Today my baby sis turns 69. Does that mean she’s not a baby anymore? It’s funny how aging doesn’t change the mindset. Our age moves on, but how we see our family often stays the same. Either way, she is fun-fun-fun as well as a real prayer warrior. She is in Indiana to be close to her own kids and grandkids. I love her!

Yesterday was an amazing day for me. I had a meeting on Tuesday with the two counselors that work with me. I had asked them to share a counseling process they’d referenced before, but I was unfamiliar with it. The meeting was long so the one said she’d come early yesterday and let me experience the process. In so doing, I needed to reopen a meeting/conversation with my dad, my mom and then she had me reopen a conversation with my “little Earnie”. All of this brought me very meaningfully back to my own days of counsel. What I hadn’t expected was my response to meeting with my own self. I found myself tenderly talking to little me. I didn’t realize I’d grown to love myself. I use to hate how God made me, but today, I love the person God made me to be.

As I sat through a counseling session I still observe the other counselor doing, I participated in a conversation about “living life” vs “enduring life”. She had asked the counselee when he knew he would live (this question follows a near fatal accident he’d had about 15 years ago). He stumbled with this question a good deal. I finally asked him if there were a difference for him between living life and enduring life? He immediately said, enduring life is what he’s been doing all of these years. He’d lost his youthful hope that he could live life. I truly resonated in his words. When I had gotten to college I had thought I would be free from the bondage of home only to find that now I had to hide this bondage. I couldn’t live life, I had to hide it/endure life.

The experience of meeting with dad, mom and me yesterday showed me how much I live life today. I have no secrets. Living life allows us to walk each day in the freedom from the bondage that suffocates us. This gift of Freedom God gives us is nothing less than a MIRACLE that has taken me a lifetime to accept. I am one grateful man for finally recognizing just how special this gift is!

The message of yesterday’s post is still important for today. In fact, when I began my scripture reading I was nudged to read the same passages I did yesterday. This is all in Psalms 89. The struggles of life don’t even begin to compare to the overwhelming love of God. My devotional went deeply into our need to surrender to God every single dark corner of ourselves. We all have those cravings, lusts, desires we want to hang onto. They deter us for a moment and we think that is OK–it’s only for a moment. God, on the other hand, wants every moment and He wants to be the cravings of our heart and mind.

In Psalms 89 vs’s 30-32, it says in part, “But, if his children turn from me and forsake my words refusing to walk in my truth…, I will surely punish them for their sins… until they regret it.” It goes on to say in vs 33, “But I will never, no never, lift my faithful love from off their lives. My kindness will prevail and I will never disown them.”

So many people need to know that God will never disown them. The world may, but not God. This is an abundant truth that needs to be delivered often to those hurting.

I have a dear friend who is battling cancer. She and her husband are seeing her doctor this morning to consult on a better route of treatment since the tumor is growing. As I was beginning to read Psalms 89 in The Passion (translation), there is a footnote in verse 1. The verse says: “This forever-song I sing of the gentle love of God!” The footnote for this verse says: “The Hebrew word for ‘sing’ has multiple homonyms. Shuwr can also mean wall. When we feel like we are up against a wall, it is time to sing and see ourselves break through by faith. But shuwr can also mean to behold or to perceive. As we sing to God in abandoned worship, we perceive that his glory is greater than the wall that stands before us….”

There is a second piece to this chapter which is also important. It is found in vs 15. It says, “O Lord, how blessed are the people who know the triumphant shout.” It’s footnote reads, “The Hebrew word for triumphant shout is teruah, a homonym for the word for brokenness. Our triumphant shout can be powerful even in the midst of our brokenness.”

I took a picture of this chapter with footnotes and sent it to this couple. I also want to share it with a couple of the folks I see in counseling sessions. We are going to sing this wall of darkness down and shout the triumphant shout just as the Israelites did (from God’s instruction) with the walls of Jericho.

There’s another lesson God has been wanting me to learn from the past many weeks of preparation for our Christmas production. That lesson I’ve hit upon in the past few days, but God was bringing it to mind again this morning as it relates to my everyday living. This is the point of God/Jesus/Holy Spirit being my Helper and not my lead. (This may sound trite to some, but to me it is a visual I’ve needed). All through scripture there are references to biblical characters asking for God’s help. In the New Testament Christ points out He will send The Holy Spirit who will Help. John 14:26 says, “But THE HELPER, the Holy Spirit, who the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.”

God has been wanting me to learn that I don’t need to be replaced, I need to be helped. He never once intended for me to believe the lies I was fed. Help is what He wants me to ask for, not replacement. Believing, Trusting, having Faith are the big ingredients for being HELPED. I was believing I couldn’t be helped enough, I needed to be replaced and that’s the big lie. This morning I asked God to HELP me believe as He wants me to believe from this day forward. As I said yesterday, it will be one day at a time and one moment at a time. I’m ready to be a new creation who believes better than I’ve ever believed before!

Trusting works! I say this because I’m following up the blog of yesterday. The production yesterday went as smoothly as any other and the audience said over and over it was the best Christmas production they’d ever witnessed. To God be the Glory! As I would begin to go into “my panic–control” and rehash every line I was to say, I reminded myself to trust. Every line was there and I just didn’t need to worry about it. I even had a moment to tell our director how God had used her prayer the day before to teach me a lesson in TRUST.

