Yesterday I received word from our senior pastor to move forward with the plan to have a guest speaker this next fall. I heard this man speak last winter and he is dynamic. He will be an excellent start for our recovery ministries as we kick them off. The odd thing to me was this morning. All of a sudden as I was journaling I became overwhelmed with the sense that, “We can’t do this!” What am I thinking? I have this happen often when I am developing a plan for future work. At that point I only see the good things which can result from it taking place. Once it becomes a reality I move into the mindset/fear that I’m incapable of this and I’d best shut the plan down now.

As I was taking all of this to God He pointed out that I am not to act on my flesh or Satan’s voice to my flesh. The message I have for myself is correct–I can’t do this. However, God’s message to me is that–He can and He will! I am to do my part while He makes all this happen. I love this assurance. God is so timely!

As I was rereading just now the entry from yesterday I realized something that hadn’t hit me at the time of writing. I was leaving to go work with a school district that is struggling. This work I know and can function in well. In going to it I was leaving some major issues here at home I knew nothing about fixing. However, my brother is an expert at all of this. He had given me the assurance he’d take take of them and I should go and take care of what I was doing. God has richly blessed me with “help”. I am so grateful for this and I realize He does this for each of us. There is always someone we can call who will step in and help us do what we are incapable of doing.

As I arrived to Celebrate Recovery last night and had finished the practice for worship with our little band, a gentleman was wanting to talk. We went into a private room and he told me how much he was struggling. He was depressed and could only see himself as the “loser” his wife and Satan were telling him he is. Today he is calling a christian counselor to see and Sunday he is starting the step study which is still open for men. He walked away last night with a Celebrate Recovery Bible in hand as well as book 1 of the step study. God is always waiting for us to reach the end of our rope so He can finally do what He wants to do from the start–give us the tools and the strength to become what He created us to be all along. I know this road well. I can’t lose sight of the fact that it is God in us one day at a time that keeps us on track. I am a sinner saved by Grace. Satan along with my flesh want me back. But, God promises us a Promise Land with Him and it can start here on earth if we choose His Ways. I’m staying with HIM!

It was 12:22 am when I heard my wife telling me there was no water in the house. It took a moment for me to realize who I am, where I was and who was telling me a message I was still trying to register for meaning. When all cylinders kicked in I knew there was little I could do with my background. I got up and went out to the well. I could tell it wasn’t running so I went to the electrical panel in the garage and switched the switch marked “well” in case it wasn’t making connection. It did appear fine however. I walked back into the house to have Kathy telling me the water was now on????? This morning as I had finished my devotions and headed to refill my coffee pot I could see a watering zone in our yard running. This wouldn’t have been last night’s problem, but it was another problem I didn’t know how to fix. My plumbing brother said he’d be over today and for me to simply shut the valve off which feeds the yard sprinklers. That much I could do. It is amazing how much in life I am helpless to address on my own.

Today I’m going to a school district to give assistance with their concerns. However, I learning that God and I are the ones going. I’m completing what He wants me to do. I’m going to be listening carefully to offer only what He leads. It seems like an entirely new approach to my consulting but it is one I want to stay with from this point forward. I want God in complete control.

The spiritual man–I ponder daily what this can truly look like. What I know more now than ever is that it always looks like a struggle. Man is a spiritual being immersed in a carnal world. The reason we are immersed in a carnal world is that we ourselves are carnal. At this point about all I can say that is good about carnality is that it is temporary. We die to it and get to live for eternity as the spiritual man God created us to be in the first place.

I wanted to read this book to help me be a better spiritual man, a better listener to God, a better man responding to God, etc. I didn’t expect to find myself seeing the carnality around me so much more clearly too. I just wanted to not enter into the flesh side of life for me. (See how carnal I still am!) However, God’s purposes I’m finding, when we do realize our carnality, is His wanting us to bring Him into the day by the very presence of His Spirit shining through us. We aren’t in charge of that. We are the carriers of His Light through our surrendered self. More than likely we won’t know how anyone is effected by our surrender, but God does and it is God who uses this to further His work with man.

