Last night I was planning to go to a Celebrate Recovery program I found was taking place here in Montana where I am. However, by the time I had gotten back to my room to change it had already begun and was 30 minutes into their night. I was a little disappointed, but from the reason I am here to support the schools, I was glad the day took the amount of time it did. We were able to address some important issues and build the start of a plan for working through them.

Something I’ve been wrestling with within my mind is that biblical counseling is for every need one might have. Even though I’ve spent my life reading the bible since I started college in 1968, I’ve found verses which I thought should help, such as I Corinthians 10:13, but it didn’t help me when I was in high school and didn’t help me until much more recently. So, I am beginning to understand that counseling is more about helping one take the promise of scripture/s and unravel the roadblock/s. Of course, many of my roadblocks were found in unbelief and my own belief about my value to God. These were identified and even addressed in counseling, but not brought to believing the opposite which I finally began to find through the 3-R’s and the 3-S’s: Recognize, Reject, Replace/Self-Love, Self-Confidence, Self-Appreciation.

God is so faithful and loving. He just doesn’t quit or give up until we find His Purpose. This is something I want to understand more fully as I pursue this new endeavor so I can help others find this truth for themselves.

All of my life I’ve been afraid of the “time” when someone actually sees through me and identifies the sinner I am. It would be then that I would have to quit being an educator. They would know my past disallows me from doing what I love to do. The irony of this fear is that God has taken this past and made it my reason for living each day.

This morning’s devotional time has been powerful once again. My devotional said, “It is time for the highest praises to fill your heart. Sing your songs of devotion. Let your worship rise before me. Do not be afraid to completely surrender. Allow me to break open your soul so that my presence floods in. For when you yield your all to me, I will unveil your true identity. Access to my presence has been granted, so that you will know me, discover who I’ve created you to be and carry my glory to the ends of the earth.”

I’ve longed for my identity to be hidden so I could be a good educator/administrator. Today I see finally that the new creation God made me to be has an identity of its own and God will define it as I surrender fully to His leading in my life each and every day of it. How I love and adore Him for His patience with me as I learn total obedience.

It is quite early in the morning as I write this entry. I’m headed to the airport in 30 minutes for my monthly trip to Montana. I only have one more of these bringing that contract to an end. I enjoy the people in this district and I know God wanted me to do this. Today, as I began to journal I was telling Jesus how much I needed Him and His Strength to keep me strong. The evening times can be a can of worms for temptation. I’ve already told my sponsor to stay in touch and I will with him. Most of all I simply need to keep my eyes on Jesus knowing He is the anchor of my soul.

When I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know for today, He said in part, “…I Am here–right here every step of the way. You are Mine!” As I finished journaling I opened the devotional to read today’s entry. This is how it started. “Beloved one, I have chosen you to be mine, to be close to me. Have you grown weary with your journey? I will encourage you. I will be a Father to you, seeker of my heart….” Isn’t it just like Jesus to reinforce His Message so we truly get it! I love our Savior and Lord!

As this journey continues I’m now beginning to understand a good deal more about spirit-living. In John 3, Jesus is approached by Nicodemus. Everything he asked Jesus came from the understanding of his mind. Jesus response to each question came from the Spirit. Being born again was accepted by faith in Jesus Christ, not understood from the world of man’s thinking/reasoning. So much of my behaviors towards my own personal relationship with Jesus has come from my own fears and understanding/reasoning rather than from my faith and trust. As I am learning to live each day as a new creation, Jesus, The Great Teacher, is teaching me to separate my thinking from my trust. I need to let go of my old thinking patterns. I simply cannot walk into each day and live each moment of the day with only understanding. However, I can walk into each day and live each moment of the day trusting Jesus and His Holy Spirit within me. My devotional said this morning that living each day in obedience to God’s Spirit within us brings continuous Joy even when there is chaos around us.

Satan wants to continuously torment me with “reasons why” I should not be taking these next steps into biblical counseling. My mind and emotions want to respond to him in agreement. However, my spirit knows beyond all doubt that I am to remain obedient to God’s Spirit’s nudges taking each day as it comes and being joyful in them. It is then that I am at “peace in the storm”.

The book of John in our bible truly is one which takes Jesus to a level of relationship for me that is different than the other three gospels. When I wrote yesterday about knowing vs believing, when it comes to Jesus, all of this is centered around the relationship I didn’t have with Jesus when I only knew Him. All of my years I wanted Jesus to perform a miracle in my life that if done would have stopped His very purpose for me. I thought I didn’t matter to God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit because they would never take away the torment of my past by removing all of its memory and curses. Now that I have truly begun to understand the foundation of being a new creation, I TRUST Jesus to use this past for His Glory and in so doing I find a joy I would have never known otherwise. Instead of torment from sharing it I see a Light for others who are in their own darkness.