Today all of the angst of the past many weeks is fading. But, I don’t want to simply rejoice that it is done and move past. There were some big lessons God wants me to keep in my daily living while I continue to trust Him in ways I’ve not done before. I know this is “one day at a time, one moment at a time” (as stated in The Serenity Prayer). From this point forward I’d like to put this trust into place as I approach new, challenging items in life rather than having to learn to trust while going through them–whatever they may be.

What a wonderful GOD we get to serve!

I have lived for December 3rd to get here since last July when I was given the script for this Christmas musical. Today completes it. Now that it is here and I’ve lived through all of the practices and the angst of getting prepared, I had to ask God to forgive me for my attitude during most of this time. He has taught me many lessons and this last one is definitely one which I never want to lose.

In the process of living life I have lived with a belief that I am insufficient. (We all are within ourselves, but my belief of me went far beyond this insufficiency). I may do some things well, but that would be because I got lucky. Most of the time I blunder and have to bury it, redo it, etc. I’ve learned to pray for Jesus to not only take the lead, but to literally be in front of me so I am following up His Work. This way I wouldn’t be blundering. Last night as we were preparing to walk to the sanctuary for the program’s start, our director prayed that Jesus would “help” us complete our part to His Honor and Glory. I said in my head that I didn’t want His help, I wanted Him in front so I could simply follow His lead. I wanted far more than just “help”. The program began and all of this got lost in the production, (which did go well).

This morning Jesus wasn’t through with my needing to be awakened. He brought me back to our director’s prayer. He said that He didn’t intend to be in front, His Light (SPIRIT) was there and He wanted me to TRUST His Light. I’ve wanted to see Jesus Himself in front so I could be dependent on something “more secure”. His Light is sufficient when I TRUST. I can know this because that sense of “peace that passeth all understanding” confirms it. I can sense this peace when I take this step of TRUST. Today, in this last production, I’m going to TRUST!

The first program presentation is past. Just as God wants, the people laughed abundantly, shed tears and found tremendous JOY in the production. It felt good to know this and hear it from the halls where we waited for our next entrance. As I sat down with my coffee to start my journaling this morning I wanted to write–only two more times and then it’s done. However, Jesus had a different message He wanted me to hear from Him. It was, “It is time to lift your eyes from yourself and see my greater purpose for this program.”

When I wrote this message down I knew God wanted me to awaken to the truth that His new creations do not need to focus on “protecting” themselves. I have been allowing myself to live in that victim mentality. Yes, learning to live as a new creation–knowing as well as believing–is learning to trust. The preparations are over. It is time now to live in the purpose of the program, trusting God to complete what He inspired someone to write–letting people see a genuine Christmas program that brings honor and glory to our Savior and Lord–Jesus Christ–Son of the Most High GOD!

When I’m with folks and they are complaining about life in general I try to change the focus somehow. I have never enjoyed complaining. Then, these past few days take place where I am starting my mornings with complaining. The complaints aren’t about life in general, it’s about me. I want to be stronger than I am. I don’t want to look like flesh, yet I am. There is only one GREAT I AM and that will never be me, it is God Almighty who called Himself the Great I AM.

There is nothing that brings out my insecurities like this Christmas program does. Putting myself in front of others to perform brings out voices I’ve lived with all of my life. Tonight is the start of the actual performance. I recognize each morning that my earthly self wants to run and tell the director to get someone else! Yet, God is wanting me to learn an important lesson. I’ve always wanted to be a good student, but in this case, the lesson is TOUGH! These insecurities are deep rooted. Just writing this makes me face this truth. I need to surrender this and will do so. I know and believe I am a new creation. I’m also going to PRAISE GOD for the lesson. I don’t want to live in this fear any longer. I can be nervous without this fear. Dad’s voice/messages are lies that Satan wants to torment me with and I give them to my GREAT HEALER–JESUS CHRIST!

As I got to the rehearsal last night, our director complimented me for having all of my parts down. Well, of course, as last night took place, I got to a line where my mind was blank–what do I say here??? So much for having it down! One just can’t be too confident.

It seems to be a daily thing that I need to be refocused on praising God rather than complaining to Him. I started out this morning journaling to Jesus telling Him my concerns and my weaknesses along with my selfishness. When I was done and asked Him what He wanted me to know for today, He wasn’t quiet about the reminder of praising Him instead of complaining to Him. Yesterday’s telling me this seemed to be only good for yesterday. I needed this again today. Breaking an old–very old habit of worry/angst over details out of my control and even some I don’t control well, is not easy. But, I do say that when I turn this around and praise Jesus for what He’s going to do with these details ahead of time, the angst disappears and I have this sense of assurance that all will be just fine. Let it go!

I don’t know what I’d do if God weren’t so patient with me/us. His Grace and Love are so superior to that of the world. How I love and thank Him for this!

It seems God was not done yesterday helping me to believe that I’m a new creation who believes each and every day. Last night’s rehearsal was a little over 3 hours, but it went well for the most part. The next two nights should easily bring the loose ends together. When I arose this morning I started my journaling telling Jesus I needed some help this morning. I feel wiped out and it’s just the first trial run. He reminded me that praising Him works better than complaining to Him. Praising Him falls in line with BELIEVING. My devotional stayed right on this same topic. It pointed out that picturing in my mind the beauty of what I hope for developing into fruition is what God wants me to do. Along with this, praise Him for this outcome ahead of its actualizing.

I really needed this spiritual insight. I’ve been picturing my screw-ups and dance stumbling. Instead, God is asking me to picture what I hope for. Taking a moment to do this is nothing less than fun. It takes me immediately into a mindset of–I can not only do this, it is fun too! How faithful and nurturing our God is. I PRAISE HIM this day!