Yesterday I saw God work in an enlightening way–at least for myself. The struggle I faced yesterday was given much clarity and as the day went on, I found myself finding clarity in several situations which needed it. If this would have happened not so long ago I would take this clarity and run with it today thinking I am now to do what I thought I should. However, God is teaching me that a carrier of His Light is always a carrier of HIS Light, not taking it back into my court as though that’s the right thing to do. Each day is a new day of surrender of self to The Holy Spirit Who is the God of the Universe. So here starts another day of surrender!

God takes chaos and gives it order. Yesterday I said I no longer want to try and take control of what is out of control. Boy, was that ever put to a test. I won’t go into the details of it but the test is on. This morning God indicated I need to look for His Light. Chaos has no light penetrating it. One cannot see beyond it. God’s Light only shows where God is. This I will look for throughout the day.

Tonight the group which was started last February to support those in families, or friendships with a person active in the LGBTQ, will meet for its monthly time. After the 5 weeks last winter ended, the group has maintained meeting the first Tuesday of the month. Tonight I will be attending it. I’ve wanted to be a part of it since we started last February but I was immersed in Mending the Soul which was certainly where God wanted me. I will be sharing some of my personal story relating to the topic with the group tonight. I will also be listening to them. God loves all of His children and He wants us to find His Ways as we are in relationship with all of His children. We can support and God wants us doing so as we learn what this looks like. Chaos which our society has is not of God, but God uses all things to His Honor and Glory as we turn to Him. I want to be listening for His Voice today and tonight as well as to see His Light and identify it as such.

This journey of life is teaching me things I didn’t want to see about myself but truly needed to. The truth is that my sin is still sin just as my dad’s sins were his and my brother’s sins were his. They are not ranked by God. He sees them as our selfish choices, carnal ones. In this book I keep referencing I am being exposed to my own sin–my carnal choices. Yes, I would come to the Cross of Christ, but when I did I would bring my sin; rank ordered. I believe when I was younger I probably needed to do this so I’d keep some level of strength in order to live life. However, I’m not that abused child anymore. God has redeemed me through His Son’s work on the Cross. This morning I brought to Him myself. This time without any rank order, just me. Dad has his rightful place in my life. He is dad and yes, he abused, but he is still dad. Rich is my brother. He abused but he is still my brother Rich. I am the son of Harold and the brother of Rich. I see myself better today. I see myself as a sinner who Christ has redeemed from my own sins just as He did for Rich and Dad. This is humbling and amazing!

I cannot see Earnie the spiritual man until I’ve seen Earnie the carnal one. Now that I’m seeing him, I surrender him to Christ Jesus. I want no longer to take control of things I see as out of control. I want to be doing what Christ’s Holy Spirit leads me to do one day at a time. This is so much clearer today. To God be all Glory!

Today is the birthday for my dear Aunt Billie. I wrote about her last February when Kathy and I were in California and I gave my testimony at her church where her daughter leads the recovery program. Aunt Billie has been and still is one of God’s angels here on earth. How blessed we are to have her!

Yesterday’s books signing was only as God would have it. Literally no one came for the first 1.5 hours. I spent the time talking with the store-owner partner whom I didn’t know. She turned out to be one of God’s intended reasons for being there. She was most interested in the recovery work as ones in her family could use the support. When a couple came in towards the end to get a book Kathy and I found ourselves talking with them well beyond the 2nd hour. I’d had a message sent to me via messenger asking how they could get a book also. As we were preparing to leave a niece and husband came by to get a book which was a surprise to me but nonetheless a treat. Being obedient to God always brings us back to God’s Ways. Why I question them as I do just shows my humanness. I’m sure glad it is temporary.

