I can hardly fathom sometimes the depth of God’s love for us (me).  He cares so much that we be whole in Him.  He never wastes one moment in bringing all things in our lives to have meaning about Him and me or Him and each one of us.  I write this because yesterday morning in the Sunday School class Kathy and I are attending, the teacher (our pastor’s wife) said some remarkable things which resonated to the depths of my soul. 

First of all, ahead of class I asked her about last week’s statement that the sins done to us when we are children are not ours.  I knew this in my mind but my belief system hadn’t dispelled them.  It was as though that statement last week was giving me permission to do the dispelling.  I asked her about this feeling and what do I do with it?  She simply said that The Holy Spirit was affirming Himself in me.  When He does this there are no real words to say, however, the depth of affirmation for HIM is what you know. 

This happened again yesterday in class.  The lesson was primarily focusing on Abraham and Sarah with the key focus on Abraham.  God told Abraham to ask Him to forgive the different ones in his life who had sinned against him.  This happened more than once.  A couple of them were when two different kings took Sarah as their wife not knowing she was already married.  Jerri, the teacher, said that God wants us to ask God to forgive the ones who have sinned against us just as He’d told Abraham to do.  We cannot receive the full blessings God has for us until we ask for the sin/s to be removed by His Forgiveness.  Once again, the depth of this message stirred my inner soul.  I had forgiven my dad, my brother, and any other, but I’d not asked God to forgive them.  I had thought that was their job.  However, there in scripture God tells Abraham to do this.  He also told Job to pray for the 3 friends who were misinforming him so He could forgive them, and then it says, Job was blessed.  This morning I asked God to forgive. 

God is so AMAZING!

As I got into yesterday I couldn’t shake the truth of yesterday’s blog.  How much of the time I question any nudge I get.  Boy, I don’t want to do this any longer.  Later in the afternoon I received a call.  The caller was the spouse of a group leader in our Tuesday night classes.  I can’t and won’t go into the details of the call but it was very troubling.  She had eluded our senior pastor was to call me but hadn’t.  I was driving home at the time of the call so when I got home I called our pastor.  We talked and both agreed on what our next step should be. 

When I got the call and saw the name of the caller on my phone I froze.  It hit me just like a message from my dad would have hit me when I was a kid.  I operate in a listening mode when this happens.  I have difficulty thinking freely when there is intense anger and resistance to any other thoughts than their own.  It is at a time like this I question what I am to do if other than what I did. 

This morning as I was having my devotions I asked God about this.  He reminded me that His strength isn’t often like what man calls muscle strength.  That strength often gets man in trouble for with it someone must win and someone must lose.  God wants His Kids to always win in His Ways.  He told me that restraint is one of His Strengths and it is a Gift I can use.  Using restraint allows the person to be heard regardless of their message and purpose of it.  There really wasn’t anything I could do at the moment but listen.  God’s timing is always right and God reminded me of this too.  Restraint keeps man from acting in man’s ways rather than God’s until God’s timing is present and then the action will be known.  I’ve got to keep this in the forefront of my mind as I go into each day. 

This morning God had a message for me I sure wasn’t anticipating.  I wrote yesterday about the man who has had 3 ER visits.  He and his wife were at the funeral yesterday.  During the lunch following the service the wife asked about when we’d meet to talk about an intervention.  Her husband wasn’t present at the time.  Three of us set a date for next Tuesday to do this.  Another friend at the service was talking about his son who just got out of jail and is living with them.  The son is not looking for work saying he needs to talk to his probation officer to see when he can work.  It has been two weeks and the probation officer hasn’t contacted them so he’s saying he can’t get a job until he knows these facts. I know this situation well and I know a probation officer will work with a work schedule when healthy work is being done. 

This morning as I was journaling I asked God to help me know what I ought to do about the Tuesday meeting (it seemed too far away when the problem is right now), and what to say to the dad about his son (I thought I should call and give some insights).  God’s response was amazing.  He said, “When you are journaling each morning and ask me something, I tell you.  The means of this is you are journaling your question/s and then you journal my response.  You never doubt what I tell you here and you act on it as I direct.  During the remainder of the day when I nudge you, you question.  It is My Holy Spirit Who is talking to you no matter what time of the day, when you journal and when you get a nudge.  The difference is in your belief.  You believe when you are writing, you question when I nudge and you haven’t asked and aren’t writing.”

I was truly awakened to a connection of living as a new creation.  The new creation trusts throughout the day, not just when he is more assured as I am in the early morning.  I really want to grow my trust and response to it during the rest of the day.  Wow, God is so GOOD!

I missed out in writing yesterday’s blog.  I had to leave early to take some grandkids to their schools so their mom could go to any early doctor’s appointment.  By the time I got home I needed to get ready for the school district I was working with for the day.  Anyway, what I want to write this morning is directly connected to Wednesday’s entry.

