Yesterday I wrote about finding the difference between living in the “absence of” bondage verses “living in” the presence of freedom. As I finished my devotions and bible reading I started my journaling by going back to yesterday’s writing. I knew that what I’d written yesterday had a profound meaning I would lose quickly if I didn’t reinforce the message for several days. There are so many parallels about living today which directly connect to the biblical days we read. I know this is why God wants us to store His Word in our hearts. These lessons are critical. Take, for example, the Israelites left Egypt and the slavery they’d lived in for 400 years. Even though they were free from the slavery, and had the chance to move into the Promised Land only months later, fear kept them circling in the desert for 40 years until that generation of “fear responders” were dead.

I have lived in that desert of fear most of my adult years. God is wanting to move me into my years of freedom–not just having the absence of bondage and the reality of my past, but He wants me to know what living in the freedom of trust and belief are. Today, this morning I could begin to sense this, see this. I don’t fear this new reality like I use to. I remember telling God years ago that I’d follow Him but I wasn’t sure I could trust Him. This happened after I’d lived through my divorce. At that point in time the abuse of my childhood was an unknown secret to everyone except God and me and now I was divorced too. I WAS A LOSER. In all of these years since, God has been most patient replacing my fear with absolute TRUST and to replace Loser with Believer. With this more grounded, God is taking me into what living in freedom is all about. Now I step into these days with anticipation rather than fear.

The pool is clean and being filled. The weather is to warm into the high 80’s and low 90’s by the end of next week which will allow the water temp to climb. My younger two grandsons were out yesterday and were actually eager to help get the pool ready. Hayden and I had talked of taking the time we had to take the pool down so we’d never have to ready it again. However, the enthusiasm of the younger ones quickly destroyed our thinking!

This morning I finished Deuteronomy. Moses gave his last instructions to the Israelites which God had given to him. God then took him away to the mountain top where He showed Moses all the land which He’d prepared for possession by the people. He’d given insight to Moses about the future and how Israel needed to keep God in first place not replacing Him with the gods of the land they were to conquer. We all know what eventually happens however.

As I began to journal I was reflecting on the freedom God was about to give all the people of Israel. When I had written my book, the last part was “Finding Freedom”. In writing it God had begun to help me see what living without the bondage of my past was like. In the 3 years since finishing it I’ve also found a good deal more of this awakening. However, this morning I was realizing that my definition of freedom had all to do with living without the bondage of the past just as Israel wanted to live without the bondage of Egypt’s enslavement. God was helping me see that recognizing the absence of bondage is only the start of freedom. Freedom is far more than “absence of”. It is much more about “the presence of”.

Today is the first day of living in the presence of the King for me. I want to change my thinking so I live today in the presence of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit within me as well as around me. Even though this has been true, I’ve not given credible attention to all that this means about Freedom. I want to stay in this state of mind as I move forward today.

Today is swimming pool readiness day. I’m on my way in a few minutes to get my 15 year old grandson so he and I can get it cleaned and ready for summer’s use. If it weren’t for grandkids, this thing would be long gone! However, each day when they are in it kicking, screaming, laughing, and more, I’m glad we still have it. Besides, it brings them together too which is also an added blessing. More than anything, today allows my grandson and I to have a day for just us to be together.

Teen years are truly the ones of discovery. I appreciate the chance to just be present and let our relationship allow conversations to take place that wouldn’t otherwise. I always pray for God’s Spirit to lead the day. In fact, when I was journaling earlier and thanking God for this chance, He reminded me to stay in the day. I have such a constant habit of moving to the things of tomorrow while I’m in any day. However, God reminded me that today is important and I need to stay in this one enjoying and taking advantage of each minute we have together. As I reflect on my own teen years and where I was at the age of “almost 16” I cringe. Yes, I recall the abuse, but mostly I recall the lies I believed about myself without anyone to talk these through. During these years we develop beliefs which can be solid truth or solid lies. I want God to use my past as a tool in His Hands for times like this. One doesn’t need to believe the lies of Satan as I did for so long.

