Have you ever wondered what it would be like to spend a day with two lively grandkids in order to get a list of chores done which will take commitment and focus? Well, yesterday it happened and we were all done by mid-afternoon. Not, only was the work done, but we had a great time while doing it. I love how God orchestrates detail. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get several things on yesterday’s list done. The work of present and the ministry work of present wasn’t allowing the time I wanted for them to get done. But, in one day with their help–I’m caught up!
Last night we had the monthly meeting with the support group for family/friends with LGBTQ members. We had an assignment to do ahead of the session which everyone had done. However, as we got started I was asked for an update about our speaker in fall. After letting everyone know we are set with dates and workshops we never got to the assignment. The conversation lit upon needs brought into the room and the next thing we knew the 1.5 hr session was done. We all walked away lighter than when we entered.
Today I go to a district where the situation is sticky. Relationships are fine, but the work being done isn’t seemingly profiting students and their learning. So, we are going to take a focused look at this issue and see just why there isn’t any profit coming from the past year and actually, 2 years. I know God will lead and I’m a little curious to see how all of this will come together. I place my trust in Him!
Little by little the weight of several details are being whittled away. The year with the school district is coming to an end. I can even see the end of the work I have to do. This feels good, especially since they have done well this year. The other district I spend time in didn’t turn out so well. Tomorrow I meet with the superintendent so we can face some giants and create a plan to address them. Once again I will need to remember my role as a helper and not a controller.
Today, on the other hand, I am picking up two of my grandkids who are coming to earn money for summer camp. They will hang out with me and I have a full list of things we are going to get done. Most of it will not be too strenuous, but it will just be fun to have them with me. Kathy and I will help support their camp whether the help comes or not, but their mom insists they earn their keep and I do want to support that philosophy!
It is sad that we don’t learn very well from the lessons of someone else. We quite often have to have our own lesson in order to learn the consequences of life. I wish that weren’t true. However, all through the Bible I continue to read about God’s directions and man’s disobedience and choices to stray from these directions. God doesn’t choose to control us and I must remember He never asked me to control anyone either. I can’t stand in the way of consequences. If I do, I only am delaying the lesson to be learned which then God uses to focus someone back to Him.
I stand amazed, sometimes I kneel amazed. Today, this morning, I came to God heavy, but God removed the heavy so I could see Him once again as Amazing. I awoke in the middle of the night weighted with circumstances I dearly want to see differently for a couple of special people in my life. The weight of choices were killing my own spirit and I knew it would do the same for them if they didn’t head a different direction than they were. This morning as I brought this heaviness to God and asked what I was to do, He indicated to me that this heaviness wasn’t for me to carry even though I love the ones. If I carry it, they can’t know the consequences as He wants them to know. He wants me to help and helping in this case isn’t telling and doing for them. It is asking and only responding if I am asked to help. As I surrender this I realize the same God who orchestrates the entire universe easily orchestrates our circumstances, but, only if we let Him do so. If I step in and it isn’t helping, it actually interferes with what God would orchestrate. This I certainly don’t want to do.
It seemed when I was growing up I saw a lot of poor choices being made. I decided early in life I didn’t want to do this and suffer the consequences I saw them experience. Some of these poor choices also were the abusive actions which I lived through. All of this seemed to drive me to want to take control of everyone’s poor choices so they didn’t live this way. I can see now how a good idea o in man’s hands only is wrong. God can’t work with an individual if another individual keeps standing in the way. I’ve got to keep myself in the arena of “helping” not controlling. God isn’t done with me and I know He isn’t done with those I love either. Today I surrendered again–my will.
Have I ever mentioned in my posts how amazing God is? Well let me tell you another one. I had written yesterday regarding the forms I could not seem to get submitted correctly and how God had wanted me to “let it go until Tuesday” for then I’d have time to figure out what is wrong. Well, as only God would do, I finished the blog and opened my emails. Here the secretary had resubmitted the forms to me only minutes before in a different format which I was able to complete in about 30 minutes before I headed out to all the activities lined up for the day. They are done! I don’t know if this secretary always works on Saturdays, but yesterday she was there. Because they are 2 hours ahead of here she had already been working on this as I stressed with God. I just find this remarkable! The rest of the day was no different either. I got the gardening done I didn’t think would have time to do and I even got my haircut which needed it badly!
