Today will conclude this weekend marathon of activities and events. I can’t really explain the difference between times like this in the past, except I simply feel at peace. I’m emotionally exhausted from the morning event and the wedding, but instead of anxiety, I truly enjoyed it all and felt honored to be given the part I had in each. God is truly amazing as He continues to restore us.

The other amazing part of the wedding last evening was meeting people I didn’t think I knew at all to find I knew several of them from times past. The bride’s pastor and wife were people that went to college where I did and we knew so many folks in common. But what was more amazing, the pastor’s wife was a child in the church I attended all through college. Her parents are still friends I rarely see, but when I do, it is one of those where you simply pick up where you left off the last time. The reception was filled with opportunities like this.

I love how God works and it is fun to be part of them not carrying the past baggage I use to bring with me each and every time. Simply being a child of God who has a past is a new reality thanks to our Loving and Gracious Dad–Abba Father!

It is amazing to me how different my journey is today from when I wrote my autobiography a little over 7 years ago. The last section of the book is called, Finding Freedom. At that point in my walk with God, I was finding freedom. However, I was still in the searching stage of it and not living in freedom. Today, working through the belief that I am a new creation, has put living in freedom at the forefront of everything I do. It is as though The Holy Spirit is working His way into every aspect of my daily living. Learning to lean on Him at each turn has become something I look forward to doing.

What I wrote about yesterday held true. Last night’s wedding rehearsal was fun rather than a stressful time. This morning I will be giving a brief testimony to our audience as we prepare to sing a song which truly touches upon a struggle I’ve had all of my life. The song is Gaither’s “It Is Finished”. Only in recent years have I known the “battle has been won” for me.

Living in freedom doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t have any issues any longer. What it means is that when fears arise, anxiety want to take over, I believe the Holy Spirit when He reminds me I can let Him have them. I’ve never walked into a singing event like this one today where I look forward to it and there isn’t anxiety about telling a portion of my story. It is sheer gratitude I have today that I get to do this. How patient and merciful our Abba Father is.

Growing my relationship with God has been the most wonderful opportunity I’ve ever been given. I’ve always known that to have a relationship with God through His Son Jesus was the driver for living. The idea His Holy Spirit was given to me was kind of like icing on the cake. All of this was wonderful to know, little did I know about the actuality of living daily in this relationship. My living in it had been one of discipline. I am pretty good at discipline and I thought God was proud of me for living for Him this way. Well, God has been turning this around of late.

This weekend, starting tonight, I am presiding over a wedding (yes, I have a ministerial license which I haven’t wanted anyone to know about). The rehearsal is tonight and the wedding is tomorrow’s early evening. Tomorrow morning our quartet is doing a concert and Sunday morning we are doing the worship portion of our church service. As I began my journaling this morning I began to think how glad I’ll be to have this weekend behind me. It is always after an event that I appreciate the opportunity to have been part of it. My enjoyment has always been measured by the “quality of the performance”. As soon as I thought this I was checked by The Holy Spirit’s voice. He said this weekend was an opportunity for me to be a tool in HIs service. He asked if I’d consider looking forward to these events right now knowing He was in charge and I get to be His servant carrying a message in word and in song?

Little have I realized how much I lacked in trust and depended on my own skills (which I’ve always been insecure about) when it came to doing anything for God. All of a sudden I’ve begun to realize I can look forward to each event starting with tonight’s wedding rehearsal. I can relax and enjoy it knowing I’m serving, not leading. The Holy Spirit is leading. I’ve readied myself and now I can go into this as an opportunity to carry a message God has given me. Trusting God ahead of time is what He wants me to do as our relationship continues to mature. WOW!

After yesterday’s devotional time and my awakening to a new area of growth I need to face, I went to see my prayer warrior. She and I talked in depth about confessing my fear and replacing it with Trust. I was reminded of the 3-R’s: Recognize, Reject and Replace. I was then reminded of the 3-S’s which are what I began to replace the lies with: Self-love, Self-appreciation and Self-confidence. If I know that God has placed me this ministry I am to believe. I can trust myself to be used of God because He will be the One providing the message/s needing to be heard and responded to as I yield completely to Him and Trust.

I am into the beginning of this ministry where the rubber hits the road. All of this has brought me back to many different times in my educational career when I took steps into newness and as I got to this point I would do just as I am now–panic. However, this time I recognize it and will take the steps to move forward.

I have set the meeting for this morning with one of the couples who contacted me. I am walking into this first session trusting. Yes, my fears are right at the surface, but I’m not giving them any ground to take root. It is the seed of trust I want to grow and honor God in doing so.

This year, as I’ve written many times, has been focused on my understanding of what being a new creation is all about. Knowing it and believing/understanding this are two very different levels. It is easy to know, understanding to the point of believing is at a much deeper level. Today, God is making another point very clear. A new creation may question what God is doing, but the questions do not stop the action God is wanting one to take.

As I began the training class for biblical counseling last May, I at the same time asked the retired, licensed counselor to assist me. Early June we started counseling with 3 different people who I knew wanted counseling but didn’t have the insurance to address the cost. This service would be free. I would be able to observe the counseling taking place for my own learning. This has been such a tremendous help too. The down side of it for me personally is that I began to see how beneficial the counseling was from a pro. The voices in my head were saying, “give all of the counseling needs to the ones who can actually help. A novice like you will only be a hindrance.” We now have two retired counselors working with me and they are doing most of the counseling.

