“The joy of the Lord is my strength.” Have you ever read this and thought–how true this is! I have many, many times and even sung a chorus by the same title. This morning as I continue to read in Joshua, he asks God to give them more time. The enemy is great and the battle is raging but the day is ending and they needed more time. God did just that–he stopped the rotation of earth and sun to lengthen the day giving them just what they needed.

I don’t know about you, but I often forget the intense message in the statement quoted above. What started this off for me was my thinking how weak I am now that I’m older. My mind forgets so much more, my body wears down by mid afternoon and I get sluggish, my emotions weaken and I find myself irritable and much more susceptible to temptation. It was when I journaled this that God reminded me about the verse above. I don’t have strength within me to stand against the world and particularly the spiritual warfare of our world. This is why God wants us to know–that we can take great joy in Him for He is our STRENGTH when we do. What’s even more touching for me personally is that He wants to be our strength if we will only admit we are weak and need His Strength.

This morning I was thanking God for this message and for loving me in spite of my weaknesses. His reminder to me was this, “Earnie, you know how much you love your grandkids? Do you love them less when they do something wrong? Does it hurt your heart? Well, in the same way, when you do something wrong and show your weakness, I don’t love you less. Yes, I hurt, but I wait for you to take joy in Me, confess your weakness and ask for My Help. Then I can offer you My Strength. This is exactly what you do with your grandkids. I do the same for you in even greater intensity for I AM GOD ALMIGHTY.”

Don’t you love our FATHER!

The absence of bondage/the presence of freedom. This morning in my Bible reading Joshua met a warrior in the field as they were approaching Jericho. He could instantly tell this person was a warrior from his garb and weapon which he carried. Joshua asked him if he were for or against the Israelites? The response was amazing: “No (neither), but as Prince of the Lord’s host have I now come.” He goes on to have Joshua to remove his shoes for where he was standing was holy. This is found in Joshua 5:13-15.

This morning I was reflecting on yesterday. God opened a couple doors for our Restoration Ministries which gives us more freedom. In each occasion I just thanked Him right then and there in my heart. All I did was show up for He had already prepared the ones involved. This morning as I’ve been having my devotions I was once again reflecting on the differences of the starting phrase for this entry. Living in the Presence of Freedom without the weight of the past’s bondage is astounding. In this presence is the Prince who doesn’t join your team, He simply lets you know He is not for any man’s team–He is the Prince of the Lord’s host. You (I), We are being asked to lay down all our man made messages, weapons, thinking and begin to understand once and for all–The Prince of the Lord’s host is present and He will take care of the battle. God wants us doing His Kingdom Work letting His Prince fight the battle.

Today I felt as though I was invited to join a Spiritual Team I finally recognize. God seemed to say that He wants me along with all of His men working for the same cause: “Bringing His Son Jesus to those lost. The battles in so doing this are His to fight and His Prince will lead this. The bondage I use to carry is now a memory I can now use to show the lost this Light of Christ Jesus which will enlighten the path to great FREEDOM. How grateful I am to be part of God’s Team.

Yesterday I wrote about finding the difference between living in the “absence of” bondage verses “living in” the presence of freedom. As I finished my devotions and bible reading I started my journaling by going back to yesterday’s writing. I knew that what I’d written yesterday had a profound meaning I would lose quickly if I didn’t reinforce the message for several days. There are so many parallels about living today which directly connect to the biblical days we read. I know this is why God wants us to store His Word in our hearts. These lessons are critical. Take, for example, the Israelites left Egypt and the slavery they’d lived in for 400 years. Even though they were free from the slavery, and had the chance to move into the Promised Land only months later, fear kept them circling in the desert for 40 years until that generation of “fear responders” were dead.

I have lived in that desert of fear most of my adult years. God is wanting to move me into my years of freedom–not just having the absence of bondage and the reality of my past, but He wants me to know what living in the freedom of trust and belief are. Today, this morning I could begin to sense this, see this. I don’t fear this new reality like I use to. I remember telling God years ago that I’d follow Him but I wasn’t sure I could trust Him. This happened after I’d lived through my divorce. At that point in time the abuse of my childhood was an unknown secret to everyone except God and me and now I was divorced too. I WAS A LOSER. In all of these years since, God has been most patient replacing my fear with absolute TRUST and to replace Loser with Believer. With this more grounded, God is taking me into what living in freedom is all about. Now I step into these days with anticipation rather than fear.