Today we are singing a song in two concerts our quartet is doing in the afternoon and evening. The song is “I’ll Worship Only at the Feet of Jesus”. It was given to me by my prayer warrior to have our quartet learn and sing. Today she is coming as we do it. Yesterday as we practiced I could hardly sing it seeing her in my mind sitting out in the audience. The song emphasizes just how many false gods we have before us and how futile each of them turn out to be. Of late God has been helping me see how many I’ve had all my life and now He is ready to have me submit them to Him so He can be the One and only True God. There and only there can I find the peace, grace, mercy which God promises us not once in a while, but for each and every day if we keep His Son Jesus on the throne of our lives and His Holy Spirit as the one Voice we listen and respond to. What a gracious God we have!
I am not sure who dominated in getting me up this morning–God or Kathy. Both were speaking to me–God in my head, Kathy talking in her sleep. Kathy was louder so I got up so I could hear the other voice!
As summer is little by little approaching, I am finding myself not yet having the freedom of time I usually have. Today is no exception. Our quartet is practicing, I need to get to my one daughter’s home to help, my own garden is screaming at me and tonight we are going out with a couple from Celebrate Recovery. All of this should be in the arena of “fun”. The overriding item is the work with our Recovery Ministry work. (The name of it is being changed to Restoration Ministry so I need to quit using recovery ministry as its name). I’m having a keynote speaker coming in September for a weekend where he will do workshops on Saturday and speak to the congregation on Sunday am. All is set in the way of dates, etc. However, the forms I need to complete will not go through legibly. They are sent in one format which I can retrieve but when I complete them my computer is converting them somehow to another format which is gibberish to the other end. I’ve attempted this twice and the lady at the other end keeps emailing saying I need to try again. These things drive me nuts and I can’t do anything about it until Tuesday as I’m working Monday. So I write this and realize I’m losing a day to torment because I don’t let it go. So, now realizing it, I’m letting it go until Tuesday and I’ll get it worked out then!
It’s always a good thing to awaken to the details of life that Satan is trying to disrupt. I’ve just had that happen in this writing. So instead of giving in to Satan I’ll give Glory to God for great things He has done and is still doing!
I’m always amazed at God’s Work. Yesterday as I got to our church for the meeting with the two pastors for our Restorative Ministry classes, I had a call. It was our Ministry Leader for Celebrate Recovery. He said last night’s lesson was GRACE. He asked me to show him grace and teach it. He was on the Oregon coast, the gal who was to teach it was sick and would I do it? I of course said yes. In preparing to teach it and then in doing it last night I was struck once again with God’s never-ending connections. I had written at the top of the lesson (I don’t even know when I’d done this) “God, do you realize what I’ve done?” His response, “Do you realize what I have done?” What God has done is given us GRACE through His Son Jesus Christ dying on the cross of Calvary allowing our sins to be buried once and for all–He was the final sacrifice.
The lesson goes on to tell how we give grace when we make amends to someone we have hurt or to give forgiveness to someone who has hurt us. A huge awakening for me yesterday was how much more I now understand Grace, forgiveness and amends since I’ve finished the class on abuse: Mending the Soul. The things I’d thought were just to be left alone as human mysteries were brought into focus so I had to deal with them. The big one was dealing with the absence of mom during the years of abuse. When I say absence I mean the absence of her “help” by simply checking in with me to see if I were ok. I was always left to deal with the sexual abuse or the physical/emotional abuse as my problem. All of this is now settled and buried at the foot of the Cross thanks to Christ Jesus’ work there. GRACE is received and so appreciated! I didn’t truly understand until last night’s lesson just how much God has still been doing in my life until I prepared and taught that lesson.
Today is the last day of school for the district I’ve spent the year with. Yesterday I was with them all day. The superintendent had planned a lunch for all the students who had shown growth in the state testing to reach proficiency or above. He then had root beer floats for all the students who had simply shown growth in their learning. It was quite the celebration and I was able to help serve the kids. One kid asked me, “What do you think of all our learning growth, Mr. State?” I suppose someone told him I was there all year from the State Dept of Ed. He was a proud kid and I told him I was proud of them too. It was a nice celebration.
Today I go to our church to solidify the start of our recovery ministry start up in the Fall. I’m meeting with a couple of our pastors to get this done. It seems the message of late for me is to be a messenger and a listener. I am not to respond until I’ve carried the message, listened and then asked for The Holy Spirit’s confirmation.