Last night we had a couple new guys join our small, share group.  Most of us in the group are 50 or above in age.  These two men are both in their 20’s.  I was needing to share about what I’d written in Wed.’s blog.  It is not an easy thing to share but I needed to do this for my own sake if for no other reason.  Remember–confession is good for the soul!  After I had shared this and one of the young men did his own sharing, he said he appreciated my honest confession.  He could sense the Holy Spirit in the room.  I am always amazed how God uses the most shameful things in our lives to inspire others.  I know this and have seen it over and over but when it is about our own story and the toxic shame of it, I still am always amazed.

Today the quartet I’m in is singing for a funeral of one of our Celebrate Recovery men.  I wrote about his dying a couple weeks ago.  This week another one of our men was in the hospital for the third time in a year with heart issues.  He has had two heart attacks but this last time was some other organ acting out and causing similar pain.  He, like the one who passed, is an alcoholic.  He has 4 children all married and 3 grandkids with another on the way.  Everyone is concerned.  He had found 45 days of sobriety but this recent visit was due to a relapse the night before.  Everyone who knows all of this is deeply concerned but the statistics say only 10% of those who get treatment from an intervention pushed upon them will benefit.  95% of those who want to quit and have an intervention profit.  We are in prayer about what to do as he won’t return calls.  Enough on this but I’d sure appreciate your prayers. 

God is so GOOD.  This journey of life I am on and each of us are on, is so much richer and promising when God is at the helm.  I so want to keep Him there too.

The lesson last night in our recovery class was one that hit me in the bullseye.  The unit we are into addresses shame and its grip on us.  While doing the exercises which the lesson requires, one cannot help but see the lingering issues the past still has on you.  It is quite amazing to take a big picture of sin and shame, nail it to the cross and it is another one to take all of the defects one is left with and nail each of them to the cross.  Let me be more specific.

For a number of years now I’ve been addressing the sin of my brother’s homosexual use/abuse of me.  I’ve nailed the sin to the cross many years ago.  In fact it was at the Celebrate Recovery annual conference when I did this in 2015.  This lesson on shame however, breaks the shame into all the different ways it grips us.  If someone who has been abused gets completely honest with you, there will be some pieces of the abuse they actually desire.  This was a huge awakening for me when many years ago my counselor pointed out that the sexual abuse turns desirous because it gratifies a natural body function.  Even though the means of the gratification are abusive, the result for the abused is a “good feeling”.  This very item brings about intense shame.  Why would one desire something they know is abuse?  Yet, it happens.  This lesson addresses it and requires the participant to write about it which I’ve done. The next step last night was telling the group what these are.  Confessing is said to be good for the soul no matter how tough it is.  Once this is all done one can nail this to the Cross of Christ also.

During the night I had a dream which was haunting.  I saw myself in the dream wanting to be gratified.  I felt sick in the dream for it, but it was nonetheless true (in the dream).  I didn’t give in to it in the dream but the desire was there.  In my devotions this morning, only as God orchestrates, I found Him and His guidance.  Sin is an awful, awful thing.  But, God’s Grace is abundantly greater and more gratifying once we believe and take the steps to find it. 

Today’s journal entry is tough for me to write but it is an important one.  I don’t ever know who the readers are, but I will tell you that you are not alone if you identify with any or all of what I’ve written.  Allow yourself the time to address whatever comes to mind rather than stuff it away as I’ve always done.  God is patiently waiting to help each of us take the steps to find His Strength and Grace along with freedom from all shame. 

Yesterday I was able to have a conversation with one of the young administrators I’ve needed/wanted to have for several weeks.  Last week he shared some critical information with me which told me a great deal about his reservations to move forward with the work needing to be done even though what he told me didn’t connect directly to this year’s work.  It was about his past experiences.  So, yesterday I thanked him for sharing with me last week.  I made the connection about what he shared to his reticence in moving forward with this new district’s work.  The look on his face was all I needed to see.  The connection was real for him.  I was able to say to him that it was ok to let the past remain in the past.  What he needed to learn from the past could be part of this present and future work but it didn’t need to control the healthy steps everyone should be taking.  It seemed to make perfect sense to him which was truly a God thing.  I used those words too.

In the time of the conversation this young man connected our relationship as moving forward also.  He had felt like I was “telling him things he wasn’t ready to hear” and this time I was telling him things he could hear.  God is all about timing, but it is His timing and certainly not man’s that makes the difference.  I so often want to push through things God hasn’t finished His work in.  I am better at sensing this with His Holy Spirit, but not all the time.  I have my own learning from this experience.  God is such an intimate, loving God always working in us to complete what His Kingdom Work desires us to be part of. 

Yesterday afternoon I took time to do most of the assignment we will cover in the recovery class tomorrow night.  One piece of the assignment has still not left me alone.  Backing up to yesterday morning, after the church service, Kathy and I have started a Sunday School class our pastor’s wife is teaching on Old Testament characters.  The reality of the class is more about Who God is and why He brought all of these characters about and how He used them in spite of sin entering into the picture.  The hugest piece of learning for me is the part about God’s relationship with them/us.  He desires so much to deeply be connected to each of us. 