The pool is clean and being filled. The weather is to warm into the high 80’s and low 90’s by the end of next week which will allow the water temp to climb. My younger two grandsons were out yesterday and were actually eager to help get the pool ready. Hayden and I had talked of taking the time we had to take the pool down so we’d never have to ready it again. However, the enthusiasm of the younger ones quickly destroyed our thinking!

This morning I finished Deuteronomy. Moses gave his last instructions to the Israelites which God had given to him. God then took him away to the mountain top where He showed Moses all the land which He’d prepared for possession by the people. He’d given insight to Moses about the future and how Israel needed to keep God in first place not replacing Him with the gods of the land they were to conquer. We all know what eventually happens however.

As I began to journal I was reflecting on the freedom God was about to give all the people of Israel. When I had written my book, the last part was “Finding Freedom”. In writing it God had begun to help me see what living without the bondage of my past was like. In the 3 years since finishing it I’ve also found a good deal more of this awakening. However, this morning I was realizing that my definition of freedom had all to do with living without the bondage of the past just as Israel wanted to live without the bondage of Egypt’s enslavement. God was helping me see that recognizing the absence of bondage is only the start of freedom. Freedom is far more than “absence of”. It is much more about “the presence of”.

Today is the first day of living in the presence of the King for me. I want to change my thinking so I live today in the presence of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit within me as well as around me. Even though this has been true, I’ve not given credible attention to all that this means about Freedom. I want to stay in this state of mind as I move forward today.

Today is swimming pool readiness day. I’m on my way in a few minutes to get my 15 year old grandson so he and I can get it cleaned and ready for summer’s use. If it weren’t for grandkids, this thing would be long gone! However, each day when they are in it kicking, screaming, laughing, and more, I’m glad we still have it. Besides, it brings them together too which is also an added blessing. More than anything, today allows my grandson and I to have a day for just us to be together.

Teen years are truly the ones of discovery. I appreciate the chance to just be present and let our relationship allow conversations to take place that wouldn’t otherwise. I always pray for God’s Spirit to lead the day. In fact, when I was journaling earlier and thanking God for this chance, He reminded me to stay in the day. I have such a constant habit of moving to the things of tomorrow while I’m in any day. However, God reminded me that today is important and I need to stay in this one enjoying and taking advantage of each minute we have together. As I reflect on my own teen years and where I was at the age of “almost 16” I cringe. Yes, I recall the abuse, but mostly I recall the lies I believed about myself without anyone to talk these through. During these years we develop beliefs which can be solid truth or solid lies. I want God to use my past as a tool in His Hands for times like this. One doesn’t need to believe the lies of Satan as I did for so long.

For a long time God has been wanting me to realize I am a new creation. What I have not been able to grasp until this spring is the reality that being a new creation is a Gift. There is absolutely nothing one does to earn it. It is given to us when we ask Christ Jesus into our hearts. Even though I’d done this part almost 58 years ago I just haven’t ever been able to see myself as a new creation. I’ve had all these distorted views of me which Celebrate Recovery calls character defects. I know I still have character defects, but those which kept me in bondage about my belief of who I am to God are gone. The class Mending the Soul which we finished the end of March helped me finally find the last roots of bondage from these defects.

Last night in taking a 60 day chip for living as a new creation, I told the group that this sounds vague–living as a new creation. However, it is crystal clear to me the difference between living as one or living in the bondage of the old self. I am so grateful for God’s faithfulness to me and to mankind all over the world. His promises are true. I truly want to continue on the path of helping others find what they don’t yet believe. God is the only One True God. I want to be a warrior for Him carrying this message to the lost and confused.

The gentleman I mentioned a couple posts ago who will come this fall as we kick off the new year for our restorative ministries and Celebrate Recovery, has written a book: Holy Sexuality and the Gospel. His name is Christopher Yuan. In it he reminds the reader that none of us are called to be sexual whether heterosexual or homosexual, we are instead called to be Holy. Those of us who have dealt with sexual sin are constantly tormented by Satan about our sexuality and its desires. However, God is reminding us He never created us to be haunted by sexuality. He wants us to focus on holiness which is what He DID create us so long ago to be.