I read in Numbers earlier a quote my Grandma Wretling use to use all the time with us grandkids. It was, “be sure your sins will find you out.” I thought that was her line but there it was, a line Moses was telling the children of Israel. It’s found in Numbers 32:23b. At first I thought it was cute to see this but God wanted me to know the message is His to all of us. He reminded me that my lessons of late to be a messenger of Him is not to then control. That is His role. My action is a sin when I take this upon myself. To trust and obey is my rightful role. I’ve always said I want to be a good student my entire life. This is a big lesson this student is learning.
So today is one for clarifying more about yesterday’s message. Yesterday God was helping me see the difference between carrying a message and carrying a message I think I’m to ensure happens (as I think it should happen). The day yesterday didn’t complete itself at all like I’d had planned in my head. It was a day where I was going to do the “good deeds” needing done and then I’d do the things I wanted to do. Well, other than mowing the lawn in the afternoon, I didn’t get anything done I wanted. Instead, I found myself patiently/impatiently doing for others. At first I reminded myself I was a messenger and not a creator as of yesterday. By the end of the day I was wanting to control it all.
As I was having my devotions this morning I had read more in Numbers and had begun to journal. I was writing the things which seem so out of control in spite of good efforts. As I was writing this I asked God what He wanted me to know as I ask each day. Instantly I looked at the bottom of the journal page where a scripture was written: Galatians 5:22-23–the Fruits of the Spirit. The last one of them is self-control. God nudged me to see control with a “self” in front of it. Immediately I was given the insight I needed. Once again I was reminded that I am a messenger. I am not the creator. God hasn’t asked me to give a message to then control its outcome. He asked me to give a message and let Him and His Holy Spirit be the controller. He asked me to use self-control. This is what He will help me with as His personal gift to me.
I keep telling myself I’m an old man learning such important life lessons. The ego of man sure wants to be in control. God wants me controlling only myself. He wants man to be focused on Him so He can be the One and Only One in control. I’ll keep working on this!
Today’s Bible reading, still in Numbers, had some significant messages. Moses takes control of a message God has given him regarding bringing water from a rock and because he adds his own message to God’s he is told he will not enter the Promised Land. Also, Aaron is taken away by Moses, stripped of his robes which are now placed on his son and he dies. Then the Israelites enter the territory of Balak who is threatened and wants Balaam to give him a blessing so he won’t be destroyed by this threatening group of people called Israelites. Balaam is offered great riches if he’d agree to what is offered him. God is steadfast however and brings Balaam back to Him primarily through the voice of his donkey!
I take a look at this powerful message of today and am awakened to how many times I’ve wanted to have a piece of the glory from a message man wants to hear. God has provided a message, but in delivering it I want to feel good about being part of it as though I were the creator of the message. This morning as I was journaling regarding this ego of man God reminded me that through all of time He has been giving His message to those who will deliver it. He looks for those who will keep Him the Creator and let themselves be the messenger.
Man really does have a thing about pride and ego. After getting awakened this morning to today’s message, I really want to evaluate my purposes, my motives. So much of what I do these days in my consulting work is to be built upon solid guidance. What more solid guidance can be given except that coming from God? Do I give Him the credit for that which works? Do I try to keep any praise for me? This isn’t just about educational consulting but also about working with our recovery ministry and even meeting with an individual which I’m doing later this morning. I am a provider of God’s message. That is the focus of what I want to do each and every day as I surrender myself wholly to God my Father.
Today we head home. I’m always glad when this time comes. I enjoy getting back and being in familiar territory even though the getting away helps me to enjoy the familiar territory more. I always appreciate what home is after being away from it.
This morning’s Bible reading had some tough consequences. I’m into Numbers where the spies Moses had sent into the Promised Land came back with the report that the land was filled with good and plentiful crops but the people were mighty and big. 10 of the 12 thought they couldn’t conquer them. Yes, they were forgetting to look up instead of looking at their surroundings. Only Caleb and Joshua were able to see the blessings God was about to give them and that God doesn’t put us into circumstances without His Presence going before us. We know the rest of the story I believe, that God made them turn around. He wasn’t going to let a host of unbelievers enter His Promised Land. He would wait and take their children in instead. So, 40 years of wandering followed this refusal to trust God.
There is so much in this I relate to. I lost many years of living by not trusting God to be the Mighty God He is. I spent them hiding instead of believing. I don’t want to live the remaining years this way. Yes, there are times in today’s living I need to be reminded to believe and not question. This weekend has been a good time to reawaken the strength which God gives when we BELIEVE.
Earnie Lewis 