Yes, the journey does continue and I feel like a new person on the journey. It took getting back into the routine of life yesterday and another night’s sleep to reconnect the body, mind, emotions, spirit. There is one thing about writing this blog daily, it keeps me honest and connected to myself. This past weekend is not a new experience for me. I get involved to that degree somewhat often, yet I tend to ignore the feelings which occur when the body is tired and the emotions are wrung out. Admitting this is true for me doesn’t make me any different than any other man. I have never wanted to admit such emotional levels in myself. I always feared it would make me like my earthly dad who I now see I had judged harshly for his emotional displays. In his emotions he would either be overly nice or overly mean and the mean showed up far more often than the nice. It was the overly mean which left its permanent memory in my body. I never wanted to be like him in any way so I couldn’t let myself be emotional (I thought). Well, now I see I definitely have an emotional part. I also see that being so doesn’t make me “like someone”. It only makes me human like each of us are. It sure has taken a long time for me to get to this place. I’m actually glad to be here!

As I got home yesterday from the last of the three programs, I found myself emotionally spent. I ate a bite, did a couple of chores and sat down to read the paper. In so doing I found myself battling some of the most ridiculous temptations. I was able to take about a 15 minute nap, but then it all started again. We had a Christmas party with the leadership of Celebrate Recovery to attend so I got things ready for it but couldn’t dispel these feelings. Even this morning as I prepare to head to a school district, I don’t feel all together. I realize that last week takes its toll on a person, but, this I didn’t expect. Satan wants us believing that being a new creation is only a myth. He is not going to quit trying to bring one back into the old destructive, beliefs. Yesterday was a reality of this.

In the midst of the afternoon I had a text message from one of the people in our CR leadership. They were asking me what do I do when I know God’s truth but my heart and my head are disconnected from it? I found myself thinking this is exactly where I am presently. It actually helped awaken me to let go of trying and give it to God. Remembering to use the temptation to pray for someone with a similar temptation. I wrote about this not so long ago. The reality that God is always stronger and always present is becoming much more real. Praise God!

Today my little sis turns 66. She is the baby of our family, #12. That really tells you that this generation of Lewis’ is getting closer to our days of extinction!

My bible reading in Ezekiel is sobering. The present reading goes deeply into our world’s state as we near Christ’s second coming. As I was reading it this morning I was also googling about Gog and Magog which has always been somewhat mysterious. The information I found makes this clearer. I don’t in anyway pretend to be a prophet, but it isn’t too difficult to see that the present state of Israel with its neighboring countries is nearing the descriptions written about in Ezekiel 38, 39 and continuing into 40.

As I was entering into my prayer time and I took my prayer list, I saw once again–New Creation. I have kept this written at the top of my prayer list reminding me of this truth. Today as I read it I felt God nudging me to a greater awareness of its meaning. When we become a new creation accepting Jesus as our Savior and Lord, we receive the Holy Spirit. This new Spirit we receive begins to work remaking our thinking, our focus in life. What I believe He was pointing out for me this morning was that the new life gives me freedom from the bondage I carried from my past. Once that bondage was no longer carried I am free to live in freedom–the fear of how I live (perform) is gone.

Living in freedom allows me (us) to not need to be self-protective. In other words, I don’t need to worry about so many little things. I can focus entirely on God’s purposes and trust Him as I enter into them. It seems small to write this next statement, but it’s true. When I use to sing as I will again this morning, I worried if I did it good enough, if I was pleasing to God, if I got God’s message across the way He wanted, if man was paying attention to the message, etc. Now, I have found this weekend to be much freer of this worry. I find myself enjoying the opportunity to do this. I always felt like these types of feelings would be selfish, when instead, I’m no longer focused on me, but I’m focused on God’s delivery whatever it is to be. I don’t know if this makes sense, but it is an awakening I’ve needed all of my life. The bondage is truly leaving. Praise God.

Yesterday turned out to be a wonderful day. The school district meeting I had in the morning was very productive. Then my brothers and spouses were here for lunch and the afternoon. Following this they all came to our church Christmas production. I didn’t get to see them following the program but Kathy told me they were touched by it. Today there is another one in the afternoon. My grandson and girlfriend are coming and hopefully my two local daughters and kids will also come. I do love how God uses these times to bring us together.

