I started the book of Hebrews this morning. At this point in my life I’ve lived long enough to become fairly well acquainted with the characters in the Bible. Paul, being the author of several books in the New Testament, gives you much insights into his own life and person. When I read each book I tend to read it from the lens of the writer. Paul was concerned about the people in each book written so he sent a letter. He’d usually reference why he was concerned too which would tell you things about himself.

As I began reading Hebrews I noted that the author of it is unknown. It started to be perplexing to me because the book has tremendous insights for each of us. I just have to then take what is written as being very personal and the writer being God. I know that all of the Bible’s message is from God to us but I usually don’t get to that point until I work through the writer’s first intent and then I also apply it to me.

OK, that being said, I read Hebrews 1:14. It says: “Are not the angels all ministering spirits sent out in the service of those who are to inherit salvation?” This verse made me think back to a most traumatic moment in my counseling/therapy 8-9 years ago. The counselor was doing EMDR (a therapy used for PTSD) with me and we were addressing shame. At the end of the session I was so heavily laden with the weight of it I was unable to move. In fact, I was so weighted down I could barely whisper. The counselor had told me if I were unable to lift the weight of the shame then as God to send His angel to help. In my head I asked for this assistance but no one came. The counselor asked me what was happening and I whispered, “No one came but then no one ever came during those times of abuse and the damage all of it had done.” She told me to not believe that lie and to ask again. This time there were two beings present. Somehow I knew it was God and Jesus but I sure can’t explain how I knew this. My spirit simply recognized them. They lifted the weight and then they were gone. As I left the counseling session my counselor reminded me to thank God and Jesus for coming to help. While I was driving back I said thank you to God and Jesus and then asked why they didn’t send an angel? Instantly I heard in my mind this statement, “We didn’t send an angel because we wanted you to know you matter to Us.” Good grief, I was so taken back by this response I had to pull off the road as I wept. I never knew they cared that much for me.

All these years later I find something in this scripture I’ve not noted before. The angels protect us, God heals us. When Christ and God came that morning they were removing the shame from me which the therapy had brought out. This is the work of Christ and Christ alone. This is why Christ died on the cross for each of us. What an amazing God we have!

Happy Father’s Day–to any reader who is a dad. We will have a house and yard full of kids and grandkids later today. That is the joy of this day!

Yesterday I had to confess my selfish desire to not share the day with the needs of another couple. Even though we went, that desire hadn’t changed until I got a chance to see the yard and get better acquainted with the wife. (This couple is related to dear friends of ours and since I like gardening we were asked to give assistance even though we don’t know them very well). The yard had several flower beds which I could instantly tell were well maintained at one time but now left to neglect. I figured the wife had to be the gardener because I knew her husband well enough to know he could care less about a yard. When I met the wife and talked briefly with her about some wishes she had, I saw her heart–it felt like mine does about my own yard! The rest of the work time was spent with a commitment to make this place beautiful for a gardener who can now only garden in her heart. God has a nice way of waking us up when we need to have an attitude adjustment.

Today being Father’s Day and God being our Father, may He be glorified above all others this day!

Does 20-20-20 have any significance other than being the first day of summer?

Today I head to a couple’s place to do yard work for them this morning. They each have some debilitating issues not allowing them to do the work they used to do. So, I’m joining a few others to do the yard while our wives do the house cleaning. I selfishly wanted to have this day to be in my own yard and I’ll be back to do this for the afternoon. However, my own humanness wants to step in and say, “Let those others take care of this need.” I know that when Kathy and I leave we will be very glad we came. Sometimes fighting our flesh just has to be done in order to do what God nudges.

If you want to have some things to ponder–read the 3rd chapter of Titus. Paul is giving Titus some good insights to share with the people of Crete. The similarities to our own present world situation have some real commonalities.

