For several weeks now I’ve been burdened with a heaviness in my soul. I couldn’t identify it except if I paused for a moment I felt it. I would quickly dismiss it as a “presence” fighting the class we’ve started on Sunday mornings: Mending the Soul. I was just enduring it thinking it will go away once we get going. During this time I’ve been tempted over and over to go back to the old habits of the past to salve this evil presence. The voices would say the familiar message like, “you deserve a break so gratify yourself”,
Yesterday I was with my grandson for a few hours as we worked in his yard planting a tree and several shrubs. It was a very rewarding time as we talked through some tough topics he’s facing. Later in the afternoon I was called by two different men in our Celebrate Recovery group who had witnessed God doing abundant work in their lives of late and the one had just happened yesterday when the job he wanted was given back to him now that he is sober. The boss had even called and talked at length with me prior to awarding the job.
This morning God has been showing me the importance of my not enduring a spirit of warfare as I’ve been. He wants them recognized and rejected. Then He wants me to replace them with the self-love, self-appreciation and self-confidence believing that I am worthy of His Love. I don’t need to carry the burden of warfare. I know this weight so well. I grew up with it almost always being present. Yes, it eventually drove me to sinful replacements which God wants me to know once and for it are buried at the Cross if I will quickly follow the 3-R’s and replace them with the 3-S’s. The fruit of this is my peace, but equally great are the magnificent phone calls of yesterday knowing God is working using our story to help others. Wow! God is SO GOOD!
Jesus is always at work and He wants us to be part of it as He nudges us. I am reminded of this so often. Our men’s share group in Celebrate Recovery is encouraged to stay in touch with one another during the week when one is struggling or praising God for a prayer’s answer. This hadn’t been happening. I was nudged to create a phone list which we now carry with us. Since getting that done I’ve been contacted each week by different members. We also talk about doing this more now that we have the list. It’s amazing how one little step is all that is needed for others to take an important little step on their part. It all starts with obeying The Holy Spirit’s nudge.
Today is a day of helping my oldest grandson. It is fun to spend time with him these days ahead of his going into the air force. He always has interesting questions and comments which help me understand the younger generation. I well remember having similar conversations with ones I trusted at that point in my life. A good listener who listens to understand is a lot like the wisdom Solomon wrote about in Proverbs 24:3-7.
God is always at work and so is His Mighty Team: Jesus and The Holy Spirit–THE THREE IN ONE. The meeting yesterday morning seemed to go fine. The gentleman who came talked at length of the family issues. It turns out I know the parents well but I do not know the children personally. I have only met some of them very briefly. We talked for a couple of hours and it was done. As I journaled this morning I was asking Jesus about what was missing from yesterday? He quickly reminded me that we aren’t always planting seeds in fertile soil when we are addressing issues in life. Often we have to expose the issues as weeds which need to be pulled, darkness which needs Light and the sources of weeds and darkness. There was much of this discussed. As I met with my prayer warrior in the afternoon she had already made a copy for me of a prayer declaration–Blessings Upon Your House. This was without even knowing of the morning’s visit. As I read the declaration I knew God was at work. When I got home I took a picture of it and sent to the gentleman. Penetrating Satan’s darkness with God’s LIGHT is always the right place to get started.
Our day ended with our weekly Celebrate Recovery. There is a new sound system in the youth room we use which has made worship tense for the past few weeks trying to figure out how things work. The two trained for it aren’t there when we practice so we set a training for us yesterday ahead of practice. It was amazing. We also had a new drummer yesterday who is young and understood the technology instantly. Our practice was as worshipful as the actual time with the group. All I could do was say–THANK YOU JESUS!
It appears I did not enter a blog yesterday?? I know I had several things on my mind about the day from the time I got up, but I sure didn’t intend to leave this part out. My apologies. I suppose the journey has a day like this–but, hopefully not too often!
Yesterday had several unexpected blessings arise. I had changed my days with the one district since the principal and superintendent were gone Monday and Tuesday. The trip they’d taken also included 4 teacher leaders. They all came back very enthused about what they’d learned. Since both of these admin’s are not returning next year I was very pleased that the teachers are on board sustaining the work we have done the past three years. New leaders can quickly dissolve good work without even knowing it. I’ll work with these teacher leaders now in the interim to write the plan/goals for the coming year which new leaders can work with and hopefully embrace for their ensuing years.
This morning I have a man coming to meet with me. He talked with me last Sunday after service about some divisions in his family with siblings. This man is the age of my own children so he is not talking about his own children, but the siblings he grew up with. I’m not sure I even know this man’s family since he’s fairly new to our church. He heard me talk at the men’s breakfast a couple weeks ago which triggered him to want to “get my input” on whatever the issues are. This is one of the times when total surrender to God’s guidance is needed. After lunch I’m meeting with my prayer warrior. She and I haven’t sat down together for several weeks so I’ll be glad to share all that is taking place with her so she can better understand how to pray. I’m so grateful for her spiritual influence in my life.
I go through these periods of time when I’m uncertain of God’s purpose for the activity of the day. I suppose all of us have these days. Today is just the opposite. It is one where the intent is definite and I pray the outcome will be rich. Last week I met with the superintendent of the district and we set today’s agenda. It is a hard topic and conversation, yet hopefully it will be rich. I realize I’m being vague with details, but I can’t talk specifically about them. I do believe all of us relate to these times when we need to have difficult conversations. It is a time to be sure it is God’s agenda being met and He has been given the lead in it. I do look forward to today and to see how God works in it.
