Our walk with God is never complete while we are here on earth. There is always more to learn and know about Him. Last night’s Mending the Soul class had only two of us in it for the men. Last week with my absence, only two of the 4 could meet so I met last night with the other one who wasn’t present last week. It allowed us to talk deeply about the cost of abuse as it relates to one’s beliefs and understandings about God.

As I continue through the book of John I read this morning about how the disciples questioned Jesus about God the Father. Jesus told them if you know me, you will know the Father. The disciples couldn’t see this then and I don’t think I see it very well today. It is difficult to get what one knows into what one believes. Another way of putting this is: “I believe, help thou my unbelief”. My trust has grown tremendously in the past few years and my understanding that God is an all-loving God has likewise grown. Still, as I walk through the questions we process in our class, I linger at times around the questions which go deeply into the core of believing. Sometimes it is easier to see God’s love for someone else than it is for oneself.

What I do know is that my intimacy with God is so much richer than it has ever been. My love and thanks for God, Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit is so much more than it has ever been. With this said, I go back to my opening line that our walk with God will never be complete while here on earth. However, what it will be is a growing love and intimacy which I cherish and want to share as much as possible.

I feel as though I’ve been in a time warp. Today I’m back home in Idaho and the past 8 days were somewhat of a dream. I re-enter a world of doing as I am up today. I read in my devotionals about the word of God and how it can simply be read as a story book or it can be read and interpreted by The Holy Spirit to our own spirit where the meaning goes deeply into God’s purposes. My scripture reading is in John where Christ is telling the disciples that they must decide to follow Him or to stay in the false mindsets of the Jewish leaders.

The deeper message of today is not so much about the doing, but about the motivation for the doing. The book of John is said to be the book of love. John was noted for understanding the love of Christ more so than the other disciples. I sense the challenge to analyze all of the doing I take part in and see if the results are of love or of a selfish motivation? As I step into today I will be more conscious of people for which I mingle. I ask God’s Spirit to speak to me and confirm or dis-confirm the purity of my motives. I don’t want to be selfish, but I do want to be fully surrendered.

I didn’t forget yesterday’s blog due to time change, it was that we were gong to church with my aunt and family and the service they attend is at 8:00 am so we were up and gone early in order to be there on time. We spent much of the day with them and it was glorious! My cousin is the one who heads the recovery program at their church and last year I gave my testimony for them. Having dinner with them and sharing so much about life along with the humorous moments thrown in was a huge treat.

Today we head back to Idaho leaving here a little before noon to return the car and get to the airport. It has been a trip to remember and cherish. This morning as I was journaling I asked God what He wanted me to know from Him for today? He reminded me that I have not gone yet so don’t move home in my mind. Enjoy the remaining time with my sis Bonnie. Each day has been a reward in so many ways. I do thank God for this time with her and with all of our remaining relatives here. God is actively working and this trip was a nice reminder of this.

This morning’s devotions tied directly to the pastor’s sermon yesterday. “Don’t think you need more of the Holy Spirit in your life, know that the Holy Spirit needs more of you surrendered to Him.” The only darkness in our lives is that which we still are trying to hide or keep hidden from others. Don’t let this happen–surrender this and let the purifying Light of Jesus shine through. God wants to heal while Satan wants to destroy. I know all of this so well and loved the sermon as well as my morning reminder today.

As I was journaling this morning I found myself troubled over some situations which had taken place. I was writing about them as though my writing was, of course, in line with God’s. However, when I asked my daily question of what Jesus wanted me to know for today, He was quick to point out that the troubled feelings I had from yesterday were mine. They had nothing to do with Him. He wanted me to be reminded of the fact that He is the judge and I am not. He wants me seeking His Wisdom when I am troubled, not jumping to conclusions as though my conclusions are endorsed by Him. This was a timely and good lesson for me.

Today we will spend most of it with my niece and her family. It is Alice’s family. Alice will be there too. We will go and pick her up on our way. She is fragile and will never do the things we use to be able to do together. I can come to grips with this as hard as it is. It is hard to know what she treasures these days for most of her expression is gone. I will just rely on what seems appropriate at the time. In spite of this, I know God is good and is in the midst of this all. Human life is temporary, and life with Jesus is what is eternal. I’m so grateful for this truth!

It is Friday already. The week passes so quickly. The time we are having could not be any better. How much I am enjoying it! I had a lengthy talk with my Aunt Billie yesterday morning. She hadn’t been feeling well when we first arrived but she said she is doing fine now. We will spend much of Sunday with her and her family who live in the area. She was so helpful a year ago telling me the truth about my uncle and my false beliefs about him and my father. It was also when we returned from the trip last year that I was doing the chapter in Mending the Soul which hit upon Neglect as a form of abuse. This was where I needed to face the absence of my mom during all the years of abuse from Rich and dad. I was able to face the fact that mom was human and my life has been so much more free knowing mom’s absence of attention during those years was not about my lack of value to her. It was all about mom’s humanness which caused her to freeze during those times. I know this trait as I fight it myself.

