I am amazed always by the work of Jesus. All of my life I’ve wanted to be “better than” my dad and my brother. So, little did I know that with this internal drive I was allowing them to be my measurement for being “good”. God sent His Son Jesus to be our example. I knew this, but in my mind I seldom looked to this example. In my recent awakening to being “a new creation” I am finding myself awakening so much more to my own flesh and its weakness. When my flesh was weak before this time of awakening I would look to dad and tell myself that at least I wasn’t like him. I would likewise look at my brother’s life and tell myself the same.

God is wanting me to mature in this area of being a new creation. I am finding that when Paul, in the New Testament, praised God for his weakness because it was only then that he could be strong, this is what God is wanting me to see about myself. My measurement for living was never to be like dad or my brother, but it was to always to be like Jesus Christ. God even gave me The Holy Spirit within to help me with this.

This morning as I continue my reading in the devotional, it’s title was “Teaching and Learning”. Its message was all about what God has been showing me. Secondly, the message of Ecclesiastics is also about what Solomon was learning about himself and God. In Solomon’s old age he saw the frailty of man and his abilities–most of which are driven by pride and selfishness. Our flesh is never satisfied. However, in Christ Jesus, there is continuous purpose, hope and gratification in doing God’s Will. I don’t like being shown this “flesh of myself”. However, as I now see it I don’t want to be owned by it and its falseness. The teaching God is doing and the learning I am gleaning is where I want to stay.

This morning I began reading Ecclesiastes. If you’re familiar with this little book you know that Solomon wrote it towards the end of his life. God had given to Solomon the gift of wisdom. Solomon was also the author of Proverbs where much of his wisdom is recorded for man’s day to day use. I found however as I began reading Ecclesiastes today that Solomon and I have come to a similar conclusion.

I’m not trying to place myself in the category of wisdom like Solomon, so let me explain. Last Friday when I was attending the day of training for those of us who do the consulting work, I spoke with another one of us for which I have a lot of respect. She had told me a few months back that she was going to quit this work in another year or so. This time I was talking to her about my desires to stay with the work until the work had seemed to begin taking root and showed evidence of “not needing me anymore”. When I had retired 11 years ago this was my internal goal (drive). This morning Solomon is saying that in all of his life he had discovered all there was to know and do as a man. Yet, now that he was nearing the end of life he was finding that this had little effect, if any, on the future of the next generation. This is exactly what I’m finding now that I’m nearing the end of my professional work. No matter how solid one may think their ideas are, they are still up to the next person to agree and follow it. Man has his own choice and this is true in every aspect of our lives. When my father died I remember saying that with his death went all of his knowledge about mechanics, carpentry, and other aspects for which he was very wise. I had few of them in these areas and had always wanted to glean more even though in all of my previous efforts it hadn’t happened.

Ecclesiastes is a book of reality. The hope of new life, new generation, the promises of God’s Word are all true but they are true one person at a time. I’m realizing it is most important to help each individual I encounter and those who want to grow. I still have this year and next to finish this, but I’m likely to stop thinking this profession of education will grow into a sustainable model of excellence! At some point I will walk away and be glad I was able to be in it as long as I have been. And for this, I will praise God!

Hallelujah it is a day to be home! It seems funny to enjoy a day when I can mow the lawn, clean the garden, dig potatoes and onions, pick tomatoes, gather the squash, all of which is part of fall.

In my scripture reading, last few chapters of Proverbs, I love the power given to God’s Word. In it is added that man can never try to add to God’s Word without consequence. God’s Word is complete and stands alone without any of man’s help. God’s Word is WISDOM. When I sometimes struggle with it, it is not my place to try and put my own words to it. Instead, I need to stay with the mystery of it until God reveals the truth of what I’m missing.

God wants me and each of us to be a complete follower of His Son Jesus. It takes complete surrender to be the person Proverbs outlines. Jesus is our example. I want to keep Him first and foremost in the front of my day and throughout it.

I am so glad it is Friday. I have a day of training today and at the end of it I meet with the new superintendent I’ve begun to do some work with. By the time I get home tonight I want to enjoy a time of just resting. This week has been one not necessarily feeling like “I’m retired!”