As the sun is coming up I can see just how windy the day is outside. It isn’t a pretty one. It matches some of today’s turmoil in reality. My prayer is that as we face the storm today we can do so well anchored knowing God is leading and not man.
God’s healing is quite amazing. It often comes over time and one doesn’t catch it until, all of a sudden. one realizes the pain doesn’t exist any longer. I write this because as we stepped into the darkness of each one’s past yesterday in the class, each one disclosed a portion of their hurt and its lingering effects on them. As this was taking place I began to realize just how much healing God has done for me, far and above for which I have consciously been awake. The class of men were willing to take the risk of sharing and even responded well to a little nudge to share beyond an initial statement. I know this takes readiness and one’s response to The Holy Spirit’s work within each member of the class. It was confirming that now was the right time to start the class.
Today I head to one of the school districts. I go in faith more than anything because the work is undefined for the day. I am taking much which will occupy time, but specific needs for today are not disclosed at this point. I just know that God has this door still open for a reason where He tells me to trust Him. Details usually come as the day moves forward. It is then I say, “Oh, that is why You have me here.” God is all about FAITH and TRUST. I have to often be reminded of this, but each time I am I find that settled peace God promises.
Yesterday was one of those ideal, pristine days where the weather was perfect, every detail of work was done, and when you sat down in the early evening the sense of goodness surrounded you. When this happens, I can hardly find the words to thank God with the fullness He deserves.
Today the actual journey of stepping into one’s past begins for the men who are taking the class, Mending the Soul. Last week we met and I introduced them to the materials and some ground rules, gave their first assignment, but today is the day we step into the darkness of the past and let the LIGHT of GLORY begin to penetrate. The work of emotional healing is no different than flesh healing. We first have to open the wound, reveal the disease, remove it (all very painful) and then we can begin to experience the healing which follows. I look forward to this journey with these men.
It was 39 years ago today that Kathy and I had our blind date set up by a teacher who taught for me and her husband. When I look back over these years I can honestly say that I would not be where I am today in my close walk with God if it were not for Kathy. She has always had the solid faith that God and I could handle facing the childhood I had. Now that I know such freedom from it, I give great thanks to God and her.
I believe I’ve said in earlier posts that I am reading through the devotional writings of Charles Spurgeon. Since the latter part of March each day’s entry has focused the reader on the astounding work of Jesus Christ building up to His crucifixion and onto His resurrection. In the last couple of days the writings have been helpful for me in ways I’ve not known until now. He writes about Christ’s cleansing blood flowing through us cleansing us of all unrighteousness and continually doing this as we come to Him each day. This is truly not new news but the mental picture of this happening for me is quite new. Up until more recent years I just couldn’t picture how Jesus washed away sins done to you. I knew in my head that they weren’t mine to wash away, but they were still present nonetheless and I felt helpless to address them so I kept all of this in “denial”. The amazing cleansing of Christ Jesus’ blood for me in this was washing away the toxic shame of sins done and replacing them with memories of Him with me knowing the sins were man’s choice and certainly not His.
It is a beautiful work Christ does as we stay with Him and open ourselves to take the steps He wants us to take. This is what Kathy has done for me, helping me to take the risk of trusting and daily stepping into LIGHT I didn’t know existed. Praise GOD!
As only God does, yesterday’s book study was amazing. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. As we broke into breakout rooms in groups of three I was astounded to hear that almost all of us had trauma in our childhoods and it was teachers who brought each one to the point of finding purpose and value. Thus, each one chose the path of education to give back. It makes me admire each one so much more and stand amazed at what God is always doing–taking our messes and turning them into messages!
Last night’s Celebrate Recovery was inspiring. A young man who had come once a couple years ago was back. This time he was back alone. His father had brought him the first time. We talked during the dinner hour and he told me about his reason for coming. God is never not working and His patience with us is stunning. He just doesn’t give up–Praise God!
Today’s journey takes me to a district this morning and then back home where I join two others leading a group of us consultants in a book study we will start this afternoon. The book’s title is SOUL by Timothy Kanold. It is written for educators but the content of the book has a definite spiritual depth and purpose. The book begins with the author telling his childhood experience of neglect (one of the five areas of abuse defined in Mending the Soul). He uses this background to create the foundation for writing this book. It was a few teachers and an aunt who turned his life of neglect into an opportunity to live life with purpose. It just so happened that the director of my consulting work asked the three of us a month ago to lead our group in this book study with part 1 being today. As I began to read this I was troubled at first thinking I didn’t want to reveal to this group of educators, my past. Yet, the more I addressed it the more I realized there was no more shame in bringing it to light. It didn’t own me any longer. Instead, my past is often used by God in the daily work being done. Our past can bring a sensitivity in us to better connect with the world of people we are involved through our relationships and through our work.
It is truly a working miracle how God transforms our mess into His message. I rejoice with others when I can see this in their lives. I sit in humble awe when I realize how He has done this for me. To God be all Glory–great things He has done!
Earnie Lewis 