Living as a new creation doesn’t sound right.  Being a new creation is what I am and each one of us is.  Living as a new creation is what we do with “being”.  In the past week or so I’ve basked in the Light of living (being) a new creation.  So yesterday I found myself up against temptation.  It did its best to find entry.  I grappled with it and then walked away from it.  This morning in my devotions I recognized something I’m going to need to grow into.  

A week ago last Sunday I had this wonderful experience of God removing “unbelief” from me.  I could nicely see in my mind “The Holy Spirit” standing guard so this demon could not return.  Yesterday’s moment of temptation was a time of choice.  I found myself quickly processing choice from old thinking–the old creation ways which would usually lose.  God is teaching me to reach out to The Holy Spirit when this time comes.  He is The Gift Christ gave me and to each of us as we choose Jesus Christ as Lord of our lives.  I’d forgotten this yesterday at the “panic” moment of temptation.  I fought alone.  I am learning how to live in my new creation being.  Allowing The Holy Spirit to answer the door of temptation rather than me is the answer.  The deceiver awaits entrance and I never want him here again.  

In Mark where my scripture reading has me, Christ heals the woman who touched His garment which stopped her blood flow of 12 years.  Christ’s new creation blood healed her.  This happened because she believed, reached out and touched the hem of His garment.  The new creation does this–believes.  This is where I want to live the rest of my earthly life.

New creation living–Have you ever tried to put words to this?  Yesterday I spent the day working with the school district’s elementary site.  We are in the midst of completing a huge needs assessment, setting goals from it and then we will develop a budget for their grant.  All this has to be finished and submitted by Jan. 15, 2019.  The same is true for the Jr/Sr High School.  I’ll be with them tomorrow.  I write all of this because this is where I can become very dominant–taking charge.  However, I am not to be the one in charge or else the wrong work is getting done.  I am to be a light helping each site see what they need to do and then finding a path that has steps for which they can accomplish the work of helping kids learn at an achieveable pace keeping them at grade level.  It is so much easier to do the work and hand it to them and say, “Here is a good plan and so let me help you follow it.” 

I am seeing that a new creation seldom “tells”.  A new creation models and assists so the others involved can be fully engaged in the learning.  Always before when doing this work I’d be full of my own doubts thinking I’m doing this wrong, etc.  However, God is making it so much clearer that a new creation relying fully on His Holy Spirit’s leadership will see grappling as a part of learning.  I only shed light when the grappling is leading to darkness rather than to light. 

I am amazed at how God is making this happen.  Tonight this new creation is walking into our recovery class.  I’ll be facing the same chapter regarding “The Abuser”.  Last week was grueling but this time I’m going to walking in with a new mind set.  I am going to take the grappling and watch for The Holy Spirit’s Light.  If I don’t see it tonight I know He will eventually show it to me when I’m ready for it.  The old creation had a way of labeling me “a loser”.  I’m a young new creation, but I have a fully equipped Holy Spirit within me I will lean upon. 

So, I’ve tried to put into words–living in “the new creation” for one day.  Today is day two.  To God be the Glory, great things He has done.  Today I believe that great things will be done. 

As I begin today’s entry I am awakened to something from the past many days.  God has been revealing to me as I’ve read through Matthew how little man actually commits to Him.  Man for the most part only commits what he is desperately needing help with.  The rest of life we keep for ourselves to manage.  God is showing me He wants me committed in all of my life.  However, this piece isn’t the revelation of the morning.  The actual revelation is that I am a new creation.  God is now teaching me what living as a new creation is all about. 

I’ve not had this conversation per se with anyone, but I would imagine if I did most of us would admit we spend our life after accepting Christ into our hearts, living as best we can for Him.  The idea we are actually a new creation is great, but the reality of it stays more in “the great idea” arena.  God is not wanting me living there in this great idea arena.  If I am a new creation, I am to live as though I am.  This living as one is all about believing I am one.  Today I am going to intentionally live as a new creation which will mean I believe it. 