There are new requests coming in and my first action is to think which one of the two is best for the need. This morning God asked me why I was removing myself from the team? I had to admit my fear and see my lack of trust. In biblical counseling one learns that you are the messenger of God’s wisdom and work. He is the Great Healer, not man. Trusting God to do His Work through you is foundational.

What I wanted to be a model for learning was becoming my scapegoat. I will act differently now that I’m awake to my flesh. I never want to be a hindrance to God’s Kingdom Work. I have surrendered my fear and am acting on trust as today begins.

There is something about coming from a large family–every other day there is a birthday, anniversary, or something. Today is my oldest living brother’s birthday. Several years ago my grandson who at the time was 3, saw this brother and said to me, “Grandpa, that man over there looks just like you!” He hadn’t met Uncle Herb until that day. Now all these years later, we still look alike, just older look alike! Happy birthday Herb!

Each day of late God has been guiding me into a more surrendered life. There can be nothing held back. Oh, there can be things held back, but if so, they will be brought into the Light and then, well, you’ll have to face the reality that it needs to be surrendered too. The wonderful part of this journey is that God’s Grace is always present. His mercy towards us gives us opportunity to “want to surrender” rather than “have to surrender”. When faith and trust grow in Jesus Christ, Father God and The Holy Spirit, one reaches a point where the old “have to do this” dies. The desires become the “want to do this” because Christ’s Holy Spirit is nudging you to do so.

I’m still learning all of this and the love for God only grows as I do continue to surrender.

Today would have been my parents 95th wedding anniversary. I write this and think, I am really getting old!

As I journey through the belief (truth) that I am a new creation, I am being made more and more aware of God’s Holy Spirit’s role in my life. I have purchased a couple of books on The Holy Spirit and the authors’ write specifically about our need to surrender all. All doesn’t mean “in general” surrender all, it means specifically–surrender all. Our bodies were created in the image of God. Our original design was wholly filled with God’s Presence. When sin entered the picture, all of a sudden we became overly aware of our flesh. Well, in surrendering all, I am finding the importance of surrendering each aspect of my flesh.

It has taken a long time for me to surrender all of the lies my body stored about my worth to God. These were largely stored in my mind. This morning The Holy Spirit had me walk through my body from toes to head and committing all of them to Him for His cleansing and use. I found myself realizing how much “some of them” were still considered “dirty” in my mind, until I surrendered them to The Holy Spirit for His cleansing and use.

When God makes us new, He is talking about all of me, each and every part of me. These realities are so very precious and reflect so well the loving Grace God has given to each of us.

It is hard to believe that the actual 9-11 was 21 years ago today. I well remember the horror and disbelief of this day as it unfolded before us. I not only pray that we honor this day well, but we learn from it what God would want a nation and world to know. HE alone is the answer to the sins of man. How far we have drifted from this anchor.

I awoke quite early this morning and knew it was one of those days when I should just get up. I wasn’t going back to sleep. As I sat down to begin my devotional time I had the same sense of doom I’ve had the past few days. It was a little startling to me as I began to journal that Jesus wanted me to listen to Him right off the bat. His message was simple–remember to surrender what isn’t yours to deal with and instead, TRUST. When these days hit me, I know they are attached to events for me which I don’t have settled well within me. I usually bring these to Jesus during my devotional time so I can face the day in a good state of mind. In other words, I surrender them but forget the important part about trusting.

Christ is not done helping me learn what living as a new creation is all about. Today’s devotional title was: Resist Worry and Choose Peace. I swear I don’t read these titles ahead of time so I get up ready to be ministered to! God knows all and I am so grateful He is already prepared to shed needed Light. Boy, do I love our Father God!

For most of my life I’ve worked to stop old habits so I wouldn’t be sinning and instead I’d be a good believer. Starting to live believing I am a new creation is bringing about a new focus. I’ve needed to start new habits which began with daily believing I’m a new creation. Since the start of this year there have been other new habits I’ve needed to address. The book of James brought to light one of these this morning. It says in James 4:17, “So if you know of an opportunity to do the right thing today, yet you refrain from doing it, you’re guilty of sin.”

This scripture hit home. There are many times I sense the nudge of The Holy Spirit and I set it aside thinking “now isn’t the right time” as though I’m a better judge of the right time. Reading this verse this morning hit home because God is wanting me to learn to respond to Him when He nudges, not when I feel like it. This is truly my lesson for today and for the many days to come so I learn to respond when the nudge hits.

My pride and selfishness are forever going to be in the way of God’s Kingdom work if I let it. I sure don’t want this to be the case! I want someday to hear, “Good and faithful servant.”

This morning started with a phone call part way through my devotional time. A young man who spent a good deal of time getting his life back together after a nasty divorce called. He is 8 days from the wedding date for him and his new bride to be, and he has lost his job. He came by yesterday to give me the details of what had taken place and we talked in depth. This morning he hurts. He’s afraid to tell his soon to be in-laws for what man would call “good reasons”. However, they are a strong, Christian couple and I told him if it were me I’d wonder more why I hadn’t been told. I’d want to be part of the prayer team supporting my soon to be son-in-law.

There’s much more to this story, but God is always at work and He wants us to learn to respect His Spirit’s nudges in our lives. This is a part of our conversation of yesterday and this morning. There were nudges pushed aside which now he wishes he’d heeded. Life is a continuous one of lessons if we will see these events as such. I sure know this from living my own life all of these years. I know he will pull through and will be a stronger man as a result of this. His journey continues and has a boulder in the path it seems. Yet, God has a way of addressing these boulders as we let Him work. I look forward to see just what God is doing and will be doing. Finding faith in times of hurt is difficult. It needs to start with the support team holding up the one hurting.