Yesterday, the assignment I was baffled in doing was writing a love letter to myself from God.  It was a blank page which ended, “Love, God”  I had to fill in the page (letter).  Having gone so far on the journey of recovery I’ve found the truth in so many lies I’ve believed all of my life.  I’ve also found some parts of the lies I still have harboring pieces I needed to surrender and finally fully forgive.  These pieces have tied more to my dad than to any other part.  I’ve always known I’m a man but I’ve always known (or thought I did) that dad was ashamed of this body/person who had the body of a man but didn’t know how to do what men are so often capable of doing.  This mindset my dad had truly went deep into the person of me.  Now that I’ve been living more and more in the new creation mindset, I find myself able to let these old lies fully go. 

Writing the letter yesterday also brought about for me the chance to see how deeply God loves and cares for this person he created 68.5 years ago.  Have you thought about the fact God created each of us on purpose just like he did Abraham, David, John, Paul and all the other biblical characters of old?  The relationship He had with them He deeply desires with us.  The truth of this is going deeply within.  Even writing about it in this blog is helping clarify the immense importance of His Love for each of us.  I’m going to stay in this reflective mindset for a while.  I need to.  God told me this morning He wants me here as He isn’t done.  Relationships which are rich and deep take a lifetime so I’m going to stay here for the rest of my days.

Living the new creation life is its own journey.  One of the things I’ve recently heard, and maybe even put it into the blog at some recent point, is that Satan’s attacks on man are not so much to cripple us with guilt and shame.  It is far more about his being able to throw mud into God’s face (or attempt to do so).  God’s forgiveness sets us free but if Satan can get us to wallow in the shame of our actions he takes great pride in it.  I find that so often when I make a commitment to God I will struggle to do it or follow through with it.  Not only do I struggle to do it but I will find myself butting up against walls, etc. which often cause stumbling blocks. 

In my devotions of today I read Joyce Meyer saying that when we don’t find an answer from God we far too often jump to our own conclusion and “do it ourselves” thinking this is the best I can do.  This is the second thing I’m learning about living in the new creation.  God is often asking us to pause and be still during these times of “no answer” as the circumstances aren’t ready for us to move forward. When the disciples were told to pray and wait for the infilling of The Holy Spirit they weren’t given a timeframe.  They were given an assignment.  Waiting for the assignment to take place required them to stay on task of the assignment (pray) until God was ready.  These two items are very important as we step into living the new creation life given to us.  Understanding how much Satan will attempt to roadblock us and then to pause until the doors are opening to complete assignments in God’s way, not ours.  God’s timing is everything and I need to be reminded of this very often. 

Do you know what it is like to live as the new creation we are?  To be in full access to the Holy Spirit who lives within us?  To live with Christ Jesus fully on the throne of our life and keeping Him there throughout the living of each day?  I am becoming more and more aware that being a new creation and living the new creation life is its own journey which I am becoming quite conscious of. 

Yesterday was an intense day meeting with the ones in our state working with the under-performing schools/districts.  There is a good deal of need for these sites to do some dramatic work so that students don’t leave these districts having been poorly educated due to a lack of focus on them.  By the time the day was done I was back into my mode of thinking that I lived and worked under all of my career.  I was going to make this happen with the ones I’m assigned to assist.  However, as I reflect this morning I know perfectly well that this is not going to happen well if the Earnie of yesterday is the one going into the sites.  It is the Earnie committed to being the new creation and keeping Christ in the center of the work leading all of it which will make the ultimate difference.  I do know the operational practice of my old self.  God is wanting me to wait on Him and work under His leading as the steps are taken.  I know this way as my day begins with Him.  It is keeping myself surrendered during the day where I want and need to grow. 

Living the new creation is the goal of this year.  I know I will need to be brought back to this place several times and today was one of them. 

It was fun to experience my journey connecting with someone else’s journey last night at Celebrate Recovery.  One of the guys I presently sponsor was telling me about his recent dream.  It was Wed. night that he’d had it.  It seemed, as I was listening to it, to be directly from God’s Holy Spirit.  I asked him if it had relevant meaning for him?  He instantly said it was connected to his recent relapse.  All of a sudden his eyes lit up and he said, “God is wanting me to know I cannot open the door to temptation like I recently did.  He is showing me how to walk away and Satan will flee.”  This took place during the dinner hour and he then shared this in share group.  His relapse had haunted him making him think there was no use in continuing with CR.  Now he sees the truth in this.  He has been sober for almost 10 months and he had one fall.  Prior to this he’d not been sober from his addiction for more than a day or so.  His journey is just like so many others and now he could see this.  We praised God together.  Our God is so GOOD!