Yesterday was a day of activity, not rushed, but one event following another. It ended with our Celebrate Recovery meeting and my sharing my testimony. There were three people who came that don’t normally attend. They had seen the Facebook post I’d done. It is difficult to write about this as I don’t want it to sound like–“boy, did I do good.” It was a humbling, yet rewarding time to see how God uses one’s story to prompt others to step into their own telling what has been bottled up inside them as a poison. One young man was a great example of this. He has been coming for a year or so and just couldn’t quit wiping tears as he shared in our small group time.

This morning I’ve struggled with writing today’s entry. I personally feel spent–emotionally. However, right beneath the emotional sense is a gratefulness for God’s relentless love and grace He bestows on each of us. I give much attention in my story to God’s help separating struggle from identity. He wants our identity to be in Him, not in the circumstances of whatever our lives have been. This piece was mentioned by almost every man in attendance. We all struggle with this topic. We think God sees us the way we do. This is such a lie from Satan. God sees us as He created us. If we have accepted Christ Jesus into our heart He sees us through the cleansing blood of His Son Jesus. We are seen as white as snow! It has taken me a life time to get to this reality of truth. God is truly a God of Love and Grace. How much I love and thank Him for this!

I’m sure we have all had the experience of being with a great friend. It just doesn’t matter what we do when we’re together, it’s all about having the time to just be together. This morning’s devotional time was emphasizing this message about my relationship with Christ Jesus. He is far more interested in in our relationship than He is about what I’m going to do with Him. I’ve always journaled what the day has in store and hoping that what I’m doing is in line with His leadership in my life. I want to make sure what I’m doing is right and done well. The light seemed to click on when I was reading my devotions. That message is that my relationship IS the most important thing between God–Jesus and me. In fact, I heard his nudge to spend all that I’m doing today totally with Him. Don’t “worry” about the things I do, simply enjoy being in the presence of my best Friend. If I’m to lend wisdom or healthy thought to someone I can know that this will be a direct result of the relationship.

I have to admit that I have been eager but concerned about today. This morning I am meeting for breakfast with a friend who resigned from her very toxic position as a school superintendent. I believe I wrote about this a week or so ago. Tonight I give my testimony to our Celebrate Recovery group. I want to “do” both of these well.

The message of this morning was an excellent one for me. I don’t want to present an anxious man as I step into the day. I step into it as a friend listening and sharing plus coming with the Wisest Friend of all–Jesus Christ.

I’m sure you have heard the quote: “take all thought captive”. It is actually scriptural coming from II Corinthians 10:5. When I wrote yesterday about the dreams of the previous two nights, I had told no one about all of this. To be honest, these times cripple me leaving me feeling as though I have so many things wrong. They destroy confidence. Telling my prayer warrior and writing yesterday’s blog did just what I was to do–tell. The dreams were beginning to connect to those of my younger adult years when I was so lost. Those were years of hiding and severe torment. By simply telling, they are now gone. Last night I slept far better than I usually do. I remember getting into bed and that’s about it.

Taking thought captive is what we are to do but I am helpless to take a crippling thought captive on my own. This action is accomplished when I surrender the thought to the one’s God has given me to fight by their prayers and support. It was a good lesson for me and a good reminder for me to not go back to habits of youth where I kept in secret these actions. My confidence is not found in my personal strength. My confidence is found in my humility to admit and surrender for these are spiritual battles which are fought and won God’s way–not mine.

II Timothy 2 starts with this message: “So you, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.” I’m giving my testimony this coming Thursday night for our own Celebrate Recovery group. Why in the world would I be uptight about this? I’ve done it annually now for 11 years. These folks know me best. In addition to these times, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve told my story to other groups. Yet, these last two nights I have been unable to sleep. I keep having dreams which awaken me with confusion and anxiety. When I got up this morning and started my devotions I was journaling about all of this. It was then that I felt God’s nudge to tell my prayer warrior (why I hadn’t thought of this is beyond me!). She isn’t usually up that early in the morning, but today she responded almost immediately with verses and promises God has for each of us (me) in our times of distress.

