If someone were to ask me who the most important women in my life today are, I’d say my wife Kathy and my sis Bonnie.  It is difficult to place a priority here because I also have 3 daughters who stand in line neck to neck with them.  However, there is something powerfully important taking place with these two women today.  Today my wife gives her testimony for the first time to our Celebrate Recovery group.  In all our years of participating in this ministry she has not taken this step, however, today is her day.  I’m so proud of her!

On a very different note, this afternoon my sis Bonnie is having tests done to help the doctors determine some critical reasons her health is declining as it is.  In a matter of a few months she has been diagnosed with heart failure and there are other lingering issues the doctors can’t seem to call by name and treat properly.  The treatments being done complicate other physical concerns.  Being almost a thousand miles away, I want to simply drive down there and stay until she is “fine” again.

As I was praying for them just minutes ago, God reminded me that these two ladies are His first, not mine first.  He appreciates my love and support for them but He doesn’t need me trying to do His Work–He is very good at being God!  This reminder was all I needed to reestablish my trust in Him.  I would ask that readers of this would lift Bonnie up to the healing touch of God this afternoon and to lift Kathy tonight as she shares her story to our body of attenders.  God wants us to tell our story to strengthen others struggling so they know God hasn’t forgotten them and loves them unconditionally just as He has proven over and over to us who give our story.

I have my own day of training for the consulting work I do.  God told me to go do what He has me doing and He will take care of what He does.  I do TRUST HIM and I love these two ladies.  Today is an important day in my journey.  I’m so glad God my Father is in charge.

God is so faithful.  As I obeyed Him yesterday addressing the one item I had been fearful to address.  It was accepted as though there was nothing else to do but it.  It was such a clear example of me still believing that old man voice inside my head.  All day long I felt like a ton had been lifted from me.  It is amazing what a single step of obedience can do.  Tonight I am to address the second step made clear to me yesterday morning.

As I was reading this morning in I Samuel 18:5 David is prospering under Saul’s kingship.  It says he behaved wisely.  He has already been anointed king of Israel by Samuel, but his time to assume that role has not yet arrived.  Saul grows more and more envious of David and tries more than once to kill him.  Joyce Meyers writes something that truly resonated aligning with this scripture.  She says God gives us times of trial that allows us to grow in character with Him.  If God has anointed us to leadership, He prepares us allowing someone who is like sandpaper to us.  It is amazing to read this.

When I was in my third year of teaching many years ago I was given a teammate who was the most awful example of a “caring teacher” I’ve ever witnessed since that year.  I had two fantastic teaching partners my first two years and they had taught me so much about the art of teaching.  This new partner threw mud right into the face of the art.  I have used examples of her behaviors so many times in the consulting work I now do.  I had never thought that God provided an intense learning opportunity for me that year.  I’ve always called it my nemesis year.  All those years ago God was allowing me to learn what the opposite of the art of teaching looked like so I could help others know what to do and what not to do.  Even in my secular work God is very present.  I can see that more clearly  now.  Thank you Father!

Yesterday was a most insightful day.  As I got to church early for choir warm-up I knew immediately the song we were singing was going to be sung for the man I met with Saturday.  It was titled, “Even in the Valley”.  I texted him just to let him know God was going to minister to him this morning.  It wasn’t until I was headed home that I saw I had 6 texts from him which had come during church.  When I got to my house I read them to find he hadn’t come.  Things had worsened.  The details are many but the results were in God’s control just as they are when one is staying obedient to Him.  In not coming to church this man came face to face with his uncle.  This one relative heard all that was taking place.  Instead of chastising, this uncle said, “I love you.  Feel free to talk to me anytime you want.  I won’t judge anyone, but I will be here for you.”  God is amazing this way.

