A couple weeks ago I was nudged to write down this verse from Habakkuk 3:19. It reads: “The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery and my invincible army. He makes my feet like hind’s feet and will make me to walk and make progress upon my high places”. At the time I was nudged to write this and carry it with me, I was seeking some type of confidence that I wouldn’t stay caught in the sins of my past. As I read the verse I thought it was “sort of” fitting, but there wasn’t anything too tangible at the moment. I don’t think I even put this in a blog entry.

Yesterday, as my friend and I met for our book study, I was overcome with grief as we began to talk through the content of the chapter which embraced the topic of being sold out to God’s purpose with living life fully committed to Him. “I wasn’t worthy of possessing such a gift as Christ’s authority,” I said. I wasn’t alone there for both of us were feeling this way. It was then I awoke to the verse God had given me in Habakkuk. The second sentence of the verse says, …”He makes my feet like hind’s feet and will make me to walk and make progress upon my high places”. I had never seen my belief of unworthiness as a high place. Yet, at the moment yesterday I saw its grip, bondage on me. I had used it for the last time as a reason to not move forward, …”making progress on my this high place”.

Last night one of our guys in share group told that he has been diagnosed with a stage of cancer. The group leader asked the men who wanted to stay, and pray over him. He prayed and then asked any of us to also do so. For the first time I prayed sensing Christ’s authority over this. I was free to pray a healing prayer for him. Any other time I have prayed like this I would say in my head only, “God, please heal them in spite of who I am asking this of you.” I was never worthy to ask such a thing of God. It is so humbling and amazing to witness God’s continued work in our life. God is such an AMAZING GOD–Kind and Gentle–yet ALL POWERFUL!

The journey today has me staying home. In a short while I’ll be meeting with a man who is doing a book study with me using the book: I Give You Authority by Charles Kraft. Its subtitle is: “Practicing the Authority Jesus Gave Us”. This book was recommended to me by my prayer warrior for this man and me to work through. It is rich in challenge. I have to confess that for me, one of my present challenges is seeing myself as person who carries within him this power/authority which Jesus gave to us. It is easy for me to have my early devotions, pray through a prayer list and then go about my day. This is all private so making it easy. The difficulty has come from voices in my head which scream the old messages from childhood–“you just want to be more important than anyone else”, “you just think you’re too good for anyone in our home–go do your own thing and never return”, and many more. Today these voices are less powerful and less paralyzing. I read that Jesus wants us to shed our fear as in II Timothy 1:7, “The Spirit that God has given us does not make us timid; instead, his Spirit fills us with power, love and self-control”.

The present chapter talks meaningfully that as we mature in our relationship with God a humility grows within us knowing any authority we carry has nothing to do with our personal characteristics, but it all lies within the Spirit which we are given by accepting Christ into our lives and daily surrendering to His Spirit’s leadership. I sure want to face this giant of belief I struggle with as does this gentleman I’m meeting with on only 20 more minutes. God is so good and so faithful. I give myself to Him.

Yesterday was one of those days one would hope to have each and every day. It was the first day back at one of the schools I work with. Their new principal is green but highly gifted in so many of the qualities leadership needs. I’ve not made so much progress with a person in quite some time. Today I go to the high school and have my first day with them now that students have returned. I pray the time can be just as worthwhile as I give it all to God and do my own part in being a good listener to The Holy Spirit first and foremost.

An email arrived yesterday with the message that our Celebrate Recovery can take some steps in September to open a little more restarting our step studies and dinner time. There are parameters around these, but just knowing there is a light shining sure brings great hope and renewed enthusiasm.

As I’m now in Genesis I am reading about Abraham and Sarah’s inability to wait on God for His promise of a son to fulfill itself. Thus they take matters into their own hands and now they have Ishmael and the complications of their choosing to move ahead of God’s timing. Our present circumstances have sure been a huge temptation to do things on our own, but God’s steady Hand has continued to stay these actions. It is not always easy to know God’s plan, but knowing that when doors are closed and that God has been part of the reason the door is closed is certainly the message that timing is not right. I’ve sure had to learn this lesson more than once in my life! Listening, patiently waiting and Trusting our Loving God is key.