I loved what my devotional reading and scripture reading had to say this morning. When I have a week like this one filled with deeper, unspoken issues of man which trouble the soul, I begin to look too closely at man and see the future built around man and his behaviors. Then I pick up today’s devotional and read about God Almighty and This Almighty Son of His. On top of that I continue to read about This Almighty Holy Spirit which lives right in us–within you and me. I then am reminded that God’s Ways are not mans’ ways and the outcome of mans’ ways is only an indication of man. Yes, each of mans’ ways will impact eternity, but God knows all of this and works with all of it.

I truly needed today to be reminded that God is not only sovereign, but He is Almighty. If I keep my eyes on Him, His Son Jesus and listen closely to The Holy Spirit’s nudges within me, I won’t allow mans’ ways to take me down. God’s Ways lift us up. Satan is the one who wants us down. I choose to look up and keep focused on this Magnificent God we get to serve!

Why do I worry or fret? The situation of yesterday went remarkably well. In fact, I was able to complete more worthwhile work than in almost any day I’ve gone to this school. I’m praying for the details I cannot disclose, but I know God is working to make all things good. He is our Amazing God!

I wrote about journaling ahead of scripture/devotional reading a few days ago. I continue to do this and the outcome of it is very enlightening. I love reading my devotional and Bible with a purpose in mind that is both meaningful and freeing. It seems each day when I journal I can see clearly what I’m needing to either address in the day or let go of because it is not mine to address. As I read the Bible and the devotional I am able to glean insight for the day. In so doing I can let it go or glean knowledge for addressing it. In yesterday’s case with my worry about the school’s state and what my presence would mean, I was able to let it go trusting God’s insights would be known as I arrived. While I was driving to the district I had a couple thoughts enter my mind which I knew were from God. I acted on them as I arrived and the day was great.

I do appreciate so much building a closer walk/relationship with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. My devotional today said that as our faith grows so does the Power of The Holy Spirit within us. This is the same Power which raised Jesus from the grave conquering the grip of sin and opening the way for each of us to come before God ourselves. It is here for us as we act on the faith which is growing within.

Today I step into an unknown. I wrote about this yesterday. The unknown of yesterday I needed to step into was nicely addressed and defined. Today, however, I’m finding myself needing to step into an unknown where the unknown is bigger. I’ll need to step into it and then simply do whatever seems best. It will be up to me to determine the actions I take. As I write this I hear this voice in my head reminding me that my job is to step into the unknown. There is no unknown to Jesus. He wants me to be obedient and to trust Him to guide me rather than trust my own judgment. I’m needing this reminder. Jesus is so good at being present in the midst of unknowns. My flesh keeps me on the edge of worry when Jesus says to Trust at these times.

As I was journaling earlier this morning I wrote out what I’m anxious about for today. My flesh is screaming at me. I don’t want to go into this district and make a mess where a mess is already present. Once again, Jesus is asking that I simply go and be present. He will be the One who will give insight as to steps to be taken while I’m there today. Jesus is asking for me to Trust. I am seeing first hand that Trust is not something I can say I will do and it will easily take place for the day. I need to keep reminding my flesh that Jesus is the One I trust, not my fleshly fears.

I said yesterday I liked this journaling when I first got up. Well, that was true for yesterday. Today, as I started, I found myself writing all of these troubling items on my mind. I asked Jesus if He minded me complaining so much? What I’m finding from this idea of journaling at the start of the day is what my day would be like if I weren’t taking the time to seek God in it. Boy, would I be in trouble. I see that unknowns make me anxious. The next three days have many unknowns in them. The work I’m doing with the districts/schools is shifting and in so doing, I don’t know how I’ll fit. I just know I’m to be there. Being present without assignments leaves me feeling incompetent. However, now that I am journaling this and writing it here I can see that God is simply wanting me to not let my emotions drive my day. I can recognize them for what they are and then go into the day He has prepared for me knowing He is all powerful. Where He has asked me to go is where He wants to use me.

I use to stuff all of this anxiety during my devotional times instead of recognizing them. Yes, I would admit them at times but in so doing, I’d still not release them very well. God is wanting me to release them to Him fully and knowingly go into the day with the confidence that it is His Power, His Spirit that will help me do whatever part He wants done for the time present. The Proverbs I’m reading right now address this well. God really is amazing–Isn’t He!