It has been a week and a day since God removed from me the demon named “unbelief”.  God even said The Holy Spirit would plant the seeds of belief in me (the new garden called the new creation).  I haven’t discredited this at all, but today God is wanting me to not just think this is nice, but to TRUST this as I live each day.  I’m also recalling God told me the fruit from the seeds of BELIEF are Trust while the fruit of the unbelief, I’ve lived with forever, are doubt.  The last piece God is wanting me to know about the new creation for today is that this new person gives thanks to Him ahead of even seeing any fruit developing.  The new creation knows it will happen because it is all about the seeds planted in him.  I am no longer living on my own strength, but on the strength within me from The Holy Spirit.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Today’s bible reading was Matthew 26.  I don’t usually stop with one chapter of reading, but in this chapter there was much I needed to read and reflect upon.  In this chapter Peter is being challenged by the message Christ gave him about his denial of Christ and the rooster crowing.  I’ve read and heard this so many times I have not a clue how many.  However, in reading it this morning following the day to day messages of my current walk with God, the chapter took on an entirely different meaning. 

Christ had told Peter and all the disciples about his crucifixion forthcoming and the need for this to come about once and for all.  He had also told them about the Gift He would be giving to each of them and to each of the followers from that point forward.  However, this message was all information which hadn’t become tangible.  When Peter saw Christ arrested, tormented, beaten and He did nothing, then where was this power He had?  Was He for real?  

For over two years now God has had me journaling to Him.  During this time He has not only proven Himself over and over to me as a Loving God, Promise Keeper, Kind Father and Almighty God, He has wanted me to turn my trust over to His counter-parts:  Christ and The Holy Spirit.  Christ seemed so helpless when He was crucified.  The Holy Spirit seemed so helpless when He was “living in me” and just remained silent.  I wonder if Peter was pondering all this helplessness that one night over 2,000 years ago? 

I do know all of this with Christ was fulfilling a much greater purpose, but at the moment of crisis in each of our lives, Christ often asks us to TRUST the plan we cannot see at the moment.  This morning I know God is asking me to now trust all of these characteristics of Himself to be as real and alive within His Son and His Holy Spirit.  When I hear God’s voice within it is The Holy Spirit.  When I feel the nudge it is The Holy Spirit.  Today my message was to join The Holy Spirit rather than asking Him to join me.  If I obey this message I will respond to His voice and nudges rather than asking Him to respond to mine.  In so doing, I am trusting there is no mistake in God’s Leading of my life.  I want to be one who leaves a legacy of Trust for these kids and grandkids of mine.  I want to choose to live in obedience and no other way.

Thanksgiving is behind us, Thanksgiving evening shopping is behind us, Black Friday shopping is behind us.  Yes, we were active participants in all of this.  After the delicious dinner with family and friends the grandkids and adults got the ads together and made their Christmas lists.  Actually, my 2nd oldest grandson and I were able to complete everyone of the boys’ lists by early afternoon yesterday.  It is a good feeling knowng we got all of it done and all of it is within the “budget”!  Not sure how the girls did.  Kathy takes the girls and their lists while I take the boys and their lists.  There are six granddaughters and six grandsons so it is evenly split.

This morning I feel like I’m back on planet Earth once again.  As I was having my devotions I found myself being confronted with a message from the Blackaby’s devotional I use.  The message was saying God cannot use a double life (or doesn’t use one).  If one is saying they are “alive unto God–living for Him” but secretly living for self with private sins, etc., God will not profit their work.  We have to be sold out to God and all He puts before us if we are to truly see His Work come to life through the talents and capabilities He gives us. 

This message brought me right back to the recovery class I’ve journaled about many times of late.  It is so easy to “leave good enough alone” for one’s selfish reasons (sometimes fears).  This would be privately sinning when God is asking you to step out in Faith to live a freedom one doesn’t know as of yet.  He is challenging me to do this more than I have.  I think back three years ago when my book was just coming out and I thought my freedom was complete.  Now I can see where I need to take further steps.  Once I can see them I must either take the step and obey God’s leading or “call it good”.  I don’t want that to happen.  I want God’s work to flourish in my life and in any life my own testimony touches.  God is so patient, but He is also quite relentless!