For a long time God has been wanting me to realize I am a new creation. What I have not been able to grasp until this spring is the reality that being a new creation is a Gift. There is absolutely nothing one does to earn it. It is given to us when we ask Christ Jesus into our hearts. Even though I’d done this part almost 58 years ago I just haven’t ever been able to see myself as a new creation. I’ve had all these distorted views of me which Celebrate Recovery calls character defects. I know I still have character defects, but those which kept me in bondage about my belief of who I am to God are gone. The class Mending the Soul which we finished the end of March helped me finally find the last roots of bondage from these defects.

Last night in taking a 60 day chip for living as a new creation, I told the group that this sounds vague–living as a new creation. However, it is crystal clear to me the difference between living as one or living in the bondage of the old self. I am so grateful for God’s faithfulness to me and to mankind all over the world. His promises are true. I truly want to continue on the path of helping others find what they don’t yet believe. God is the only One True God. I want to be a warrior for Him carrying this message to the lost and confused.

The gentleman I mentioned a couple posts ago who will come this fall as we kick off the new year for our restorative ministries and Celebrate Recovery, has written a book: Holy Sexuality and the Gospel. His name is Christopher Yuan. In it he reminds the reader that none of us are called to be sexual whether heterosexual or homosexual, we are instead called to be Holy. Those of us who have dealt with sexual sin are constantly tormented by Satan about our sexuality and its desires. However, God is reminding us He never created us to be haunted by sexuality. He wants us to focus on holiness which is what He DID create us so long ago to be.

A couple months ago I took a day one chip at Celebrate Recovery as I was ready to start living as a new creation. For my entire life I’ve lived to not be like dad or my brother never thinking I could ever measure up to live as a new creation. I had too much sin within me. God is changing all of that. I now believe I am a new creation just as Christ gave me the gift when I asked Him into my heart so many years ago. Tonight I will be taking a 60 day chip for living as a new creation. What I’ve realized is that living as a new creation doesn’t remove a sin nature we all have. It is the belief that even though we do have it, it is not who we are. We are a child of the King–a new creation because of the King–Christ Jesus. It has taken a lifetime to get to this place. I still have my moments where Satan wants me back in disbelief but glory be to God, I’m not living there anymore.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to spend a day with two lively grandkids in order to get a list of chores done which will take commitment and focus? Well, yesterday it happened and we were all done by mid-afternoon. Not, only was the work done, but we had a great time while doing it. I love how God orchestrates detail. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get several things on yesterday’s list done. The work of present and the ministry work of present wasn’t allowing the time I wanted for them to get done. But, in one day with their help–I’m caught up!

Last night we had the monthly meeting with the support group for family/friends with LGBTQ members. We had an assignment to do ahead of the session which everyone had done. However, as we got started I was asked for an update about our speaker in fall. After letting everyone know we are set with dates and workshops we never got to the assignment. The conversation lit upon needs brought into the room and the next thing we knew the 1.5 hr session was done. We all walked away lighter than when we entered.

Today I go to a district where the situation is sticky. Relationships are fine, but the work being done isn’t seemingly profiting students and their learning. So, we are going to take a focused look at this issue and see just why there isn’t any profit coming from the past year and actually, 2 years. I know God will lead and I’m a little curious to see how all of this will come together. I place my trust in Him!

Little by little the weight of several details are being whittled away. The year with the school district is coming to an end. I can even see the end of the work I have to do. This feels good, especially since they have done well this year. The other district I spend time in didn’t turn out so well. Tomorrow I meet with the superintendent so we can face some giants and create a plan to address them. Once again I will need to remember my role as a helper and not a controller.

Today, on the other hand, I am picking up two of my grandkids who are coming to earn money for summer camp. They will hang out with me and I have a full list of things we are going to get done. Most of it will not be too strenuous, but it will just be fun to have them with me. Kathy and I will help support their camp whether the help comes or not, but their mom insists they earn their keep and I do want to support that philosophy!

It is sad that we don’t learn very well from the lessons of someone else. We quite often have to have our own lesson in order to learn the consequences of life. I wish that weren’t true. However, all through the Bible I continue to read about God’s directions and man’s disobedience and choices to stray from these directions. God doesn’t choose to control us and I must remember He never asked me to control anyone either. I can’t stand in the way of consequences. If I do, I only am delaying the lesson to be learned which then God uses to focus someone back to Him.

