The burdens of yesterday are very present still today. In fact, they and the weight of them had me awake much of the night. The couple with a son in jail talked at length with me last night. We prayed together. The other burdens are just as real today too. As I came to Jesus with all of these this morning a couple things began to become clear. First and foremost, I’ve just begun to read Job. Jesus reminded me that just as Satan tormented Job in every way possible, he will do the same to us. Job didn’t have Jesus at his time, but I do today just as we all do if we ask Him into our lives. So Jesus reminded me to turn Satan over to Him. Satan trembles in Jesus Presence and has to flee!

Secondly, Jesus pointed out that the ministry work of our restoration ministry is approaching. With this ministry we trample on Satan’s turf. He has more bondage here with God’s creation than in almost any other arena. So, should I expect to be under attack? Absolutely. He is choosing to attack my friends and my family at this present time. In times past I would pray relentlessly for these problems and try to steel myself to the weight of them. Today, however, I gave them to Jesus. I feel much lighter at this moment. However, I also know I am very human and I’ll likely need to give them again many times today as well as many more times in the next days ahead. What I do know is that Jesus is The Almighty Son of God. He is no longer in human flesh–He just knows it first-hand so He is the very ONE who represents our requests to God and stands in our gap when Satan tries to do his ugly work.

God’s Grace is Amazing. Today I pray for God’s Grace, no matter what it needs to be, to intervene in the cases I know as well as so many more I don’t. I want to be Christ’s servant obeying His Spirit’s voice within me. To God be ALL GLORY for Great Things He Has Done, Is Doing and Will Do.

Today I wrestle with the fact that I’m back into the work schedule which I’ll have for the next 11 months. In addition to this, I have a load of prayer requests for which I want to see something done. Last night I got a call from dear friends that their son is again in jail. They have been battling this dilemma for a few years with him. Now it starts yet again. The other requests are quite different, but the thing they have in common is the need for God’s intervention and man to turn to Him. Just writing this reminds me of what I was journaling only minutes ago–these are for God’s work, not mine. I am to carry the needs to the throne of God’s Grace and let them go. When people are close to your heart, it is difficult for me to do that–let them go. I want to take today’s time and spend it seeing if I can assist in anyway with any of them. Yet, my personal path takes me another direction. Another opportunity for me to let this go and let God be God.

The recent struggle I’ve had with Jesus and my trust and belief of His love for me is now gone. I know He loves me just as I know my mom loved me. In mom’s case, her love was given in ways I couldn’t grasp when I was a boy in torment. However, this is not the case with Jesus. He is showing me that He is not crippled in showing love as my mother was. He is showing me how to recognize the multitude of ways His Love is being shown and was being shown even during the years of abuse. I pray today that those I love who are hurting can feel the Love of Christ and recognize it in these tormenting times upon them.

Yesterday turned into a wonderful day with a funeral service which was a celebration of a life well lived for God. Secondly, we were babysitting our two youngest granddaughters which was mostly Kathy with some assistance from me. Lastly, I did nothing to address the situation I wrote about yesterday. There was no nudge and there was no door opening.

During the night I awoke to find there wasn’t going to be sleep for a while. I tried praising God but that wasn’t bringing sleep. As I began to ask Jesus to help me with the struggle I explained yesterday He brought to mind the struggle I had with mom last February and March while I was still doing the class–Mending the Soul. It was the portion call “neglect” as a category of abuse. The class helped me see mom in an entirely different light. I always wanted to lift mom to a higher level than human. She was our family’s hero so she was like–superhuman. However, in real life, mom was human and I needed to let her be just that. The neglect I experienced was mom’s fear, confusion, helplessness in situations she felt powerless to do anything about except pray. That I know she did. My walking with God today has much to do with mom’s prayers so long ago.

This morning as I was journaling to Jesus about all of this He helped me to see Him for what He was and now is. First, Jesus was born into humanness with all the weaknesses of flesh. However, Jesus chose to not enter into the sins of flesh. Jesus’ life demonstrated for man that His belief in God His Father was demonstrated by His trusting and obeying. Today, He wants me to demonstrate my belief in Him by trusting and obeying Him. In this He proves His love for us by showing that my choice to do so will bring about His Will. My piece is to do my part as He nudges me. I am not to step ahead of a nudge for that is not obedience. These are big lessons for me, but I want to be a good student of Jesus trusting Him while I obey Him.