The school doors have opened in one of the districts for which I serve. I’m joining these open doors today with children present. I’m glad to see this taking place and I’m praying we can keep them open throughout this year. I’m also praying that all of our schools will be open by the time this year comes to an end. I could write a very lengthy entry today on this topic, but I don’t care to join the drama surrounding the topic. I prefer to work with the people striving to provide the education for our kids as best they can.

Writing today’s entry has me pondering where I go with it? My mind wants to go into the unknowns of ministry work and the school’s work. I wrote yesterday that our board is meeting tonight to decide steps we can take so I need to let that rest for the day (yet I don’t want to). My task today is to go into the school and do all I can to give assistance there and let God do His work only as He does. I think I said yesterday that my assignment was to trust and obey. This repeated lesson is needing me to listen well and trust greatly. I needed this firm reminder.

God is in control! I’m going to go do my part in obeying and not fretting.

Sometimes the road which the journey has us taking is filled with potholes and boulders. This describes what our Celebrate Recovery meeting yesterday was like. Trying to plan a year with a restart in mid-September is difficult, if not impossible, at this point in time. The church board is meeting tomorrow night just to decide what we can do with all of the church ministries who meet using the church’s facilities.

Then, this morning I read in Genesis how God told Abraham to leave his home country and go to the land being prepared for his new home. All Abraham knew to do was to leave taking everything with him for he wouldn’t be returning. There were going to be a multitude of other steps he’d need to take upon his arrival, but God didn’t give him any of this information until the time was right. Abraham obeyed by simply taking one step at a time, trusting fully.

I realize this is God’s message for us today. Learning to trust and obey is always like a new lesson each time I come up against it. But, it is the lesson of the hour and I don’t want to be anything other than a good servant of God. So, not with worry will I wait, but with anticipation and thanksgiving.

We have a 3 & a 5 year old granddaughters with us for the weekend. I wasn’t sure how far I’d get into my devotional time before one or both of them were on my lap. They are early risers, but for some reason, I am being given the gift of early morning peace! God, I’m sure, knows how much they need the rest and I need the quiet.

Today we have our monthly Celebrate Recovery meeting where we will be planning, as best we can, the forthcoming year and all the support classes which connect to the ministry. So many details are still at risk so I don’t know if we can make any long-term plans. The one thing which is coming together is the potential start of a new CR in a neighboring town. A couple I know well have spear-headed the building of a ministry house next to the high school. On the 26th of this month I’m meeting with all of the interested pastors to check out interest in using this new facility for a community CR. Hopefully it will be an ecumenical one. (So often someone in a church is inspired to start a ministry like this but there is no support group to help lead. Often then the ministry dies from burnout. It would be great to have several churches join their folks in this.) The couple also planned a counseling room in the layout so there is the opportunity for one to one work there also. I’m excited to see what doors open with this new opportunity.

Isn’t God good?!! It’s humbling and so rewarding to be connected to His team.

Yesterday turned out to be quite the day. I don’t often make a list of things to get done in a day when the day is just to be home. However, yesterday I needed to get caught up on several items from canning beans to picking berries to mowing to watering both my yard and my neighbors, etc. I ended the day going to my oldest grandson’s place to help him with his own yard. As I finally got home to shower about 8:00 pm I thanked God for all that got done and the ease of getting it done. Today Kathy and I have our two youngest granddaughters for the rest of the weekend. They are 3 & 5. They are easy keepers and lots of fun.

As I have begun to read the Bible starting with Genesis, I find myself reading it from the lens of a man created by this same God who did this miraculous work. It wasn’t miraculous to Him. It is just what He does. I find myself constantly reflecting on the true relationship He had with Adam and Eve and then both of them. The sadness He must have felt when sin entered this scene of human living. Yet, in spite of man’s sin God had the plan to redeem us. Even with sin God keeps reminding man that we started in His image, not the image of sinfulness. Even after Noah and his sons began to repopulate the earth, God gave them a reminder of who they were and Who He is. This I found in Genesis 9:6. It says, “Whoever sheds man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed, for in this image of God He made man.” God doesn’t want you or me to lose sight of our own creation. I’ve lived a long time to grasp the depth of love and support I have in this truth.