Happy Thanksgiving!  I don’t know of any other holiday where we sit down to simply give thanks for God’s abundance which is shared.  Our heritage is all about giving thanks for the ones we call native Americans sharing their abundance with us invaders so we could keep from starving.  We need to not lose sight of this.  This sharing is all about what God is wanting us to do with our abundance today whether it is a physical abundance or a spiritual abundance.  God doesn’t want us keeping to ourselves what He has given to us. 

Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving Everyone!

Living as a new creation is a lot like living as the old creation from the human standpoint.  I still look the same.  I still laugh the same and over the same things.  There are many of these details which look similar, so much so that I really doubt that man notices.  However, what is strikingly different for me is a peace within me.  I am not left with a need to flee when things go wrong or I hear about someone else’s tragedy. 

Last night in our recovery class the counselor who is with us every other week touched base with the groups and spent most of his time in ours.  We were tackling the first part of the chapter addressing “The Abuser”.  We didn’t get very far into it as there was much to share from the men in the group.  The counselor was sitting by me and he shared somethings regarding some responses he heard which brought about some real tension for me.  These were things like:  intimacy, physical touch, cuddling, and more.  I found myself needing to move a little farther away from him.  He even said his love language is physical touch.  After class he asked me if I’d had PTSD therapy and I told him yes, for two years.  He said that maybe since we are now into new territory I might want to consider readdressing some of these old wounds which may still have lingering holds on me.  I wasn’t wanting to hear that.  I’d like to think those days are behind me.  However, this morning I do know that either the tension of last night will dissipate in the days ahead or they will continue.  If they do continue I will know I still need help.  As God brings these things forward in my “new creation” there shouldn’t be fears of the past gripping me and staying that way.  I do know I will be open to this if this is the case. 

God is so good and so patient.  Learning to be patient with myself is a new area too.  Instead of going into denial about these feelings, I want to let them play themselves out.  It is then I will know.  God is good all the time–All the time God is good!

God is such an AMAZING GOD.  I know I look the same and probably act exactly the same, but I truly feel so differently inside.  I simply had no idea the grip “unbelief” had on me. My whole life I’ve wondered what it was like for people who had the Holy Spirit living in them and they actually knew it?  I’ve privately struggled all my life with this dilemma–I am given the Holy Spirit when Christ came into my life, but where is this Holy Spirit when I’ve needed Him?  Now I know beyond a shadow of doubt that He is right where Christ said He’d be–in my heart.  

The emotional pain of my past which has kept me from stepping into the discovery of BELIEF is now gone.  What is even more amazing is what it is replaced with.  VISION–I CAN SEE!  I can see what believing looks like because it is not something intangible any longer for me–it is a reality within me.  This Holy Spirit I’ve longed for, prayed for, begged for, journaled to, is within me.  Today I see Him within me.  What has been set free for me is my spiritual vision.  Notice the root word of spiritual–SPIRIT.  This is what I’ve not known.  This demon of unbelief is one of flesh keeping our human eyes only on what has been true for us in the flesh.  Yes, I was abused by dad and Rich, neglected by my mom.  Yes, I was called many names when I was growing up which I had come to believe were true for me.  Yes, I had much sexual damage done to me which I had believed I only deserved.  BUT, now this belief is gone.  The damage to flesh is healed and I can see the truth in the scripture that God’s Spirit lives within me for I can see Him.  