Yesterday I took half of the steps needing to be done demonstrating my belief. I actually knew today would likely be the day when I could take the steps needing to be done in the other situation. As I was starting to journal this morning I found myself almost addressing the start to Father God rather than to Jesus. I knew immediately why I was doing this too. It was no longer about breaking a habit. It was actually about who I felt was more capable of addressing the people in this second situation. Right then I knew I needed to stop addressing the situation and start addressing my belief in Who Jesus is. My actions were showing me that the Jesus I have on the throne of my life is still a human rather than the Son of God. So, so many times I came to Jesus about my own past pleading with Him to do something about the people involved in it. Yet, in my mind, He did nothing leaving me to believe two things: He wasn’t that powerful and that I wasn’t that important to Him.

I have come a long way in my recovery, but today I needed to face this lingering reality that I definitely know is a lie. So, I did. I know and BELIEVE Jesus is the Son of Almighty God and that He has all the POWER of the Almighty. The one thing He uses this power to do is to not dictate the “choices of man”. He uses the choices and their consequences to lead man to Him. The step I’m taking today is to Believe in Jesus and in the plan He has made. I choose to TRUST HIM.

The day ended yesterday with man’s messages not being easy to hear. The things I started yesterday’s blog about were not being addressed by man with responses easy for me. I found myself wanting to “sit on the info” because it would be hard to follow up now that I needed to. This morning I found myself journaling to Jesus about this. His response to me was eye-opening. He seemed to ask me if I were now going to be a “snag in His Work” by not communicating my part? The key word in the scripture Acts 16:31 which says: “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved–you and your household”, is BELIEVE. My action now is to believe. Am I to obey only what I like or am I to obey? Well, I will choose to obey. Jesus confirmed that I am to leave for Him what is His to do. He wants me to do my part so His part is not delayed by me.

One of the biggest lessons in Celebrate Recovery is coming up next week. The lesson is entitled “YES”. It is actually the last lesson of the series. My part (our part) in working with God is to learn to respond to Christ’s leading in our lives with a YES. Believing Jesus is always in control is what my part is to look like. I don’t see what Jesus sees. If I let only what I see rule my actions I will then be disobedient. I’ve lived long enough doing this. Today I want to follow through only doing what Christ has asked me to do.

Sleep comes easy when one’s mind is at rest. However, when it isn’t, sleep is fitful and rest does not come. That was me during last night. I had gone to bed early due to today’s early start. However, there are things needing attention and we are in a dilemma as to what that attention should be. The steps being taken are only steps being taken if they are not ones taken where Jesus’ Light is shining. My faith/trust wasn’t strong last night. Today I give this to Jesus once again trusting that the steps we are taking will lead to Him and His Ways. I wish I could give the specifics in this but I know I should not.

I was driving to the district yesterday morning wishing there were a way to tie the training of the first day to the belief system of each teacher. So many elementary teachers see math as a threat and only teach it because they have to. Their belief influences their students’ belief even when they try to hide their own insecurities. Well, the elementary principal started the morning with this very conversation. I wanted to jump up and hug him! By the end of yesterday all of the teachers in attendance were hugging the presenter for helping them so much. It was such a great scene to experience. Today and tomorrow will be working with secondary teachers. I have the same trust that God’s Leadership will fill the gaps He intended when this help was arranged so many months ago.

To God be all the Glory for great things He Does!

Yesterday was a powerful day in many realms. The training which began for the school district was powerful and so insightful. The person delivering the work was excellent. She had the teachers continuously practicing instructional techniques which they will use as their instruction begins next week with their classroom kids. I was taking all of this in thinking how much fun it would be to have my own classroom of 46 years ago teaching them in ways I only know to do now. I’m so glad to see how God is completing what He was orchestrating through last year’s guidance.

Last night a friend came for dinner and primarily to discuss a project she wants to pursue. She is a bulldozer in nature and often turns people off by the power she uses to get done what she wants. She had asked for my assistance with the project and I’d agreed to offer what I could. I love what she’d like to do and can instantly see its benefit for our community. What was unexpected for me was how the conversation turned from the project to her personal story. She would insert pieces of abuse from childhood into the night. She knew I had a story but hadn’t heard it. I told her much about how God has given me freedom I’d never known before and how He’d orchestrated so many things for me allowing this healing to come. All of a sudden we were talking about her taking part in the classes to start this fall. If this were to happen a good many things would need to adjust for her. I don’t know how this will come together but I do know the God we serve is the Master of details. This morning I simply gave it all to Him. How I love this God we serve, His Son Jesus and The Spirit within.