As I was having my devotional time I read in I Samuel where the Spirit left Saul and God told Samuel to anoint Jesse’s son who turned out to be David.  When Samuel did anoint him with oil, the scripture says God’s Spirit came upon him.  As I was journaling later I wrote that I’d really like it if God would make His Spirit that alive in me.  As I was writing it I was checked because I instantly realized once again that the Spirit lives in me because of my accepting Christ in my heart.  Yet, I don’t sense His leading as I would like.  As soon as this was on paper God reminded me that the Spirit is in me for the purpose of obedience.  There are a couple things God has been wanting me to take action on and I keep making excuses for not doing so.  In my eyes if I do take action it will have the people thinking I want things just about me.  (I have this constant voice screaming in my head which I know comes from my childhood.  I can do all I want to help others obey, but if I do it, it is always about conceit on my part–the voice in my head says.)  So, today I will complete the one and the other one I can complete tomorrow as the right people will be together.  My whole body tenses as I type this, but I know God is wanting my obedience.  It is all for very good reasons, but doing something just for me is only judged as selfish the voice says.  It is time to obey God’s voice and not the old man voice within.

God’s patience with us is amazing.  I look forward to stepping into obedience and getting to the other side of it relating to these two items.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”  Psalm 46:10.  Yesterday I had the time with my friend who needed to talk.  So much came out that needed to be verbalized.  He kept apologizing for the randomness of all that was said.  I kept reminding him that emotions are not orderly so don’t expect to tell them in any order.  Just tell.  By the time we were done he was feeling much better and he seemed to know what he was to do next.  I won’t go into all of this for it is his story.  He needed to know that God is God.  He needed to know how to be still before God in this trial.

Yesterday was a beautiful day.  I got my lawn mowed and then even had time for a brief nap.  I found myself feeling very despondent.  I couldn’t seem to shake it either.  There was some of my own emotions tied to it I knew.  It was as though all the questions and struggles God had me hearing from my friend were now my own.  So much of this person’s past resembles my own.  I was struggling to not believe old thoughts as true for me.  This didn’t improve throughout the evening either.

As I began my devotions this morning I confessed this.  God began to show me the importance of the scripture I started with.  One of the meanings of “be still” is quit fighting.  All my life “I” have fought these feelings.  God is showing me that HE is God and if I try to fight this I am attempting to make me god.  Instead of waiting upon God to give His Light, I just want to do away with the problem/s. I act impulsively and usually make things worse.  Then, Satan has won again.  These are tough lessons to learn, but I don’t want to any longer be a victim.  Instead, I want to be a victor.  As I write this I see that victim ends in IM while victor ends with OR.  I don’t want to be focused on I AM, but choose the OR and be a victor.  So, I surrendered these feelings as a lie.  I’m letting God fight the battle I cannot win, for He has already won this through His Son–Jesus Christ!

Our God is One Amazing God.  The move for the friend took a few more hours than expected yesterday.  It will finish today and there will be more helping.  Only two of us could come yesterday but thankfully it was two men.  We were able to move all the heavy pieces and get them into storage.  Today will finish all the rest which will be a huge relief for the one moving.  She is a single gal needing to get out of her present living arrangement.

Yesterday I wrote about God telling me to be still and He said it twice in a row emphasizing its significance for me to pay attention to the message.  As the day went along I had lost track of the message.  One of our Celebrate Recovery guys text in the middle of the afternoon regarding some struggles he is encountering.  These are ones he has only shared with his wife and me but triggered by some huge childhood abuse issues.  They were upon him again.  He sent this message while I was driving to the storage unit so I saw it but didn’t read it until I arrived to the unit.  I did a quick read and made a quick response.  Once we were all finished and I was driving to a store to do an errand before heading home I reread his text.  In it he had said he might need to meet with me which I’d missed completely in the first read.  When I got home I text him saying I was open most of today if he wanted to get together.  His response was immediate and he thanked me for being so sensitive.  I have a quartet practice for a couple hours first thing this morning and he is coming right after that.  I’ll tell you that God is the One who is sensitive.  He was the One who told me to “be still”–twice.  I had even written that I could listen better if I am still.  Well, God sure used this opportunity to show me the significance of listening while I read and respond.  I get overly involved in what I’m doing and when an interruption comes I see it as an interruption.  God wanted me to see it as His message and to be still and listen.