This morning in my scripture reading of Matthew 14:27-32 you find Christ coming to the disciples who were in their boat struggling with the strong waves.  Jesus was walking on the water to them.  Peter had said if that were Him to command him to come to Him on the water.  Christ had said come so Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water….  But when he perceived the strong wind he panicked and began to sink.  He cried out to Jesus so Jesus reached out His hand and saved him.  Christ’s words to Peter at the time were:  “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”  

I have doubted all my life knowing I have not been worthy of this precious Gift–The Holy Spirit.  Yet, today I now know and believe I am worthy and it is because Jesus Christ has cleansed me and made me whole.  This garden called Earnie is fertile and rich and The Holy Spirit is planting things like the seeds of faith.  He has removed the demon of unbelief and I will praise Him forever for this!

Yesterday I wrote about the unbelief which God removed from the garden of me.  There were some other details about this I didn’t put into yesterday’s blog.  Even though they happened, it seemed somewhat bizarre so I didn’t want to make anyone think I’ve gone crazy. The only person I shared this with yesterday was the lady who is my prayer warrior.  She said that demon possession is not talked about in our country, but it is very real.  Satan only camouflages it so “sophisticated folks” like us won’t believe we have anything to do with such nonsense.  Get away from the US and one can see it being practiced all around.  

This morning I asked God what He was wanting me to do with this new garden?  I didn’t know if I should talk about it or not.  He said yesterday He had removed a demon from me which I knew he had for I heard him and felt him leave.  This demon’s name is “unbelief”. This is the part I didn’t want to talk about.  I knew it was real but it also sounds bizarre.  God was clear in stating this morning that in removing unbelief, The Holy Spirit is now planting “belief” in my garden.  One of the fruits of belief is TRUST.  My questioning of telling others is the lingering result of so much unbelief.  God even asked, “How will others here know if you don’t tell?” As I grow in my belief I will trust more and more to simply do what God asks of me.  I can be free to let Him do what He wants to do once I’ve done my part.  So this is why I am putting all of this in today’s blog. 

It has taken years for me to come to this place of believing all we know about God and His Mighty Works.  That all of this is entirely true for me–not just you.  If you struggle with this as I have, try giving God the opportunity to work with you in it.  God’s word says that Faith the size of a mustard seed will remove a mountain.  I must say, God has removed a mountain range that has blocked my view of His Vast Kingdom and Strength.  My eyes are still trying adjust to taking all of this in.  I do know that I have a lifetime followed by an eternity to grasp it.  Thank you Father God! 

This morning has already been incredibly enlightening.  As I’ve been writing about this of late, God has been fully addressing my need for release from the bondage of my abusive past. This morning God gave me some new insights which hit home. 

In my reading of Matthew, Christ is now doing much healing.  This is right before he identifies his disciples.  Joyce Meyer writes a note in one passage stating God sent His Son to be the one to bring freedom from sin for each of us.  In the footnote she states that after Christ did His work on the cross, he gave us The Holy Spirit.  None of this is new information but always good to read again.  Then she said The Holy Spirit is like a gardener.  It is His role to prepare the garden for a rich harvest.  This is now what began to hit me.  Let me explain.

This past summer I had a bacteria get into my soil which was killing my beans.  I also had an infestation of voles which were very annoying eating portions of vegetables as they’d mature.  I spent hours working to rid my garden of them.  Finally I had to give up on the bean crop.  I was told what I needed to do to eradicate my garden from the bacteria and I’ve now taken these steps.  There’s one more I need to do in the spring which I’ll do at that point.  As I was thinking about this and tying it to the fact the Holy Spirit is my gardener and I am the garden, I could see just what He’s been attempting to do in my life through so many steps He’s had me take over the past 10+ years.  The most recent is this Abuse class.  

I’ve had a bacteria in my garden called “unbelief”.  No matter what anyone told me, I still wasn’t good enough.  This morning The Gardener said it was time to remove this taproot from me.  He said it was getting in the way of living in today, for unbelief continues to bring your past into the picture which only poisons the fruit of today.  So, I let Him take it.  I know there will likely be steps He will need to take just as I will need to do more to keep this bacteria at bay.  However, for the first time this morning I saw a Light shining in this garden of mine.  I may not be good enough, but the truth is that God is Good Enough and He is the One who makes me so for His Holy Spirit lives within me.  I stand in this truth now.