things His Way.  He reminds me that clarity is always important, change is inevitable, communication for clarity is key and asking questions for the sake of clarity is always good.  He also reminds me to leave “judgment” to His Son.  He is not asking me to be a savior to this mess either.  He sent the Savior a couple thousand years ago and that was sufficient.  Human saviors (or attempts to be) only cause their own new chaos.  So, with all this in mind, being a good servant today is my goal.  I’m making a list of all the details needing done, clarified, finished, started, etc.  We can check them off as completed or leave them alone adjusting as needed.  (My word–this is a big paragraph!)

I must say that as I reflect on this, in times past I would go into the day like a bulldog.  I usually have tactfulness at the top of my list, but I can be awfully confrontive and tact gets pushed aside.  God is showing me that His Light can only shine when He is allowed to be the one Leading.  This is exactly what I want to do and a good servant is want I want to be so here we go.

The last couple days have been filled with training and working with the new school district leaders I’ll be consulting the next three years.  The evenings have also been full too.  I’ve been up between 4:30-5:00 am and hardly sat until I needed to go to bed which was when I got home from the evening commitments.  Today is the last of the training ones and tonight is free to be home.  I forget how much one needs time to be home.  It is then one has the moment/s with their family.  The fall has much busyness with the recovery start-ups and all my grandkids’ activities.  I don’t want to be known for the grandpa who didn’t have time for his kids and grandkids.

Last night God used a dear, 87 year old lady friend to open the eyes and hearts of the 12 recovery group leaders to using God’s Word as POWER.  She was emphasizing the POWER of knowing God’s Word and speaking God’s Word into POWER.  She gave numerous examples of this in her own life and we were able to process times when this has been true for us in each of our recovery walks.

This morning I’ve been amazed to reflect on what God wants us doing with His Written Word–the Bible.  It is not just a book to be read.  It is a book to be used as a living, life practice.  It is the very Sword of the Spirit–The Holy Spirit within us.  As I consult with schools: teachers, administrators and parents too, I help them find the author’s purpose for the curriculum and materials they use.  It is one thing to have teaching materials, but all of them have an author who intends for it to be used in a most meaningful teaching way.  When it is, students learn and profit from the learning.  Last night with my friend Lois, she gave tremendous insight into this same practice.  God authored The Bible through inspiring men for its writing.  It behooves us to know God’s purpose for it and then to use it exactly as He intended.  When we do, we find that learning and purpose for the learning walking hand in hand.  We even get to eat the fruit of this process too.

In writing this I wonder why we struggle so much to do it?  The element of man’s ego, time and effort to learn the written word, and then taking the time to know how the author intended for us to use it goes against most of our human nature.  Somehow man thinks he already knows how something is to be done.  The author put directions to it only for the weak.  I know first hand that when I am weak–then I am strong.  I want to do what my Author tells me to do in His Word.  I also want to help others know this isn’t a path to weakness, but a path to Peace by walking in surrender.  This is STRENGTH!

This journey just continues and continues.  There is no stopping it.  When I first started writing this journey somehow I felt in charge of it.  The only thing God wanted me in charge of I’m finding is the part of putting in into the blog.  He orchestrates all of our journeys if we will just let Him.

Today I was challenged with some scriptural insight I need to ponder.  In Isaiah, chapter 38, we are told of King Hezekiah’s illness.  Isaiah comes to him and tells him to get his house in order for he is going to die from this illness.  Hezekiah does what man often does–pleads with God to live.  He cries to God begging Him to grant him extra time.  God hears and answers this prayer and gives him 15 additional years.

The insights given in the footnotes of this chapter tell that Hezekiah had no children before this illness.  One reason he wanted to live was for heirs to the throne.  Yet, it was one of these sons who led Judah for 51 years and into the worst sinfulness yet.  Initially, all I am thinking is that I want to be mighty careful about what I pray and that when I pray I stay in God’s perfect plan.  I want to be obedient to His timing and His will.  There is more to all of this I’m sure but this is what hits me today.

Secondly, Hezekiah was said to be another very wise king for Israel (Judah).  In some regards he was similar to Solomon in wisdom and in acquired wealth.  Yet, as Solomon, their wisdom led them to decisions sometimes looking more like a selfish man rather than wisdom leading them much closer to God and to understanding God’s will for them and their leadership for Israel.  Like I said, I am pondering this news from today’s scripture reading.  I need time and God’s insights to better know what He wants me to take away from this.  What I’ve written is simply today’s walkaway.

Tonight is the final meeting with our recovery group leaders.  God is going to have us start next Tuesday night with those He is nudging to come.  How much I want to be a ready and willing servant for this time.