This morning’s Bible reading in Ezekiel speaks of God bringing life to dead bones. It is the 37th chapter. I love what Joyce Meyer says about this. She writes that so often we give up on situations in our family, situations with our relationships, situations of hope at work, etc. We think nothing can or will change. When we do this we are looking at man and responding to it as man. God is asking us to see “these dry bones” through Him. It is God Almighty Who originally created each of us. It is this same God Who can and will restore life to what seems dead. Our prayers and beliefs need to hang onto these truths and proclaim them as the truth.

I have my own times of doubting where I succumb to my flesh in my beliefs about life. We all have these moments. However, lets not stay there. It is in these moments we give fuel to Satan’s lies unintentionally. I want to be a genuine believer in this Magnificent God we get to serve. He is the One Who can and will give new life to areas we call “dead”. Praise God and thank you God!

Have you ever had a gift given to you which you were grateful to receive and then used only as you knew to use it? A time later you were given all kinds of insights into the other things this gift could do and you wondered why you didn’t know this sooner? A smart phone is a good example. If I use it only as a handheld phone replacing the dial phone, I am truly limiting its usefulness to me. When I first started using a smart phone I had a friend who began to show me the many ways it could benefit me. I didn’t trust it at first to be my calendar, but when I finally began to try it, it not only had my calendar but it gave me reminders for the things I want/need to do. This is just one small example.

This morning in my devotions I’m reading Ezekiel and came again across the verses, Ezekiel 36:26-27. In these verses God promises us a new heart. This heart replaces our heart of stone with a heart of flesh. I’ve written about this in my book and different times in this daily blog. This morning I realize this heart of flesh is the Gift of The Holy Spirit God gives us when we accept Christ into our lives. I’m also awakening to the immense amount of limiting I’ve placed on The Holy Spirit when I don’t seek the help to understand His purposes within me. Just like the smart phone, He can and will do so much more if I only take the time to better understand Him. I am learning that not only can I trust Him, I truly want to trust Him. Joyce Meyers writes: “Our job is to believe, and God’s job is to perform. If we were called to achieve we would be called ‘achievers’, not ‘believers’.

Living the life of a new creation who has a new heart is an amazing opportunity to relearn how to live. To think it is all about believing rather than doing. This is amazing!

I touched yesterday on this week. Tonight is the last dress rehearsal. The orchestra, sound dept. with their lighting, computer part and all is coming together with precision. The passion of the acting is likewise very evident. I have never been at this point in a program like this where I feel uptight with anticipation instead of anxiety and dread. The fear of failure isn’t present as it always has been. My high school music teacher use to tell me that when the time came for me to sing I could count on God. His power is present when the need is actually present. I’ve never forgotten this and I’ve seen it to be true time after time. Yet, in the back of my mind I’ve always had that “what if” thought and fear. This year it is simply gone. It is amazing to me to be as old as I am and finding that we are never to old to discover life as a “new creation”. The finding of the new creation isn’t like opening a package and now I have it. For me it has been more like discovering a different person walking into each day. The day has similar things to face and do but the one walking into it has a confidence which he hasn’t known. The confidence isn’t about what I know I can do. It is entirely about trusting the One who walks with you to give you His Power/Wisdom/Strength as you need it. I never realized how much my living of each day was about me rather than about the one I’ve desired to serve. Wow, God is truly AMAZING!

This is rehearsal week for the upcoming Christmas musical/drama our church does this weekend 3 different times. Every day I’m working and every night I’m at church and then the weekend is no less packed. It is so easy to take my eyes off of the purpose of all this activity and simply have them on all the details I fear won’t be together. In the years past as we get to this week I swear I won’t do this again in the coming year. This year God has already taught me a powerful lesson. These times are all about Him. Man has this innate desire to make things about himself and Satan does his best to ensure man has his eyes of self. I am no different for I am man. Now that God has me better rooted in the truth that I am a new creation I have a much more grounded faith that I don’t need to worry about these details. They come together perfectly. I truly love watching this happen this year. Instead of wishing all of this were over, I keep watching how God is using each step of the preparation as another time to trust Him. What an amazing God we serve.