In my past God has always had a friend, often my wife Kathy, who has been right there when I needed to unload.  God was wanting me to be this friend–being right there when He opens the door.  I sure don’t want to not be listening and not be available.  Being still is an art form I am going to want to spend more time allowing God to mold me into.

Yesterday was an interesting day.  Kathy and I were heading to the hospital in Boise where she was having an angiogram done to rule out any blockage that may be causing some pains she’s been having.  (They weren’t from me!) I was somehow so totally at peace about all of this that I’d not even considered any report except she’s ok.  Well, as it turned out, that is exactly what the report was.  The cardiologist prescribed a med which she said will relax the arteries around the heart.  Sometimes they can spasm causing what seems to be heart issues.  We were glad to hear all of this.  It wasn’t until I was in the hospital that I began to realize how serious these tests were–it is all about the heart.  Fortunate for me I am physically very healthy.  The down side is that I hadn’t considered the seriousness of what was before us.  Being in the area of the hospital where I saw so much anxiety from others who were waiting for their reports I began to realize I was there with them for the same.  I’m grateful all was good, but I felt rather ill prepared for what could have been.  It was all just a good wake up for me to step out of denial when things like this are upon us.

Today doesn’t have too much going.  I’m helping a friend move and that is about it.  My mind wants to organize a list but this morning God told me to “be still”.  In fact, He said it twice–one right after the other.  So, instead of creating a list of things, I’m writing this working on being still, relaxed about having time.  I know there are things to do but I don’t have to put a tight structure around them.  I think I could be a better listener if I am still.  I think God is up to something.

Well, God did a significant number last night in bringing some clarity to a lesson called Grace.  I mentioned yesterday I was teaching this lesson for our Celebrate Recovery group last night.  Before teaching the lesson we sang in worship the song: “Lead Me to the Cross.”  In the chorus of it the words tell us about the grace God gives from Christ going to the cross.  As the chorus ends the words tell how Christ leads us to the cross so we too can give love/grace.  This song is teaching the same message as the lesson.  I told the group I’d always seen Grace as something God does in giving it to us.  The lesson’s purpose is to connect grace with our making amends.  When we do amends with ones we have hurt in our past we offer them grace without expecting anything in return.  God gives us grace even while we are still sinning.  This kind of love is what He wants us to offer when we offer amends.

Harder than all of this is that I CANNOT do anything to earn or achieve the worthiness of grace.  Oh how I’ve tried!  I’m finally to the point where I don’t automatically step into work of the day hoping it will be worthy of God’s expectation. This action of mine has been in my subconscious all of my life.  I’ve never achieved it, but I’ve always had hope I’d get there someday.  Well, I’m finally to the place where this truth is sinking in.

Now I want to tie this morning’s bible reading into this new clarity.  I was reading Ruth.  In it we know that Ruth accompanied Naomi back to her homeland after Naomi’s husband and two sons die. Ruth goes with her and the other daughter-in-law stays in her homeland.  As Naomi gets to her own people they greet her by name and she tells them to change her name to one meaning bitterness.  God has been harsh to her and her life has become one of bitterness.  Joyce Meyers, at this point, has a footnote in the text explaining the work of bitterness in our lives.  Bitterness has deep roots in us.  When we let them grow by not addressing them Satan will use them to entangle us.  We begin to develop all kinds of character defects/beliefs which are not true.  One of these character defects is sense of worthiness.  Bitterness breeds self-defeat.  I write this because I’ve spent my life battling this and working to find worthiness.  God has tried to give me grace but I hadn’t ever accepted it as a gift for in my eyes I wasn’t worthy of it.  I HAD to earn it for the sake of worthiness.  All of this became abundantly clear today.

I thank God for having me teach last night’s lesson, having our worship leader choose the song he did, and having me read Ruth this morning.  God is faithful to the end.  I want to be this kind of person for Him too.  How Great our God is!