Knowing is very important, but believing is what builds the relationship. God said He created me in His own image. Jesus said I was to love my neighbor as myself. I knew these two rich facts but I didn’t believe them to be true for me. Today, I not only believe these to be true, but the evidence of it brings such Joy. God is so GOOD, Patient and Kind!

As a young believer in my 20’s, our pastor at the time (who was the husband of my prayer warrior and who passed away a couple of years ago) would say to read the book of John if you want to know Jesus. Never have I realized until now that knowing Jesus and believing Jesus is just as real for you as for everyone else, are two very different “knows”. I can know about someone, but it isn’t until I meet them and spend time with them that I know more than information.

Even though I’ve had Jesus in my life as Savior and Lord for many, many years, I’ve not been able to know Him as I am beginning to now. Believing that what John says about Jesus in his book is truly different from knowing this information. The more information I had only built more longing within me for Jesus to finally love me. Little did I know that it was me loving Earnie I was needing. I couldn’t see myself as lovable knowing what had been done to me. I had never been able to see Christ’s work on the Cross as cleansing me from sin done to me. All of these years later I am filled with gratitude and love for Christ’s cleansing work.

I still have my moments of doubt which Satan is relentless in tempting me, but today I have a Savior and Lord to counter these attacks. Glory be to God!

The journey of yesterday was a wonderful success giving my grandson the info he desired. Now it is time for God to work in and with him helping him make some decisions about his future steps.

This morning I have begun the reading of the book of John in the bible translation–The Passion. At the beginning of each book there is a descriptor for the book’s author. In this for John, I loved what was said. I’m giving an excerpt describing what I mean. “…John described himself as ‘the disciple whom Jesus loved’ (John 21:7, 20). This does not mean that Jesus loved John more than the others but rather John saw himself as one that Jesus loved. You could also say about yourself, ‘I am the disciple whom Jesus loves!’ Every single believer can echo John’s description of himself, for these words must become the true definition of our identity….”

Each time I’ve read in the past the part of John where he states that he is the disciple Jesus loves, I would cringe. With my background I thought John was an egotist boldly writing this so everyone could read it. Yet, somehow, I knew this couldn’t be the case. In reality, he knew what I’ve been learning about being a new creation. We are to replace that self-doubt with self-love believing with confidence that Jesus’ work on the Cross provides us with a love and guidance surpassing anything man could ever create. My past does not describe me, it is my identity with Christ that now describes me–I am a disciple whom Jesus loves!

My entry is brief today. I’m taking my grandson on a 250 mile trek to visit a university in the eastern side of Idaho which has a basketball team and a nursing program–his two interests. It’s early and I look forward to the time for us to be together. God has already said this day is to be about Him and my grandson and I’m to be a listener and responder to God’s nudges. I love how interested God is in every detail of our lives if we will only allow Him entrance and give Him our obedience. That is all for today.

Today is one of those days I’m grateful comes along. I’m not going to any school and instead, I have a meeting with our church outlining more details for the forthcoming ministry of lay counseling. Then, until late afternoon, I will be working in the yard getting all the watering up and running. We desperately need more spring moisture so I’m needing to get the well water in operation.

As I was completing my devotional time with Jesus, my scripture reading was the last two chapters of Luke. Jesus is judged and crucified, however, before the chapters end–HE IS ALIVE! I’ve always known and trusted that Jesus is alive. What I can’t seem to hear often enough is that He is ALIVE for me. Over and over in these past few years and particularly in the past few months Jesus has proven this again and again. How I love Him for this and want so much to help others know this is just as true for them today as it was when He arose over 2000 years ago! Hallelujah!

Last night our step study group of men finished the 6th lesson which now closes the group to any newcomer. The lesson is ACTION. The action to be taken is accepting Jesus as our Savior and Lord. I love how the lesson emphasizes our need to accept Jesus as our “Higher Power”. I hadn’t thought through this correlation of the term higher power being Jesus as Lord until last night. Yes, every man in the group has accepted Jesus as Savior, but the idea of Jesus being our higher power is something we not only do today, but often we need to do it many times during the day. Realizing that our willpower is not the power for which we change is huge. It is Jesus as the HIGHER POWER that makes all the difference. We must use our willpower to turn our pride, ego, embarrassment, and more over to Jesus, our Higher Power, so He can take these “hardships and turn them into a pathway to peace” which the Serenity Prayer tells us He will do.

Last night was an amazing night to witness once again these men recognizing this incredible discovery of our Savior and Lord. If Jesus is going to be our Lord we must recognize this as a daily surrender of our willpower to Him as our Higher Power. My day begins with this surrender.