Jesus is such a wonderful Savior–yes He is! The reality of Christ’s coming and the faith we are to have to accept Him as Savior and King–Lord of our lives is no small thing. Our pastor is setting the stage for this through the month of December with his sermons. He began last Sunday describing in detail the power of the Roman Empire which enslaved Israel at the time of Christ’s birth. Here this new born baby was being declared the coming Messiah. We know all about his lowly birth, his parents, the stable, yet the Israelites were expecting a ruler who would conquer this Roman Empire. Israel would become a world power as it had been so long before. Yet, God was showing them a spiritual parallel which must be accepted on faith in God rather than on faith in man. It is so easy to see this clearly 2000 years later, but I don’t know if I’d been any different during their times.

This journey I’m on, each of us are on, is one that brings us right smack to the throne of heaven–a manager in a lowly stable. Do I call Him King? Will I take all of this by faith and believe as though it were as solid as a rock wall? Of course I say yes to all of this, yet it is in my day to day actions that tell the truth of my beliefs. God is making Himself and His purposes so much clearer in my journey with Him. In so doing I find myself so humbled knowing the ways of man are so futile compared to His. To think this all starts with the faith of a mustard seed. I’ve tried to hard to earn it when all along it was a gift, and it still is the same gift. Even in my later years of life I pray for me to be fertile ground for this seed of faith to be solidly rooted in the power of this Christ child. He is my King, my Savior, my Lord and He even calls me friend. Wow, what a Savior He is!

The journey does continue today. It is always a little odd returning to a schedule following a week away from it. I need to get back into the routine so I feel settled. It is funny to have lived so long and yet still step into the routines of the day with the sense of insecurity. This morning I surrendered it instead of squelching it until I get to the school and find it is just a “feeling”.

The message of yesterday’s entry–standing in the gap–stays with me and it did throughout yesterday. The literal truth of this is like spiritual concrete. Jesus Christ has done this for me and He has done this for each one of us who have surrendered our lives to Him. Jesus asks us to do this for those He places in our path and puts on our hearts through His Holy Spirit. My real point of awakening which is personal for me, is to use a time of temptation as a spiritual reminder to pray for someone else’s struggle. When temptation hits me I usually have a sense of panic–“oh no, it’s back”! However, using the time to focus in on someone else’s need gives spiritual purpose to Satan’s attack.

My devotional this morning was written to remind us that God is our Abba Father–daddy. He is intimate and fully respectful. I am able to see this so much more clearly now knowing in my heart and mind that God is God and dad was dad. Dad did the best he could and I no longer relate characteristics of him to Abba Father. Our Heavenly Father will be with us for eternity! Wow!

“Oh, the weather outside is frightful” as the songs says. It’s blowing and snowing outside. My oldest grandson is stuck in S. Dakota with the roads closed and the power is out. He says they are fine at his girlfriend’s grandparent’s place. Yes, winter has arrived.

“Stand in the gap.” This phrase is not a new one by any means. However, this morning it has new and deeper meaning for me. Ezekiel 22:30 says: “And I sought a man among them who should build up the wall and stand in the gap….but I found none.” Ezekiel was to take this message to the people informing them of God’s position with them. Joyce Meyer writes a message connecting to this verse. She writes about those who interceded in prayer for her and the thousands who intercede today for her and her ministry. She then writes something which truly stood out to me–“If you need a breakthrough over some bad habit that is hindering you and holding you back, pray for someone who has a need in a similar area.”

There are those of us who say we are battling to overcome hurts, hang-ups and habits. Then, there are those who are doing this in private, not telling anyone. All of us struggle as we are all human. What hit me this morning in my devotional time is my need to quit fighting my battle and accept the victory Jesus has already won for me. Jesus wants me to fight in prayer for those I know are struggling. I have a prayer list of these folks I do pray for daily. However, the awakening of the morning was for me to quit thinking I am to keep fighting for my own victory. I accept the victory already won. I know the Victor–Jesus Christ. I worship Him, I have Him in my heart and I have His Holy Spirit within. Why would I think I need more than this? Oh, the futility of man’s thinking! God wants me to stand in the gap for those not yet aware of this victory I have and He has waiting for them. I am going to do this with better understanding as of today. Praise God!