I don’t know if this is the “peace in the midst of the storm” or if it is simply peace.  I don’t often get up sensing peace, yet this morning I do.  I’m going to a half day training in another hour and then have an afternoon and evening committed to recovery work.  Usually my mind is preoccupied with details.  However, today is one of those anomalies.  I’m just going to trust in God.  When I asked God what He wanted me to know for today He simply said to know He is in all things.  Obey Him when I sense His nudging.  This I will do.

Tonight I am teaching the Celebrate Recovery lesson on Grace.  It is an amazing lesson to learn.  Grace is not built on our works.  It is built on God’s nature.  Satan has done a hazardous work convincing man he needs to “be” and “do” in order to deserve God’s Grace.  I believed this for years.  God is showing me over and over how His Grace is a Gift for me to receive.  My nature hardly knows how to simply accept it, yet this is what I want to learn and help others in the process to do the same.  God’s Grace is amazing just as He Is Amazing.

Much of yesterday went as planned.  I went out and spent a couple hours pruning the raspberry  patch for my sis.  Eventually she came out as I had told her I didn’t need her help getting it done.  I don’t mind if someone is with me, but I love working in the outdoors alone.  We cleaned the pruning and then repaired the high fence she has around the patch.  The deer love to get into any garden or flower bed and eat the young morsels there.  This fence is about 12 feet tall and had partially fallen in one corner.  We were able to get it repaired in spite of my limited carpenter skills.  What we needed most was a 16 ft 2×4.  A neighbor had one which was a 2×6 and we said, “close enough!”  We got it repaired.

The rest of the day was spent moving some patio furniture and cleaning flower beds which are mostly empty except grass and weeds.  Any flowers one plants are destroyed by the deer so Mary has given up with trying to plant something the deer won’t eat.  By 3:00 pm I was done and relaxed finishing the book I Can Only Imagine.  I had read most of it before coming but wanted to see how it ended.  I had also seen the movie a month or so ago.  I like to know the story a movie doesn’t tell, especially one like this one.  The move is excellent, but the book tells the details one like me wants to know.  When one lives through abuse as a child, one knows God can be found and is present, but to an onlooker, it isn’t often the same as in a normal upbringing.  The book brings out these details and that is what I wanted to know.

God always proves Himself faithful.  God’s gift to mankind of choice is often used to hurt and harm due to man’s selfish nature.  However, God’s way of escape is there if we faithfully stay with Him and not lose hope.  He does provide this in life.  I will always love this about Him.  Counseling and therapy is often tied to this way out and if it is needed, never let our pride stand in the way of getting it.  I’m living proof of it.

The day topped off with Mary fixing her famous wiener wraps.  Afterwards we watched “The Sound of Music” with popcorn!  A day couldn’t have ended nicer!

Today is Memorial Day.  We drove to Oregon yesterday after church to spend a couple days with Kathy’s sister in Joseph.  As we passed through Wallowa we took the back road and went by the cemetery where her parents and a host of relatives are buried.  It’s a pristine setting but it always leaves me with a sense of emptiness.  I don’t like to revisit thoughts of ones I’ve loved.  It is easier to simply bypass them and stay focused on the day’s events whatever they are.  However, God wants me to never let go of the truth that no relationship is to be treasured as the one with Him.  His promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us is absolutely true.  It has taken me many therapy and counseling sessions to find this truth, but now that I have it I sure want to help others who struggle to know this about Him.  I  never did get to have the relationship with my dad and mom I always hoped to have.  However, God has brought peace to replace the anguish I use to carry.  I praise Him for this.

My selfish incentive to come to Joseph is I get to prune my sis-in-law’s raspberry patch.  I’ve already scoped it out and it won’t take long.  There are probably other yard chores I can help with.  Sometimes it is nice to simply be away for a moment to regain a perspective we didn’t know we had lost.  God was reminding me of this when I asked Him what He wanted me to know for today?  He is virtually in everything and has created all we see.  This lovely country of Wallowa Oregon is a perfect example of His created beauty.  I forget the effects of it on me when I’ve been away for a year.  I just want to say, “Thank you God for having us take a moment to reawaken to the majesty of your handiwork!”