I was ending my devotions today thanking Jesus for taking time to meet with me each morning. Instantly I felt Him saying that eternity has no time and His being Omnipresent made Him always with me. He said I was the one taking time. I wanted to bless Him and He turned it into one for me. What a God we serve!

Today begins 22 days of specific professional development for the school district I’m working with. It is quite costly and in someways, a big risk. The grant which places me with them pays for this commitment. The days are spread out over the school year but these next 4 days lay the ground work for all the staff. I’ve worked with this professional development group in times past with my own school/district. I was asking Jesus this morning how I am to know He is behind all of this work? I sure don’t want to be leading this team down a hole which leads to no where. As I journaled the question I was reminded of all the details over the past several months which have nicely fit together making all of these days of training come together. He reminded me also that only in my head do I sometimes think the secular work I do does not include His Spiritual leadership. How I love this God we serve!

Also, yesterday I met with our church leader who is putting the details of our weekend conference together for the kickoff of our Restoration Ministry. These details are also coming together with much amazement. I get lost sometimes wondering if my emotional energy is simply my emotions getting confused with God’s spiritual insights/leading. Once again I have to go back to what my mom told me so many years ago. If God is in it, the leading He provides will only strengthen. Our emotions will die away quickly but God’s leading never dies when He is in it. I’m hanging tightly onto this as this year begins for the secular work I do as well as with the ministry work. To God be all Glory!

Yesterday and today, there are so many things I could write about which state just how much I can see the handiwork of God presently. Yesterday’s sermon by our senior pastor was all about God’s disciplining his children so we would learn to listen and obey Him for completing His purposes and ways. In the sermon we were reminded not to fear our enemy, knowing when we are in God’s plan, our enemy is blocked by God’s Light and Might.

Today as I was journaling and addressing what God has in store for today building up to our weekend with Christopher Yuan, I was reminded by Jesus of His Work in me. Before I entered into the ministry of Celebrate Recovery I would hear Jesus knocking on the door of my life and I would let Him in. In so doing I would tell Him all the things I wanted Him to do, with the top of the list being to remove the darkness (stain) of the sins done to me and the sins I had committed. In do this removal of sin (sexual abuse, thoughts of gay sex, porn, identity and more), bury them so no one would ever have to know they existed so I could then be free! Little did I know I was being disciplined to finally become willing to let my story not be obliterated from memory, but to be told for the sake of others’ healing. I have learned to not fear this, but to thank God for the chance to tell. The freedom I was after would not have been freedom at all. It would only have been another prison with secrets all the same.

God is preparing us for a Mighty Work of His Love and Grace. I want to be a servant ready to do His bidding. I look forward to taking part as He would orchestrate and being willing to let all my expectations being His expectations only. How I love knowing He is my Father!

Today I can’t help but focus for a minute on this journey. It was four years ago that God had me write my autobiography which was released for distribution in August, 2015. When I was told I’d be the main person promoting this work I panicked! I certainly didn’t write this book to promote it, yet now, 4 years later, I can see what God was meaning. I am no longer afraid to promote this fact that I’ve published my story. It isn’t just mine. It is a story of God’s Work in my life throughout all of it, starting when I didn’t even know He cared for me and lasting throughout my lifetime.

This morning I’ve been seeking God’s direction and leadership as we approach our big weekend of Sept. 14 & 15 with Christopher Yuan and his parents. I’ve had several contacts of late for this readiness and I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon with some at our church for this preparation. I tremble inside when these times comes knowing there are a host of details to address and I don’t want any left undone or unattended. In this case I am not doing most of the details for they are turned over to our church staff and I do trust them.

The biggest thing of this morning for me took place as I was journaling. In it I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know and believe for today? His response touched me to my core. He said, “know I AM with you always even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20. It was then He added something which touched my heart. He said, “I believe in you.” Do you know what it is like to have your father believe in you? I never felt this–ever, from my earthly father. However, today, Jesus said He believes in me. I hope this doesn’t sound “over the top,” but, it was one of the most humbling and empowering statements I’ve ever had given to me. It strengthens my own belief tremendously because first and foremost, Jesus believes in me–us. We were created for God’s purposes and now we get to carry them out knowing God believes in us. What a loving, wonderful Father we get to serve!