A couple months ago I took a day one chip at Celebrate Recovery as I was ready to start living as a new creation. For my entire life I’ve lived to not be like dad or my brother never thinking I could ever measure up to live as a new creation. I had too much sin within me. God is changing all of that. I now believe I am a new creation just as Christ gave me the gift when I asked Him into my heart so many years ago. Tonight I will be taking a 60 day chip for living as a new creation. What I’ve realized is that living as a new creation doesn’t remove a sin nature we all have. It is the belief that even though we do have it, it is not who we are. We are a child of the King–a new creation because of the King–Christ Jesus. It has taken a lifetime to get to this place. I still have my moments where Satan wants me back in disbelief but glory be to God, I’m not living there anymore.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to spend a day with two lively grandkids in order to get a list of chores done which will take commitment and focus? Well, yesterday it happened and we were all done by mid-afternoon. Not, only was the work done, but we had a great time while doing it. I love how God orchestrates detail. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get several things on yesterday’s list done. The work of present and the ministry work of present wasn’t allowing the time I wanted for them to get done. But, in one day with their help–I’m caught up!

Last night we had the monthly meeting with the support group for family/friends with LGBTQ members. We had an assignment to do ahead of the session which everyone had done. However, as we got started I was asked for an update about our speaker in fall. After letting everyone know we are set with dates and workshops we never got to the assignment. The conversation lit upon needs brought into the room and the next thing we knew the 1.5 hr session was done. We all walked away lighter than when we entered.

Today I go to a district where the situation is sticky. Relationships are fine, but the work being done isn’t seemingly profiting students and their learning. So, we are going to take a focused look at this issue and see just why there isn’t any profit coming from the past year and actually, 2 years. I know God will lead and I’m a little curious to see how all of this will come together. I place my trust in Him!

Little by little the weight of several details are being whittled away. The year with the school district is coming to an end. I can even see the end of the work I have to do. This feels good, especially since they have done well this year. The other district I spend time in didn’t turn out so well. Tomorrow I meet with the superintendent so we can face some giants and create a plan to address them. Once again I will need to remember my role as a helper and not a controller.

Today, on the other hand, I am picking up two of my grandkids who are coming to earn money for summer camp. They will hang out with me and I have a full list of things we are going to get done. Most of it will not be too strenuous, but it will just be fun to have them with me. Kathy and I will help support their camp whether the help comes or not, but their mom insists they earn their keep and I do want to support that philosophy!

It is sad that we don’t learn very well from the lessons of someone else. We quite often have to have our own lesson in order to learn the consequences of life. I wish that weren’t true. However, all through the Bible I continue to read about God’s directions and man’s disobedience and choices to stray from these directions. God doesn’t choose to control us and I must remember He never asked me to control anyone either. I can’t stand in the way of consequences. If I do, I only am delaying the lesson to be learned which then God uses to focus someone back to Him.

I stand amazed, sometimes I kneel amazed. Today, this morning, I came to God heavy, but God removed the heavy so I could see Him once again as Amazing. I awoke in the middle of the night weighted with circumstances I dearly want to see differently for a couple of special people in my life. The weight of choices were killing my own spirit and I knew it would do the same for them if they didn’t head a different direction than they were. This morning as I brought this heaviness to God and asked what I was to do, He indicated to me that this heaviness wasn’t for me to carry even though I love the ones. If I carry it, they can’t know the consequences as He wants them to know. He wants me to help and helping in this case isn’t telling and doing for them. It is asking and only responding if I am asked to help. As I surrender this I realize the same God who orchestrates the entire universe easily orchestrates our circumstances, but, only if we let Him do so. If I step in and it isn’t helping, it actually interferes with what God would orchestrate. This I certainly don’t want to do.

It seemed when I was growing up I saw a lot of poor choices being made. I decided early in life I didn’t want to do this and suffer the consequences I saw them experience. Some of these poor choices also were the abusive actions which I lived through. All of this seemed to drive me to want to take control of everyone’s poor choices so they didn’t live this way. I can see now how a good idea o in man’s hands only is wrong. God can’t work with an individual if another individual keeps standing in the way. I’ve got to keep myself in the arena of “helping” not controlling. God isn’t done with me and I know He isn’t done with those I love either. Today I surrendered again–my will.