The healing love of God never stops working as long as we continue to reach out to Him. I always wanted instant healing like Jesus gave the man in John 9. Instead, God has given healing to me in multiple stages as I have been ready to face each next step. The reality is much different God’s Way. He wanted me to use my past as His Tool. I wanted healing so no one would ever know my past. God is such a tremendously loving Father. I claim Him as mine and what is so beautiful is that He claims me as His and did so long before I knew it.

So many people come to Southern California to do this and that. There is an endless amount of ocean shore for visitors as well as tourist attractions. Everyone we meet wants to know what attractions we’ve taken in thus far? I’m always taken back by the question because my only attraction I came to see are the ones I love who live here. Spending time with them catching up on their lives is the ultimate goal of this time. As each day ends I am ready for bed and my heart is full from the day’s time with different family members. I know not all vacations are meant to be this way, but that is what S. Calif. is for me.

I am challenged of late by the writings of John and both devotionals I’m reading. In each of them the focus is to recognize our sin, dedicate our lives fully to Christ and then go and sin no more. These were Christ’s words to the woman brought to Him by the Jewish leaders in John 8:1-11.

I know there are times when all of us step into unintentional sin–for me it is usually driven by some selfish action and I suppose that would be the case for all of us. Yet, we all have a sin nature with known sin. I do believe this is what Christ is asking us to step away from and “sin no more”. I use to believe I could never do this and that God would hopefully take me home during a moment in time when I wasn’t sinning. However, today I know beyond a shadow of doubt that Christ can and does empower us to step away from sin as Paul tells us in I Corinthians 10:13. For this I am forever grateful! No matter our sin, none is too great for God’s forgiveness and empowerment to leave behind as he told the woman brought to Him.

Today is a day on the road going to a number of places with both sisters. We’re leaving soon and I’m not getting this done due to my visiting with Bonnie. Thus, I’ll be back tomorrow!

California is a beautiful place this time of year. The hills are covered with wild lilac blooming. We drove to the coast and saw the fields of ranunculus in full bloom. They are beautiful–much like the fields of tulips one finds in Holland or in northern Washington. We had my older sis with us. Yes, she is losing ground but she will likely be with us for some time yet. It is her mind which is slowly slipping away at this point.

The book of John is such a different read this time. Jesus is truly alive and speaking a language the world around Him does not comprehend even though it is their common language. It is the message of the words which are not understood. Jesus is talking with a spiritual intent. John, as the author, by the time he writes his book, has caught this intent and is able to write the book with this in mind. It is amazing how so many of Jesus followers kept their intent for Him front and center as they heard him and translated his message to fit them. How often I have done this today and how I have grown to understand that my intent or translation of Jesus work starts with my own selfishness. It isn’t until I recognize this that I can surrender it and then begin to see Christ’s richer, fuller intent and purpose. This Christ we serve is such a Savior and such a Friend!

We are here! Southern California is always a treat for me to visit. I keep telling myself we are only here for a week and I can’t stay. As soon as I arrive my emotions jump to figuring out a way to stay here. Yet, I know as soon as I walk into my yard at home I know I am at the right place and that is where I want to be. The oranges, avocados, lemons and more are ripe and at the fruit stands. I love all of this!

We will go see my older sis today. My sis Bonnie tells me she is losing ground which will be hard to experience but I’m putting that away so we can simply enjoy the time we will have together.

The book of John is alive. I’ve always known that John had an intimate relationship with Jesus unlike any of the other disciples. One can see this in just the way his book is written compared to the other gospels. The first three gospels tell about Jesus’ time on earth. John does the same, but he does it through relationships being built. He brings out the living, loving, compassionate Jesus in spite of all that He endured while on earth to complete His Father’s purpose for His coming.

When I first started reading the bible I found it offensive when John and his brother asked Jesus, from their mother’s prompting, if they could have the seats on either side of him in heaven. I read that and thought they were just filled with too much ego. Behind this ego of John was a loving, longing heart that understood Christ’s purposes and His Heart. John is the one Christ said to care for His mother after his death which John did. I love what John writes about Christ and the relationship he had with Him. I believe Christ wants this with all of us as we better surrender and obey His every nudge in our lives.

March has come–Spring is upon us, the wedding was superb, now it is to California we go. My biggest hope yesterday was for God to be glorified. I believe He was. The brilliance of His Light seemed to glow and my heart is full.

There was an unexpected blessing yesterday morning. My ex-wife and I were able to talk about our own pasts and the lies we believed about ourselves while we were married and what led to our divorce. Kathy was listening to us and I knew she was praying. My ex-wife’s ex-husband was also present and he had tears rolling down his cheeks while this conversation took place. It really was a healing moment for everyone present. I shared with her the Mending the Soul material we use for abuse victims with our restoration classes at church. This is what did so much good for me a year ago. I believe she will find someone to go through it with when she gets home. She has her own story which God is waiting to heal.

Our God is such an loving, amazing God–full of patience and wisdom waiting for us to finally see Him even in the tortuous past which Satan has used against us throughout our life. Yes, God does provide a way of escape once we finally take the step of faith into what we call darkness so the penetrating Light of His Love can shatter the darkness and shed Light onto the Truth of His Healing Love. This started yesterday morning in an area I never thought would happen. Praise God!