In my past I’ve tried to “bite the bullet” with these anxiety attacks keeping them to myself knowing they will pass once the time (event) is over. God has been teaching me that “telling” is what He wants done. It not only allows Him to take charge, but it also gives others the chance to do the part God wants them to do. Why would I have a prayer warrior if I don’t allow them to fight in prayer? Even though my guts may be in knots right now, I am confident that God is going to be glorified just as He always is when we surrender to Him.

Today Paul wrapped up his letter to Timothy in I Timothy 6. “Fight the good fight”, “learn to be content”. These two focus areas were big ones for Paul as he is instructing Timothy. God took Paul through many strenuous circumstances teaching him these character traits. Paul is instructing Timothy about their importance. While I am reading this I felt like Timothy. I am needing solid instruction in what a good fight looks like which we participate in but let God do the fighting–all the while being content.

One of the quotes Joyce Meyer provides is a home-run for me. It reads: “We usually don’t learn contentment until we give up seeking it our way. What usually happens is that we live discontented lives for a long time and then finally pray, ‘Lord, I do not want to live this way any longer. Getting this thing or having that thing is not worth it. I do not want to be miserable anymore!'”

Right now for me it is about waiting patiently and being content in the waiting. There are many unknowns I’d like to put a plan to but now is not the time for the plan. I sense strongly God is working out details I can’t see. I really needed today’s lesson. I want to fight this battle by being content in waiting. This is another one of those “one day at a time–one moment at a time” items.

The journey of life is not to be taken lightly. Each morning as I get to this point in my day where I sit down at the computer to write this entry I reminisce the previous one. Sometimes this is easy and even rewarding. Others are ones I’d like to steel off as I learned to do as a child. Still others are ones where I seemed to forget I was suppose to be seeking God and I only sought my own self. All of this certainly shows my humanness. However, each and everyday, I renew my commitment to serve God well, listen to His Holy Spirit as He nudges, and respond to each nudge as it comes. Do I do well with this? Reading those three categories above answers that. I don’t tally each day to see where I light, but always my goal is to have each reflection be easy and rewarding because my obedience has been sound.

Today I go to church early because our quartet is leading worship. At noon time our Celebrate Recovery leadership is meeting. In both cases the ministries look very different than before this current crisis. I keep wanting to have them go back to the way they were before all of this hit. However, I need to not steel off the crisis we are in. Many people say we are in the last days. I don’t doubt that’s true. However, I don’t know how to respond to it. I write this last sentence and I hear God’s voice say to not respond to “it,” but, instead, Respond to ME.

Yesterday’s message was about disillusionment. I don’t want to be living where I judge others. I want to support and to respond to God’s nudges with obedience that looks like support. I pray for God’s strength to do this well and that I will not steel off the reality of today, nor will I try to interpret reality through my own thinking. Instead, I will respond to my One True God–Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit He has given me.

This morning Paul is giving Timothy a great deal of information about being a good leader. Sometimes I wish I could put my life in reverse, back up so I could redo my earlier years. I am not talking about my childhood. I’ve never wanted to reenter those years . It was bad enough reentering them through the years of counseling. What I’m referencing today are the younger adult years. These years were absent of sound mentoring like Paul is giving Timothy in chapter 3 of I Timothy. I know that I had read this chapter and the others in these two little books but I had no one taking the information and helping me process it into my actions and decisions at the time.

When I read Oswald Chamber’s devotional this morning he had written about disillusionment. His writing was helping me see that when we are working with and socializing with others, we must be careful to not overly criticize or judge. We can get disillusioned when we have expectations for others which don’t fit them. We need to see beyond present behaviors and ask God to help us see others as He does. The time of judging man is never ours. God has an appointed time for which He will judge. He asks us to discern and to pray for discernment. I needed help with this area in my younger years and sometimes I do today. God sees all men as His creation just as you and I are. He sent Jesus to die for us and give us first hand opportunity to come to Him. So, He sure doesn’t want me judging or criticizing as I get close to others. He wants me to help, support, love and discern just as Jesus modeled so well.

This is my lesson for today!