The past couple of days have been whirlwinds of activity, however, in spite of all that’s going on, God has given a peace. Everything that is usually starting at this point in a year is doing so with a huge question mark. This goes for all the school districts, some of which have delayed their starts by 2-3 weeks, and this also goes for the ministries at church. After weeks of wondering (stewing, worrying) how all of this will come about, God has reigned me in to let me know I’m simply to do my part and let Him be God in all of this seeming chaos. He is not troubled at all. He just wants me to do my part each day. This is teaching me a good deal about trust which I’ve needed to learn for a long time. I see that now is a good lesson platform for this learning.

God really is such an amazing God and I’m learning just what an amazing Dad He also is. I am loving this relationship which continues to grow as I learn to let go of so much I thought I needed to control.

It is fun to be part of a day like yesterday that is filled with the excitement and hopefulness of a new year of learning and growing for the children in a school system. The issues at hand are momentarily overshadowed by the beliefs that “we can teach these kids no matter what obstacles may be in the way”. This was true yesterday as the staff of one district gathered to prepare for school beginning next Monday.

One of my devotionals talked this morning about the dark moments we live through–when we are in the shadow of God’s hand. (Isaiah 49:2) In these moments it is dark and hard to hear/listen for God’s voice/message. Oswald Chambers says that during these times to stay quiet not talking to other people, just listen and obey. He calls it the discipline of hearing. As I reflect on the past few days I realize just how much God was wanting me to listen and obey. What I realize this morning is that obeying is directly connecting to believing. God has been teaching me so much about believing a new creation is able to live free of the past’s bondage. Remembering the past is one thing, but remembering the past and staying connected to its shame is what I am free from if I only obey what God tells me to believe.

This kind God we serve is utterly amazing. How much I want to be fully surrendered to Him, His Son Jesus and to The Holy Spirit He gifts to you and me as we give our lives to Him.

There is a song named Amazing Love by Graham Kendrick. It speaks a message that Jesus has brought to my mind each of the last several mornings when I ask Him what He wants me to know for the day. The chorus goes: “Amazing Love, oh what sacrifice. The Son of God living for me. My debt He paid and my death He died that I might live.” The events of the past several days keep getting interwoven with the words of this song. The voices in my head kept wanting me to feel shame, guilt and worthlessness when this laptop only a year old wouldn’t work right. Each morning Jesus would bring me back to these words. This morning I saw the last three–I MIGHT LIVE. What I know Christ wants me to learn at a much deeper level is living as a new creation in the freedom He provides. I have so many tools on my computer I use when I’m out with schools that I felt worthless even going when this happened. But, even though I had to be present with it not working a couple different times, I functioned fine and the time was well spent.

There is an authority Christ has provided for us in His Holy Spirit living within each of us if we’ve truly given our heart to Him. I MIGHT LIVE is stating that the bondage of my past is forever gone. I can live victorious of it. I hadn’t written this, but Monday morning when I was told by the security company there was nothing more they could do, I stood, put my hands over the computer and told Satan, “you must flee. This is now in the hands of Jesus Christ and you no longer have any power over this tool of mine.” I was recognizing the authority of Jesus Christ. A couple hours later the computer was working.

The other thing I’m also learning from all of this is to put this same confidence in Christ’s authority into all the work I do with schools. They are up against the worst struggles I’ve seen education face in my almost 50 years. Yet, providing a rich education for each child is still the goal for every day of school. This can and will be done if our eyes are not set on the problem, but on the creative God who empowers us with His Holy Spirit. Recognizing this, surrendering my past and need to control the present, allows me to help others do the same. The answers are waiting to be found. I go in confidence that we will find the answers, “one day at a time, one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace”–God’s peace.