Yes, the journey continued even though I have been unable to write about it here for the past 4 days. Our time at Wallowa Lake, OR was a nice time. It showed me several things which I wasn’t anticipating in any way. I am like my brothers in many ways but I’m also very different also in many ways. The skills of these brothers and interests are what they have in common. These are also how I differ from them. They work with their hands in areas which only frustrate me. The habits of life we have in common. What I noticed and didn’t expect to was that this time I found myself no longer desiring to be like them. I am content being the man I am–who God created me to be. I’d always thought I needed to be more like them and I was less of a man because of these differences, but this is not the case. God made me the way He did with purpose in mind. I can see that and not be ashamed of it. In fact, I can be content and happy with that.

I found this morning that I actually enjoyed journaling first. As I awoke I started my devotions and journaled first thing. I wrote all that was on my mind. In so doing I found myself reading the devotional and the Bible with intent to address what the day was facing rather than to replace anxiety which wasn’t yet defined. I was calling anxiety the energy I had within to face the day’s events but not knowing how God wanted it done. After journaling I could see the wisdom of God’s Word speaking to me regarding what the day held. It was an amazing shift and makes such perfect sense. I’m glad to have finally found this process. Boy, is God patient! I’ve been doing this other way so long and even though He told me this a year ago, I skipped right over it. God is so Good and Amazing!

My post-it note on top of my devotional material worked. I journaled first. It was a rather amazing difference I found. When I started to read my devotional and then my Bible following the journaling, I found my focus very different. The devotional message and the Bible reading addressed specifics that the journaling organized in my mind. I have always thought my devotional reading and Bible reading would give my mind and emotions a focus away from angst. This morning I found the journaling organizing the angst and defined details causing it. The devotional message as well as the Bible reading gave insights in addressing the details. Wow, this one shift is remarkable!

Today Kathy and I are going to Kathy’s home place, Wallowa, OR. We are going with my two brothers and their spouses who live close by. We are staying until Sunday. We have rented a home at the lake which will nicely accommodate 6 of us. It ought to be a good get away and my brothers have not been there since Kathy and I married almost 37 years ago. I always think ahead when I’m traveling how I’ll work out things like my early morning devotional time. It usually isn’t a problem because most people don’t get up as early as me. However, both my brothers are very early risers too so I’ll just take this a day at a time and see how it works out for the next three days. I also don’t know if we’ll have reception at the lake so I may not be posting if that’s the case. Just a heads up!

As I stepped into the start of our lessons last night with the men in our group, I found myself becoming very awake to several details in the start of it that I totally missed a year ago. One in particular hit me instantly. The curriculum author states for us to start our daily time with God journaling. It tells to go deeply into your heart and the yearnings of it. Write them down. Let your spirit detail what is inside of you waiting to be noticed rather than suppressed. This is to start your devotional time with God.

I have journaled for years and have many journals filled. I have always journaled once I finish reading my devotional and then the Bible. I’ve thought I need to get my mind focused on what God wants me to read from Him. After that happens I can journal better to Him. Last night it became clear for the first time that my journaling needs to start with what is on my heart as I awaken in the morning. I have almost always awakened in the morning feeling stressed. A counselor told me not so long ago that due to all the years of suppressed emotions in my childhood I squelched my spirit to the point that only during sleep can my body deal with them. In the morning I start the cycle over trying to suppress them. What the author is saying is that I need to write them out so they are now on paper instead of being suppressed within me all over again. I told the group I was going to start this morning.

As I began my devotions today I sat down with my coffee, read my devotional, read my Bible and then picked up my journal to start writing. It was then I realized I was in my rut. I had totally forgotten last night’s message. I had done nothing to cause me to remember what my new directions were to be. I have thought my rut was a healthy one but today I realized it is an accommodating rut which doesn’t lead to the health God is wanting me to find. I’ve got a reminder on the top of my devotional so tomorrow I’ll start a new routine. What a creature of habit I am. God wants that addressed and I want to join Him in this too. Sometimes it isn’t fun knowing the humanness of me.