I keep wanting to find someone who is reading The Spiritual Man but to no avail. It seems God wants me processing this with Him and His Holy Spirit. To be awake to our spiritual self means we are also very awake to our human self. The two are very different. Our human self listens to our fleshly desires while our spirit seeks God’s Spirit. I find myself more and more awake to just how selfish I am and always have been. Yet, my awakening to the spirit within not only shows this but it also becomes much clearer the choice we have, I have. I truly want to grow in choosing God’s Holy Spirit’s lead in all of my life.

Today is book signing day. I’m glad it is finally here, but the reason I’m glad is so that it can be over. I asked God this morning why I am feeling this way? Is it just my emotions? Why did I sign up for this in the first place? I was taken back by what I heard Him say. He asked me why I was resurrecting my old past and the feelings I was literally taught from it? If I never did anything which brought “limelight” to me, I would not have the wrath of dad facing me. This book signing feels just exactly like I’m doing this–putting the limelight on me. However, God is wanting me to step out of this past’s bondage and let the limelight be on Him. He said the bondage of my past is fading so I don’t need in moments like this to let any temptation of past cause me to stop what is right. So, today I am doing just this. Let God be glorified!

Yesterday I got the entire garden planted. The pots on the front porch are not planted and the lawn is mowed. This early morning is calm and the beauty of spring is resonating all around. I love these moments.

Do you ever have the times when you have the time and want to do something but your time doesn’t fit anyone else? I seem to have this happening in several areas. I was taking this to God this morning and He told me to “be still”. I so often forget that God’s timing is everything–not my timing.

Last night at Celebrate Recovery we had a male newcomer. I’d been called by a local counselor saying he’d likely be coming. The young man had given the counselor permission to call me. This young man is a very gifted individual but struggles with tremendous timidity. I was able to conduct the 101 class with him where I learned much more. He not only wants to come each week but he is also joining the new men’s step study which meets on Sunday’s. He really wants to tackle those struggles which bind him. God is working!

Yesterday and today are yard days. I do love these moments. I’m planting everything in the garden which can’t be planted until after the last freeze. We had a couple of those days earlier in the week but it’s clear sailing from this point forward. I may be fooling myself, but I do think this is so!

Tomorrow is the book signing. Why I am so nervous about it is something I can’t put my finger on. I’m trusting this is what God is wanting. I will soon know. Until then, I’ll simply work in the garden and make my joy complete!

Sorry about missing yesterday. I had to be in Boise for a doctor’s appointment by 8:00 am which meant leaving the house early. Anymore, the traffic is so heavy that time of day one has to leave much earlier than before. On my return I stopped to get the last of the plants I needed to put in my deck pots which I am going to start today. All of this to say, May Day was skipped so I could buy flowers! I suppose that’s a poor excuse but a true one for me.

Since returning from Oklahoma a week and a half ago I haven’t read in my book The Spiritual Man. Last night I began to read the next chapter which is entitled: Spirit. From the moment I began to read its start I knew this chapter was going to be the start of clarity. Thus far, Watchman (author) has been prepping the reader to understand the effects of sin on God’s original creation. Satan’s deception has been profound in this area. Watchman identifies our spirit as an organ within us. It is a spiritual organ so it doesn’t have flesh as we know our others to have. I didn’t read very far because I wanted to be in my best learning mode, not my tired self which reads in the evening for simple pleasure. Watchman says the regeneration when we ask Christ into our lives–“gives man a new spirit as well as quickens his old one. ” A new spirit I will put within you”–“That which is born of the Spirit is spirit.” (Ezekiel 36:26; John 3:6) I really do want to better understand this mystery of man.

In two days I’m doing a book signing at a local shop in Nampa. This morning I was telling God I wish I’d never stepped into this. Likely no one will come or at best, one or two. I instantly heard Him say, “If one or two come, it will be because this one or two will be the ones whom I sent. They will need to read how I’ve worked in you and how I will do the same for them.” I was quickly reminded to keep this about God and not about me. God is so good at this!