I stand amazed, sometimes I kneel amazed. Today, this morning, I came to God heavy, but God removed the heavy so I could see Him once again as Amazing. I awoke in the middle of the night weighted with circumstances I dearly want to see differently for a couple of special people in my life. The weight of choices were killing my own spirit and I knew it would do the same for them if they didn’t head a different direction than they were. This morning as I brought this heaviness to God and asked what I was to do, He indicated to me that this heaviness wasn’t for me to carry even though I love the ones. If I carry it, they can’t know the consequences as He wants them to know. He wants me to help and helping in this case isn’t telling and doing for them. It is asking and only responding if I am asked to help. As I surrender this I realize the same God who orchestrates the entire universe easily orchestrates our circumstances, but, only if we let Him do so. If I step in and it isn’t helping, it actually interferes with what God would orchestrate. This I certainly don’t want to do.

It seemed when I was growing up I saw a lot of poor choices being made. I decided early in life I didn’t want to do this and suffer the consequences I saw them experience. Some of these poor choices also were the abusive actions which I lived through. All of this seemed to drive me to want to take control of everyone’s poor choices so they didn’t live this way. I can see now how a good idea o in man’s hands only is wrong. God can’t work with an individual if another individual keeps standing in the way. I’ve got to keep myself in the arena of “helping” not controlling. God isn’t done with me and I know He isn’t done with those I love either. Today I surrendered again–my will.

Have I ever mentioned in my posts how amazing God is? Well let me tell you another one. I had written yesterday regarding the forms I could not seem to get submitted correctly and how God had wanted me to “let it go until Tuesday” for then I’d have time to figure out what is wrong. Well, as only God would do, I finished the blog and opened my emails. Here the secretary had resubmitted the forms to me only minutes before in a different format which I was able to complete in about 30 minutes before I headed out to all the activities lined up for the day. They are done! I don’t know if this secretary always works on Saturdays, but yesterday she was there. Because they are 2 hours ahead of here she had already been working on this as I stressed with God. I just find this remarkable! The rest of the day was no different either. I got the gardening done I didn’t think would have time to do and I even got my haircut which needed it badly!

Today we are singing a song in two concerts our quartet is doing in the afternoon and evening. The song is “I’ll Worship Only at the Feet of Jesus”. It was given to me by my prayer warrior to have our quartet learn and sing. Today she is coming as we do it. Yesterday as we practiced I could hardly sing it seeing her in my mind sitting out in the audience. The song emphasizes just how many false gods we have before us and how futile each of them turn out to be. Of late God has been helping me see how many I’ve had all my life and now He is ready to have me submit them to Him so He can be the One and only True God. There and only there can I find the peace, grace, mercy which God promises us not once in a while, but for each and every day if we keep His Son Jesus on the throne of our lives and His Holy Spirit as the one Voice we listen and respond to. What a gracious God we have!

I am not sure who dominated in getting me up this morning–God or Kathy. Both were speaking to me–God in my head, Kathy talking in her sleep. Kathy was louder so I got up so I could hear the other voice!

As summer is little by little approaching, I am finding myself not yet having the freedom of time I usually have. Today is no exception. Our quartet is practicing, I need to get to my one daughter’s home to help, my own garden is screaming at me and tonight we are going out with a couple from Celebrate Recovery. All of this should be in the arena of “fun”. The overriding item is the work with our Recovery Ministry work. (The name of it is being changed to Restoration Ministry so I need to quit using recovery ministry as its name). I’m having a keynote speaker coming in September for a weekend where he will do workshops on Saturday and speak to the congregation on Sunday am. All is set in the way of dates, etc. However, the forms I need to complete will not go through legibly. They are sent in one format which I can retrieve but when I complete them my computer is converting them somehow to another format which is gibberish to the other end. I’ve attempted this twice and the lady at the other end keeps emailing saying I need to try again. These things drive me nuts and I can’t do anything about it until Tuesday as I’m working Monday. So I write this and realize I’m losing a day to torment because I don’t let it go. So, now realizing it, I’m letting it go until Tuesday and I’ll get it worked out then!

It’s always a good thing to awaken to the details of life that Satan is trying to disrupt. I’ve just had that happen in this writing. So instead of giving in to Satan I’ll give Glory to God for great things He has done and is still doing!